Are You Feeling a Little Bit Depressed?

Are you usually a carefree and happy go, lucky person? Do you typically look to the glass being half full? Are you now with all this uncertainty feeling a bit depressed, nervous, or isolated? I want to assure you that you are not alone.

Human beings like structure, predictability, routine, and our brains work hard at creating habits out of mundane tasks. By grouping tasks together, our minds don’t have to remember it all. Often we do things mindlessly like drive to work, get ready for bed, manage money, or eating right are all examples of habits that we can put on automatic.

In our present world, our regular routines have changed or are suspended. Maybe you always stopped by the coffee shop to pick up your Café Americano or Caramel Macchiato, and now you are at home and no longer stopping by the coffee shop. Maybe you are not getting up at your “normal” work time, and perhaps you are staying up later because you do not have to get up as early. Many of us have been asked to work from home unless we are considered to be essential services. (a big shout out to those hard-working folks that are still doing their jobs; first responders, CPS workers, medical employees, faithful grocery workers, and others). By the way, we are also open but asking our clients to have telehealth appointments.

You might have noticed that you are not sleeping well at night or perhaps sleeping more, or your body may be craving more carbohydrates, and you are worried, restless, not sure of what to do with yourself. You may just feel down or blah. These are all normal reactions to what we are all experiencing in our world right now. The ambiguity and uncertainness can make us edgy and nervous. In the last few days, we have learned a new vocabulary, “social distancing”, “self-quarantine,” and “intervention Activities” heck we didn’t even know that CORVOD-19 was even a thing. Now that has all changed.

Our kids are home from school at first for two weeks now, some for two months or potentially longer. This whole pandemic is odd, and we have not experienced it before. If you are feeling a bit blue welcome to the “normal club,” depression and anxiety can be constant visitors for the next few weeks.

Let’s shift our focus and take a look at activities that can help reduce some of the depression or anxiety while keeping social distancing in place.

Go outside. The CDC and World Health Organization recommend going outside, just not in groups, and keep the 6’ space between you and others. The sun helps us by providing vitamin D and Serotonin, which is a chemical released by our brain. Serotonin is considered a natural mood stabilizer. Serotonin helps with many of our bodily functions, including bowel movements, bone health, sexual function, blood clotting, moods, and others. Specifically, Serotonin helps regulate our sleep, eating, and digestion. It also helps reduce depression and control anxiety. Ever wonder why when you are stressed you carve more carbohydrates? It’s to boost our serotonin levels. Going outside in the sunlight for 30 minutes daily can really help.

Open up the blinds or drapes. Allowing sunlight into your home will help with mood and may even kill bacteria. In a 2018 study, researchers at the University of Oregon found that in dark rooms, bacteria on average were alive 12% more than in a room filled with sunlight. Bacteria on average, in light-filled rooms, was only 6.8%. Less light can also mess with your Melatonin levels causing you to become sleep-deprived and grumpy.

Exercise we have long known that exercise is a natural treatment to fight depression. In an updated Harvard Health Letter from 2018, from the Harvard Medical School, Research shows that exercise is an effective treatment, and "for some people, it works as well as antidepressant medication.” It is most important to pick an exercise you like. Activities that you can still do includes running, biking, yoga, walking, swimming, resistance bands, and home workout videos. You can find plenty of ones on YouTube and since you have been watching those cat videos anyway, just add a 30-minute workout, then watch the cat videos.

Take a break from the news and social media. Give yourself some time off; endless news can increase depression and anxiety. We all need some downtime and continuously hearing the news can be detrimental to our mental health

Talk to loved ones and friends. This can be hard when we feel down, but it is crucial to keep in touch with our social supports. They may be struggling too. Just safely contact them over video chat or phone.

Listen to music; it’s a great time to find a new artist you like or create a new playlist. Music can be calming, reduce blood pressure, boost mood, and reduce anxiety.

Our brains are trying to make sense of this world, and you may feel ‘out of it” or in a fog. However, if your depression or anxiety grows during this time of social distancing, please reach out and get help. We are offering telehealth services, and research shows that they can be just as effective as in-person therapy. Please don’t suffer alone or needlessly.

 By Sheralyn (Sherry) Shockey-Pope, MA, LMFT

I began my career in this field because I wanted to help people find their passion and zest for life. My goal working with clients is to help them find their voice and get out of pain as quickly as possible.

