Do you have anger issues? Take a look at this list of myths and decide for yourself. You can make a change with a professional trained in Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence.
Insomnia: The Struggle Within
Tired, like all of the time, because you just can’t sleep. Anxious, stressed, and unsure where to turn? If you struggle with insomnia, you’re not alone. Insomnia is one of the most common disorders in individuals. With all of today’s stress, at least 25 % of adults and children struggle with getting a good night’s sleep. We’ve got some handy tips & tricks for getting better shut eye.
Are you Good Enough?
Ever wonder if you are good enough? Or have you ever felt like an imposter?
Ever think that if "they" (whoever "they" are) really knew about you, they would know you're not experienced or an expert, and you felt like you're a fraud and defeated? Or ever feel like you have all the motivation in the world, life is great, and then the next day everything is terrible?
Of course, you have everyone on this planet has had a feeling like this sometimes during their life, and many of us experience this feeling daily. The good news is there are ways to help us not have such ups and down with our self-esteem.
According to Adler and Stewart (2004), self-esteem refers to a person's overall sense of value or worth. It can be considered a sort of measure of how much a person "values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself."
So how do we build our self of confidence and sense of worth?
Here are a few skills to help you build that confidence and motivation.
1. Ask yourself, "I am not good enough for what?"
Define what you are judging yourself on. It may be "I am not good enough to speak in front of the class." That may be true right this very minute, but if you practice your speech 10 to 15 times, you will be good enough to speak in front of the class. What if you thought, "I am not a good friend?" Then we must define what constitutes a good friend. A good friend has these traits; a good listener, honest, supportive of each other, kind, and trustworthy. Then you can determine if you fit these characteristics or not. The good news is that we can learn many of these skills. If you find you are not a good listener, you can practice becoming one. We can learn almost anything.
2. Next, ask yourself, "What is my Evidence for this?"
This type of self-questioning is called "Critical Fact-Checking." What do the facts say? Be careful here because we often try to pull in our feelings instead of facts. For example, if you say I'm a terrible mother because I yelled at my kids. You may have yelled at them today. I feel badly yelling at them. I feel depressed, worthless, and angry at myself. Those are feelings. It doesn't account for all the really great things you do as a parent. You must figure out the why behind your yelling to fix that problem. Look for facts, not just feelings.
3. Talk to yourself and give yourself Pep-talks. Research says that if you talk to yourself in the second person, your brain is more willing to hear and accept the positive. Thus, if I say, "Sherry, you can do this, just take this step or that…." My brain is more willing to listen and believe in me. We all need pep talks, and there is science that confirms it!
Self-talk improves our performance, enhances motivation, and improves mood. We can use informational self-talk to teach us new steps to activate and improve test-taking. Performance athletes have been using self-talk for years to help them improve their performance.
It is also simple to do. When you are doing a task, let's say studying for a test or taking a run, telling yourself, "John, you got this, your smart." Or "Sally, just a little more, you're close to the finish line."
Another question to ask yourself to give you motivation includes:
1. Do you really want to do this? If the answer is yes, it's ok to tell yourself, "David, it will be hard, but I got this?" Or, "Kelly, it's only two more days; keep it up."
2. Why do you really want to do this? Remember to look for the facts and how you want to feel afterward.
3. What are the steps you need to take to get there? Breaking big tasks into tiny baby steps you can accomplish is the key to doing more significant things.
Once you have these answers, you can develop a plan to complete the tasks. Your brain wants you to have the things you want and enjoy. As you practice this new self-talk skill, you will become more confident in your abilities and have fewer days of wondering if you're good enough because you are!
If you need help with feeling good enough or finding the plan to help you succeed, call us, and we can help.
Sherry Shockey-Pope, LMFT
I began my career in this field because I wanted to help people find their passion and zest for life. My goal working with clients is to help them find their voice and get out of pain as quickly as possible.
I have worked with children in foster care and helped prepare their families for placement. My specialties include anxiety reduction, depression relief, adoption issues, grief and loss, divorce and trauma recovery. I also work with adults who want to find their passion and change their lives while working through the traumas of their pasts.
