Active Parenting

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This blog will focus our attention on active parenting tips for our children to increase their confidence and responsibility.  What is active parenting?  First and foremost, active parenting help impart to our children values that help create high functioning children and great adults. Active parenting involves instilling:

1.      Courage

2.      Self-esteem

3.      Responsibility

4.      Cooperation

These are just a few of the skills necessary for children to learn survival and life skills.   When thinking about active parenting, a proactive approach works best.  In other words, do not wait until the child does something wrong.  Instead, instill values and morals that will serve as your child’s foundation-a building block for growth.  Many parents believe instilling values, morals, and socialization is the purpose of active parenting.  Find your child doing good and encourage your child by telling them how grateful you are that they did this (___________________) Something like I appriacate it when you help me put the dishes away or when you make you bed or when you are nice to your little sister. Find a way to let your child know that you care and are watching. Ask your child what do they like best about their drawing or their art project. These are just some of the ways to actively parent.

Let us take a quick look at the four basic blocks. 

  • Courage-when instilled as a foundation; children have the strength they will need to try and try again. This build resilience a great tool for life.

  • Self-esteem-that is to possess a positive image of self.

  • Responsibility-a child is more than capable of making decisions as well as accept responsibility for that decision.

  • Cooperation-parents encourage children to work together as well as with others for a positive end.  Cooperation is also an essential element needed to facilitate teamwork efforts.

The four basic blocks are important for every child to learn. As a parent; we will not be able to be there for everything our child does. Having our children to use decision-making, along with the courage to stick with his/her decision, is crucial.  Another important part of active parenting that revolves around protecting and preparing children to be equipped to survive and thrive in society.  Important to that end is for children to feel good about themselves and their decisions and act them out with confidence in everyday life.

For more information on Active Parenting click here

Most parents can agree that is parenting is a full-time job, with no instruction manual. Most parents are unaware of the pivotal role they play in shaping the people their children will eventually become.  Parents become teachers, role models, protector and confidante, and many hats, all to get their child/children to a safe place in life. 

Unfortunately, parents are  tasked with the job of telling your child a hundred or so times the same set of directives. This is needed to help your child’s brain fully understand and be retained in their memory.  Essential to effect communicative is a relationship with your child is a vital component in developing a healthy relationship between the parent(s) and children. 

Learning how to develop effective communication with your child engenders a stable and loving home life (which helps keeps parents sane).  Noting day-to-day activities, e.g., homework, meals, and bedtimes flow more smoothly. Effective communication may also improve your child’ long-term health and development.   Studies indicate that children who don’t feel or believe they have a good relationship with their parents are more likely to have low self-esteem, difficulties in school and emotional problems, and are a greater risk for using drugs and experimenting with risky sexual behavior [source:  Mental Health America].

Building a strong relationship with your child/children

1.      Be consistent with children.

a. Hour to hour, day to day, and week to week, in short, every waking moment remain consistent with rules and discipline

b. Parents must practice the following rules as well, or our children will not either

c. Focus on one key behavior (or misbehavior) that needs addressing

d. The behavior should reflect a reward or disciplinary action [source:  Family Education]

2.       Stay positive-remain calm, do not yell.  Always reward your child for their good behavior. 

a.  The only way to reverse negative behaviors is to make rules that you can keep and enforce.

3.      Be Patient-Even though one may desire quick results; people don’t change overnight.

a.  It took time for your children to master their misbehavior; it will take equal time to change them.

4.      Expect resistance-Never fear your children are going to test you, especially if you tried enforcing the rule with them before, but failed to follow through.

a.  Change can be challenging, and your children are not likely to embrace your new rules.   Nevertheless, do not give in or up parents you are likely to win.

5.      Stick with it-In order for change to stay long term; consistency is the key

a. Consistency will show your children the behaviors and values that are important to you and in turn, teach them self-discipline [source:  Family Education].

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A barrier to active parenting: when both parents must work and some parents must work two jobs for family upkeep.  Important to families wherein both parents must work is to choose quality over quantity.  That means, it is not how much time is spent, but the purposeful meaning embodied in that brief time. 

To this end, I am posting a summary of children’s rights as set forth by The UN Convention on the rights of the Child/ UNICEF for every child they list about 42; however, I will only list a few https://www.unicef.org.nz/child-rights

1.      Be Recognized

2.      Adequate care

3.      Parental guidance

4.      Life

5.      Live with their parents

6.      Freedom of expression

7.      Freedom of thought

8.      Freedom from abuse

9.      An education

10. Personal development, survival, and protection


By Valerie Fluker, MA, APCC

All people come to counseling to relieve pain and suffering. They feel they have little to no hope left. What they have been doing isn’t working anymore or maybe never did. They feel out of control, scared, and do not know where to turn. Or they may need education in the form of Parenting or Co-parenting classes. Or some just need to work on relationship issues or manage anxiety. Regardless of what brought you to this website I can help. I am caring, understanding and I want you to feel better. I see great things happening for most people within a few sessions. These clients start to feel happy, gain more confident and report they are satisfied with their life. While I cannot guarantee you the same results, I have seen positive results with most clients.

I became a counselor because I wanted to harness great hope and positive energy and to help install healing for my clients. I consider working with people in therapy an honor and privilege to work with each client. In therapy, each person develops their positive mental wellness plan and great growth often takes place.  

I discovered my passion for counseling teens while volunteering for Riverside Youth Probation. I enjoyed seeing these teens learn and grow as they figure out who they will become. I also work with caregivers of dementia clients and I see the struggle to care for their loved one. I frequently work with people that suffer from depression, anxiety and trauma. I have specialized training in trauma, working with children and elder adults.

I am a member of the following professional organizations:

  • Purple City Alliance helps make The City of Riverside a Dementia Friendly City.

  • American Counseling Association (ACA).

I look forward to meeting and working with you.