I have worked with children in foster care and helped prepare their families for placement. My specialties include anxiety reduction, depression relief, adoption issues, grief and loss, divorce and trauma recovery. I also work with adults who want to find their passion and change their lives while working through the traumas of their pasts.

I am on the faculty of the Public Child Welfare Training Academy where I train local county social workers on Intimate Partner Violence, Mental Health, Family Engagement , Self Care for Social Workers and Eliminating Secondary Trauma. 

I also am available to speak to community groups or provide training on mental health issues, parenting and trauma I further enjoy my role as supervisor of trainees and interns as they are on their journey to become fully licensed therapists.

I am a Member of California Association of Family Therapist (CAMFT state level) and the current co-president of the Inland Empire Chapter of Marriage and Family Therapists 2014-2016. As well as the  chapterfacitator for the Inland CAMFT 3000 Club.

I don't believe that a person should be in counseling for years and years. I think you come in, work on the issues and leave. Later, if you need a tune up, then you come back and we work on healing those issues.

It is my privilege working with my clients as they walk their life's journey.

Insomnia: The Struggle Within

Insomnia is one of the most common disorders in individuals. With all of today’s stress, at least 25 % of adults and children struggle with insomnia.

The most common causes of insomnia include stress, an irregular sleep schedule, poor sleeping habits, mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, physical illnesses and pain, medications, neurological problems, and specific sleep disorders If you struggle with insomnia (a condition that causes trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or both) it can have a profound impact on your quality of life, leading to fatigue, trouble concentrating, mood problems, and even an increased risk of accidents while driving. 

One way to decrease insomnia is to have a regular daily schedule. This allows you to train your mind for sleep.

The next step is to have proper Sleep hygiene. Staying nice, clean and fresh increases our mood decreases stress and causes us to fall asleep easier and stay asleep longer. 

Another suggestion would be to drink tea without caffeine such as chamomile, daily reading before bed help develop a habit of sleep.  Avoiding stimulating activities such as video games, television and screen time an hour before bed.

If you struggle with racing thoughts before bed, you should practice writing down in a daily journal your activities throughout the day, how you feel and express emotions and thoughts through journaling. 

Another suggestion is to have external noise such as a fan or nature sounds to assist you with falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer. 

There also has been suggestions of drinking tart cherry juice before sleep to decrease insomnia. 

The new studies published in the European Journal of Medicine at the end of October shows that tart cherry juice can improve the quality of your sleep, your sleep duration, and help reduce the need for daytime napping.  A discovery was made that adults who drank two 1 ounce servings of tart cherry juice per day experienced a demonstrable increase in sleep efficiency as well as a 39 minute increase in average sleep duration. (WOW!)

So to recap, if you’re struggling with Insomnia, make a daily list of activities, have good hygiene and shower before bedtime, journal any racing thoughts that you have about your day and any stressors and concerns, eliminate all electronics such as video games and television at least an hour before sleep, it’s suggested to drink a warm cup of tea non-caffeinated, turn on some external sound such as a fan or nature sounds to assist with relaxation. The last suggestion is to try tart cherry juice- which is actually pretty good. 

Remember insomnia is normal if it’s not chronic. Everybody faces difficulties in sleeping over the course of their life. However, if this is an ongoing concern and is impairing your daily function due to lack of sleep it is recommended that you seek professional assistance from a healthcare provider such as a medical physician and therapist.

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My name is Lisa Jacobs Clark, I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with CCS. I specialize in children, young adults and women that have or are dealing with depression and anxiety. I have a passion for this population. I entered this field of employment to assist individuals struggling with depression, anxiety and life changing events. Besides assisting individuals in areas that they struggle with, I also am an advocate for children and for families. I truly feel that my purpose is to help the community through therapeutic interventions, mentoring and providing unconditional positive regard to all of my clients. My heart continues to be invested in the work that I provide for the community and CCS. Just as all the other therapists at CCS we are committed to provide and help individuals achieve a better tomorrow.

Depression: recognizing the signs, how to cope, and where to find help

Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist. 

Some notable symptoms include depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty) or a loss of pleasure or interest in activities, for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. Several other symptoms are also present, which may include poor concentration, feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness about the future, thoughts about dying or suicide, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling especially tired or low in energy. 

In some contexts, people may express their mood changes more readily in the form of bodily symptoms (ie. pain, fatigue, weakness). Yet, these physical symptoms are not due to another medical condition. 