I am on the faculty of the Public Child Welfare Training Academy where I train local county social workers on Intimate Partner Violence, Mental Health, Family Engagement , Self Care for Social Workers and Eliminating Secondary Trauma.
I also am available to speak to community groups or provide training on mental health issues, parenting and trauma I further enjoy my role as supervisor of trainees and interns as they are on their journey to become fully licensed therapists.
I am a Member of California Association of Family Therapist (CAMFT state level) and the current co-president of the Inland Empire Chapter of Marriage and Family Therapists 2014-2016. As well as the chapterfacitator for the Inland CAMFT 3000 Club.
I don't believe that a person should be in counseling for years and years. I think you come in, work on the issues and leave. Later, if you need a tune up, then you come back and we work on healing those issues.
It is my privilege working with my clients as they walk their life's journey.
How To Stop Fighting Your Spouse
Celebrating Father’s Day
With Father’s Day approaching many people are reminded of the presence of their father in their lives. Through history the importance of a father’s role in the family had been seen as primarily a provider and disciplinarian rather than a caretaker. In more recent times, it has been seen that father’s who are emotionally present and active in the child’s life can make a profound positive impact.
Some Adult Behaviors Of Someone Who Suffered From Verbal Abuse As A Child
When you hear a lot of verbal abuse as a child, you begin to internalize it. Being repeatedly insulted, called names, and told that you aren’t good enough takes a toll on you. As a child, you slowly begin to believe that you are all those things.This is especially true if you were always told to lighten up or have more positive thinking whenever a cruel comment upset you. As a child, you lacked the necessary reasoning ability to understand that your family members were in the wrong, not you. So, instead, you believed them, and along the way, your confidence was lost and you began to doubt and dislike yourself.
The Super Power of Hugging
What if I told you that you have a superpower right at your fingertips? What if this superpower improved your overall physical and mental health, reduced stress and anxiety, lowered your blood pressure, and improved your communication? What if you only needed to use this superpower a few moments a day, every day, to achieve these results? Sound too good to be true? Well, read on to learn how to use your superpower!
Memorial Day is More Than Just Another Weekend
As members of the workforce, we often find it exciting to have a 3-day weekend to spend with the family, with friends, or doing some of our favorite activities. One of those weekends happens to be Memorial Day Weekend. However, it’s important to remember the commemoration of Memorial Day - that it’s more than just a weekend, it’s to honor those who have died in military services.
Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships
Let's talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD) and relationships. The first thing we want to do is recognize the traits of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD tend to have an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether such abandonment is real or imagined, the individual may take extreme measures to avoid possible separation or rejection.
Preparing for Mother’s Day: Support and Empowerment
Mother’s Day is an occasion that many people around the world celebrate. However, it is not often the happiest day for many others. Mother’s Day can trigger some of the toughest feelings for people, such as those grieving the loss of a child, struggling with infertility, those without a relationship with their own mother, or even struggling with adoption.
Preparing for the Posts Ahead and FOMO: How to Deal with the Fear of Missing Out as We Begin Festival Season
All generations are now familiar with social media – from creating and sharing posts about their weekend adventure to sharing the next up-and-coming restaurant that just popped up. It is without a doubt that we all feel the excitement to share with our family, friends, and followers on the most exciting times of our lives, however have we ever taken the chance to reflect on that feeling that we are missing out on events, festivals, opportunities that others share on their feed?
Do your friends tell you you need a therapist?
Nora discusses the struggles and emotions that come along with being visually impaired and wants others to know they aren't alone. It is important to face these challenges and she helps clients combat them by using tools and different coping skills to fight them once and for all. Nora advocates for those struggling and provides a therapeutic safe space with no judgment to help clients live their best lives.
How to Manage Holiday Stress
While Easter is approaching, it’s important to discuss ways to get out of the rabbit hole this weekend. Celebrating Easter does come with its many quirks - preparing gift baskets, hiding Easter eggs for the kids, and so on. However, regardless of the fun, it’s a holiday, and many people out here may love or hate holidays. It’s important that as we approach yet another holiday to practice self-awareness.