During a depressive episode, a person may experience significant difficulty in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, and/or other important areas of functioning. 

A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning. 

Below are some tips to begin self-help for managing symptoms of depression:

1. Engage in enjoyable activities: Spend time doing something you love each day. Spending time consistently to do things that bring us joy has a compound effect on our overall happiness and quality of life.

2. Physical activity: Walking and yoga are great ways to boost the “feel good” chemical in our brain and increase mood.

3. Journaling: Journaling helps to manage our thoughts and feelings and get them off our mind.

4. Listen to music: Music is another fantastic way to cope with depression. Make a playlist of uplifting songs to listen to when you’re feeling down.

5. Relax: Relaxation can also help you cope with negative feelings. Take a hot shower, a bath, and watch a movie or TV show. You will be surprised at what some good R&R can do for your mood.

6. Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to avoid negative thoughts and help those who may be worse off than you. Serving others is a proven way to build self-esteem and resiliency. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area.

7. Get enough sleep: Sleep also correlates with your mood. If youre not sleeping well, then you probably feel more depressed and irritable, not to mention tired. Talk to your doctor about your options to help you get a good night's sleep.

***Seeking help and support can seem impossible, but there is hope and assistance out there.

Where to find support:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders.

• Visit the online treatment locator:

https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ 

OR Call: 1-800-662-4357

Other options to seek help: 

1. Call your doctor and make an appointment.

2. Call your local County Mental Health clinic.

~Brandi Scott, LMFT

I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2007. I enjoy working with all ages, but have specialized in children and adolescents with severe emotional disturbances. I enjoy family time, bicycling, and going to the beach. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help people, as this has always been my passion.

For The Love of Fido: Pets and Your Mental Health

Happy National Walk The Dog Day! Make sure to give the pups a little extra walkies time today. The benefits of owning a dog (or any pet) are well documented. Reduction in high blood pressure, increased immunity, manageable cholesterol levels, and a lowered risk of heart disease are just a few of the physical health benefits that Fido and Fluffy bring to your life.

The mental health bennies are even more profound. Studies suggest that owning a pet can reduce stress, decrease anxiety, help manage depression, and boost your mood. The day-to-day care of a pet can contribute to an increase in physical activity, long recognized as a healthy part of managing both physical and mental health. Doing so also gives you something to wake up and get out of bed for! 

Caring for a pet takes patience, diligence, mindfulness, and persistence. You’ll need to do research to determine how to set up the proper environment, the most nutritious food, and how to support your pet’s health. Doing the work of caring for another can give a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Hanging out with your pet is a powerful remedy for loneliness, and their unconditional love and appreciation can be warm comfort to an aching heart.

It is said that people who struggle with depression have problems letting go of the past, and those who suffer from anxiety fear the future. Pets are a study in mindfulness, or the practice of remaining in the present. Enjoying bonding time, play time, or hand taming of your pet encourages you to live in the moment, to allow yourself the joy of the day, and to connect with the little being who seeks your love and attention. The practice of mindfulness is a frequent treatment intervention for such mental health struggles as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Plus, playing with your pet is just plain fun! Walking your dog can encourage you to get out in nature and soak up some sunshine, which significantly reduces depressive symptoms. Waving a play wand for your cat gets you moving about, great for easing pain and reducing anxiety. Feeding and maintaining your pet’s physical appearance is satisfying and rewarding, as you can immediately see the benefits of your work in their happy demeanor and shiny coat/fins/scales/feathers.

Let’s not leave out the kids! Owning, working with, or engaging in therapy with animals has been shown to help children with emotional development and regulation. A study conducted with children living with autism showed that having a class pet helped them develop important social skills; increased their ability to relate to their classmates; decreased instances of emotional overwhelm and behavioral outbursts; and significantly reduced their stress levels. Teens who own and care for pets typically struggle less with social anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. Grieving children with pets seem to process their grief more readily than children without pets.

Whether they have fur, fins, scales, or wings, having a pet can help you manage your mental health. If you cannot own a pet, consider other ways to get into contact with animals: dog walking/pet sitting, volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, or helping a friend or family member care for their own pet. Do some research to find the best pet for your energy level, interest, and lifestyle. You can learn more about ways of managing your mental health in session with me or any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call to book an appointment today!

~Alexia

10 Ways Pet Support Mental Health. (2018, June 1). Retrieved from the Newport Academy website: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/well-being/pets-and-mental-health/ 

“Life knocks us down sometimes, and when that happens, we can all use a hand getting back up.

It’s my honor and privilege to be a helping hand when you are in need. 

I provide gentle guidance, an empathetic ear, and a safe, non-judgmental space to work through issues that make life difficult. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and struggles with trauma, especially as related to substance use/abuse (yours or a loved one’s), military service, and family troubles. In therapy, we will explore safe, effective coping mechanisms to help you manage life; examine and refine your self-care; and process those issues that cause you difficulty. Remember that you are the expert of your own life, so we will work together to find solutions that fit you best."

Alexia is also EMDR Trained.

What Does Thanksgiving Look Like?

Thanksgiving evokes from me a time to sit around a table with family and friends and talk about the year's past.  Since this time of COVID, I'm aware many of our family and friends may not be present, through illness, or they are fearful of getting together like they once did or fear someone has Covid, and of course, those who are not living any longer as those we had to say goodbye to.  So, I ask myself, “What does Thanksgiving look like now?” What does it look like to be thankful, have traditions, and gather with others in a Covid-19 world?

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This year has been different in how we are saying goodbye to our loved ones– Hospitals limited us to only one person allowed to visit at a time. Clients have reported hearing the nurses say, "we're sorry there are no admits to this wing at this time."  

Another significant change is that we couldn't bury the departed like we used to. We had to do virtual services instead of in-person services. I observed, just last week, a gathering where I live that had been postponed for over six months. Finally, these folks got together in the dining room to say goodbye to the departed loved one; her friends and family surrounded the widow and began singing together. They told tales of her departed husband and brought pictures to talk about him and his life with her. No one should have to wait such a long time to grieve, but we all had to be safe!

I also see from TV and Social media "what the Thanksgiving holiday is supposed to be" –"What it's supposed to look like"

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the perfect picture: turkey waiting to be sliced up, mashed potatoes,  veggies, salad, pumpkin pie -and, I am aware for many folks, they have been living on the street or living with relatives (if that lucky) or those who don't want to live anywhere but on the street, where they say they feel they are safer than cooped up in a rental apartment.

Their Thanksgiving looks very different than my Thanksgiving. 

Many people are generous, they choose to work in food banks or feeding the hungry on Thanksgiving. I've been fortunate to never find myself in such straights.  And, so I ask myself what "can I really do for the less fortunate ?"

There are many ways I can volunteer in my area: be on the food lines, help prepare a meal, help deliver a meal for that week, listen to elderly neighbors tell their stories, and so forth. 

As a therapist, I console others at times, assisting clients when they find themselves alone.

Not all of us have family, spouses, or close friends.

But in this time of COVID, we also are so isolated and alone, especially now as we all try to find some peace and resemblance of normalcy. 

As a therapist, I am genuinely interested in "their stories." Stories of family, children, their work lives, now-today lives. Take time to listen. Better yet, If you can extend yourself safely to your neighbors, check in with them in person or on Zoom, call them or Facetime.

Leave a piece of pie for them. 

Make that extra time to say hello or share a meal.

We have all had a tough year. 

May you enjoy the Thanksgiving you create this Season. 

~Judy

Judy provides Clinical Supervision at Central Counseling Services in Riverside. She is a Mother, Grandmother, and GG, and loves the work she does at CCS.  She enjoys trainings on the most recent theories in our work, and has specialties of working with First Responders, Trauma victims, and providing workshops on Prevention of Suicide with her colleague Sherry Shockey-Pope. Call us today if you would like to work with Judy.

Traditions Are Everywhere, Make Self-Care One Of Yours!

The last few days different traditions have taken place around the world. Here in the US, lots of kids went Trick or Treating on October 31 for Halloween. Other parts of the world celebrated All Saints Day on November 1  (celebrated in honor of all the saints, known and unknown) which is followed on November 1st and 2nd  by Day of the Dead or also called  Día de los Muertos, a more Latin American custom where it is      believed that the souls of the dead return to visit their living family members.

Most of these holidays are related to honoring our deceased. Many of us have experienced significant losses this past year to year and a half due to the COVID 19 pandemic.

As I realized how many of these different traditions occurred over the last week, I became intrigued with how different cultures view death. In America we are familiar with the traditional funeral where family members, friends and relatives gather around the body (often wearing all black) and later there is a ceremony held in a church, synagogue or temple with a rabbi, priest or other officiant leading the service. At other times, instead of a funeral, there is a memorial service, which is much of the same structure as a funeral although the deceased’s body is not present at the service. Because a memorial service occurs after the remains have been cared for, there is often more room for creativity. This is because the family can take more time to plan a ceremony and decide how they want to pay tribute to their loved one. More recently there is a trend of honoring the dead with a celebration of life ceremony which is usually a more relaxed and party-like atmosphere with guests sharing stories about their loved ones.

The celebration of life sounds similar to South American people honoring their dead by holding a ‘vela’ where guests share memories of their loved ones while eating and drinking.

In Africa, most believe in ancestors (the dead who continue living and guiding their family in the afterlife) and they believe that the ancestor will become a wandering ghost if a proper funeral or burial didn’t take place. With lots of different tribes (over 3,000) and countries, there are many different traditions.

The different countries in Asia have their own specific way in viewing death and have their own unique rituals and customs. For example, in China, mirrors are removed, and cloth is hung on the doorway of their homes. Which has some similarities to Russia, where before funeral mirrors are covered and clocks are stopped to avoid more death in the family. That’s similar to the changes made to sit Shiva in the Jewish tradition.

In Western Europe, the traditional mass followed by a grave burial are influenced by beliefs in a higher power that influences funeral traditions.

I am so in awe about so many different ways and traditions to honor our death. What is important in any culture, I think, is taking care of ourselves in those difficult times too. Partially this might be accomplished by having your family and/or friends around you for support. But selfcare also consists in making sure we eat, get sleep, regular medical care and hopefully are able to go outside in the fresh air. Other possibilities for selfcare could be: finding a hobby, watching a funny movie, reading a book, cuddling with a pet, and/or not working during your time off.

Let’s try a self care activity: Pick a window and spend a few minutes looking outside. Notice what’s happening. What shapes, colors, patterns do you see? Do you notice anything new?

Creating the tradition of self-care, not only in the difficult times when someone died, but any time is important.

To discover more about the importance of self-care and/or ideas for self-care, don’t hesitate to reach out to myself or my colleagues at Central Counseling Services. We are here to guide and help you find the right selfcare tradition for you. You can reach us at (951) 778-0230.

Ilse enjoying nature to practice self-care.

I earned my Master degree in Clinical Psychology from Vrije Universiteit Brussel. Yes, that’s in Belgium where there is no IN-N-Out or 91 freeway. I’m a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and California Association for Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors. That allows me to provide extra resources and educational opportunities to give you the best care you deserve.

I welcome clients from all cultural backgrounds, family structure, beliefs and ages, and work with most issues. My colleagues and clients call me the “resource Queen.” That means if even one client needs a resource or a new approach, I will find it and we will use it. My commitment is always to provide my clients with the best care and most current resources.

Call our office at (951) 778-0230 to set up an appointment. The office is open seven days a week, and I am available weekdays. I will see you soon.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, let’s make it:

● great

● worthwhile

● count

● awesome

● wonderful

....... it’s up to you!

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Ilse Aerts, M.S., LMFT # 96211, LPCC # 6135,CCTP, CATP

The Way You Think May Be Detrimental To Your Mental Health Part 2- How to Change that!

Last week we discussed some common cognitive distortions that may be adding to your anxiety or depression. To get caught up, if you missed last week's blog read that first, here! Have you been able to identify some common thought errors? If you’re experiencing any of these distortions,

Here are 8 steps to stop or slow down your Cognitive Distortions:

1. Recognize and isolate the thought: Look for absolute words, like ‘always’, ‘never’, or ‘can’t’ these are usually clues you’ve got a Cognitive Distortion going on. So are really strong negative words directed at yourself like, ‘hate,’ ‘stupid’ or ‘loser.’ Try and use these words sparingly, if at all.
2. Write it down daily: Yes, take your Cognitive Distortions to pen and paper. It makes a difference. Sometimes we can more easily recognize them by writing it down.
3. Take your distress temperature: Zero to ten. Zero meaning your content and peaceful; ten that your misery is paralyzing, or you have negatives feelings about yourself.
4. Use reality thinking: ask yourself: Is it reasonable to think that thought or is it unreasonable? Say the thought out loud. If a friend said that, would you agree or disagree? If the thought is truly reasonable it probably isn’t a distortion. If the thought is mostly unreasonable it probably is a distortion. If the thought is unreasonable: Take Responsibility. 
You just need to take responsibility for whatever it is that caused the thought and the resulting bad feeling and do something about it. Either decide to take action, let it go, or both.
5. Give it a name: What kind of cognitive distortion is it? Ask yourself, is it all or nothing thinking, fortune-telling, or maybe personalization? Figure it out because chances are you have a pattern going on. Once you have the distortion labeled you will be in tune to when it happens again in a different context. 
6. Write its name down: the act of writing down your thoughts allows you to see it and find a more reasonable thought to replace the distorted one. If you can’t come up with anything, think about what your friend would say. Or what would the angel say to the cognitive distorting devil?
7. Retake your distress temperature: Even if it’s just a few degrees lower, from a 9 to a 7, say, you are going in the right direction, and that’s a good thing.
8. Repeat as needed: review the steps above and repeat any steps for more stubborn thoughts.

Do not expect to ever be completely free from Cognitive Distortions. That would be unreasonable (Ha Ha :-))
However, the more you do these exercises the easier rescuing your mood, and lowering your distress level will become. If you continue to have these thoughts and you can’t make them go away on your own, give me a call and we can work on them together.

The Way You Think May Be Detrimental To Your Mental Health

Every single thought we have sends neurotransmitters through our brain. For every positive thought we have like, “For every problem, there is a solution.” Or “I’m happy that you got a good grade on your test.” We feel emotionally content, happy, and overall good. When we think negative thoughts, we experience a down feeling of sadness or a blah feeling. If the negative thought persists, we can become depressed or anxious. But sometimes these negative thoughts are wrong or misinterpreted by our brain. Those types of thoughts are called Cognitive distortions. These negative thoughts tend to be exaggerated, irrational, and often lack facts. Cognitive distortions are errors in thinking, they cause us to perceive reality inaccurately. These negative thoughts patterns reinforce negative emotions and feelings. We all use cognitive distortions from time to time, but we use them all the time they can contribute to depression and anxiety according to a study by (Burns, Shaw, & Croker, 1987).

Below are some examples of errors in thinking:Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they don’t count for some reason or another. In this way, you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusions. Jumping to conclusions can also be interpreted as mind-reading, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. Do you become victim to “Fortune Teller error”, you anticipated that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is right and is established in facts.
Magnification or Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things ( such as your goof-up or someone else’s accomplishment) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny ( your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections.) this is also called “binoculars tricks”.
Should Statements: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn’t, as if you had to be whipped and punched before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “ought’s” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct share statements towards others, you feel angry, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and Mislabeling: this is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself. “I am a loser. “When you direct “should statements” toward others, as “you should always tell that person no, she is a loser.” Another example is when someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to them: “He’s a damn
louse” or “He’s such a jerk”. Mislabeling involves describing the event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

Have you been able to identify some of these distortions in yourself? Come back for next week's blog where we will talk all about the 8 simple steps to stop or slow down these Cognitive Distortions.

Diabetes and Mental Health

Ever think that good diabetic care might also include good mental health care? Our mental health affects all parts of our lives from how we feel, what we think, how we make decisions, choices and even how much stress with can handle.

There has been plenty of research on the mind-body connection. What’s the mind-body connection you say? It’s a powerful connection between our physical or biological selves and our thoughts, feelings and even our attitudes can positively or negatively impact our bodies and our overall health. Likewise, what we do to our bodies like eating, exercise, smoking or even how we stand can have a huge impact on our mental wellness. Simply put our mind-body connections is strong and it directly affects our health.

According to an article in the Journal of American Medical Association entitled The Mental Health Comorbidities of Diabetes people that have diabetics to have a great risk of depression and anxiety.

Depression is a medical illness that causes sadness, feelings of worthlessness, sleeping too little or too much. When your diabetes is not well managed your risk for other complications including heart disease, nerve damage and vision issues greatly increase.

Other symptoms of depression can include:

• Loss in interest in activities

• Isolation

• Sadness

• Hopelessness

• Feeling tired all the time

• Lack of concentration

• Headaches or generalized ache and pains

• Digestive problems

• Thoughts of suicide or death

Anxiety is also a medical illness that can cause excessive worry, uneasiness, restlessness, and fear. A person who has diabetes has a 20% greater risk increases for anxiety sometime in their life according to the Centers for Disease Control. Especially when first diagnosed with diabetes there are many medical and lifestyle changes. Education on Diabetics management is needed to understand the new condition fully. Newly diagnoses people can become excessive in watching their blood sugar (Glucose), and it can become anxiety producing and overwhelming. That leads to stress, excessive worry, and agitation which can make it harder to maintain healthy blood sugar levels.    

Additional symptoms of anxiety:

• Keyed up or on edge

• Unable to fall asleep or stay asleep

• Concentration and memory loss

• Consistent fear of impending doom

• Obsessive thought or “what if…”

• Increased blood pressure

• Panic Attacks

TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

Luckily, you can make easy changes that will have a huge positive effect on managing your diabetes and mental wellness.

• Take a walk and get moving daily.

• Water acrobatics is a good fitness activity because it provides both cardiovascular benefit and resistant work; making your muscles work more. Find certified fitness instructors like the ones from Aquamotion Ability Foundation in Riverside, CA. They offer various classes from beginner to advance.

• Meditation or Yoga helps with a positive mind-body connection and decreases stress, depression, and anxiety.

• Get educated on your diabetes

• Limited caffeine and alcohol consumption.

• Eat healthily and get enough sleep.

• Be social, people with a good network of friends have less severe mental health issues

• Work with your healthcare team.

• See a therapist if your depression, anxiety or stresses is not getting better or gets worse.

If you need more information on depression or anxiety, please call our office (951) 778-0230 and arrange an appointment to speak to a therapist.

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By Sheralyn (Sherry) Shockey-Pope, LMFT

Sheralyn (Sherry) Shockey-Pope, LMFT is the Chief Operation Officer and Co-Owner of Central Counseling Services. Sherry oversees the day to day operation of the practice in two locations Riverside and Murrieta, and she directly supervises associates, licensed therapists, and the support staff. Her practice consists of 23 clinicians and five support staff. Sherry has extensive teaching and speaking experience and presents on topics of depression, anxiety, child abuse, adoption, business performance, and mindset blocks. Although she is not taking new clients, she can help you find the perfect therapist fit from her hand selected and well-trained therapist team. In her spare time, Sherry enjoys being outdoors, water aerobics, swimming, hiking, gardening or sailing.

What does it mean for me to be “diagnosed?”

During the course of our lives, it is safe to say that any of us can be identified as having a mental health diagnosis at one point in our lives.  The death of a loved one, job loss, relationship issues are all potential catalysts for concern and they technically may lead to a diagnosis.  This doesn’t mean that we are meant to carry a diagnosis forever or that we cannot recover or live fully functional lives.  A mental health diagnosis is identifiable and agreed upon a cluster of symptoms meant to describe a person’s experience at that moment in their life.  For example, if you say you are depressed; everyone knows what that means. The symptoms a person might describe are, sad, no energy, unable to concentrate, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, no pleasure in life and impending doom. The manual that helps therapists develop a  diagnosis and later treatment plan is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition or often referred to as the DSM5. If you were to turn to the mood disorder Depression you would learn that there are actually 9 different but similar diagnosis for what most people would call depression. There are all sorts of defining symptoms and you therapist has been trained to sort it all out and create a treatment plan with you.

There are many misconceptions that others hold...

about mental health diagnoses and they often lead to people to feel labeled, anxious and negative about themselves. People are not just a bunch of symptoms. Being labeled is one of the main barriers to people seeking the services they often want, is to avoid being diagnosed or feeling that it's better to resolve their issues on their own.  While others can often feel relief when they find they have an identified diagnosis that they can hold on too. They also know that they are not the

only person to have experienced these issues.

For anyone seeking services, being anxious and uncomfortable is expected as therapy can be a vulnerable and worthwhile experience.  One benefit of seeking help is being able to work with a counselor with training and experience helping people walk through the problems which often lead to improved outcomes quicker and more permanent; than trying to go through it alone.  I work with adults that need help in sorting our their temporary problems and together we find solutions that enhance our quality of lives and help us sleep better. If you are interested in working with me please call us today to set up an appointment. Don't go it alone .

The Real March Madness

As we all may know, March is known for St. Patrick’s Day, wearing green, the coming of Spring, and college basketball otherwise known as March Madness.

Although filling out your impeccable bracket is madness enough, there is even more madness that arises after March.

April is Alcohol awareness month. In 1987, the month of April was given this title to reduce the stigma of alcoholism and to bring the issue to the public’s eye. The truth is, “…about 18 million adult Americans have an alcohol use disorder. This means that their drinking causes distress and harm. It includes alcoholism and alcohol abuse” (National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2017).

According to The Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (2017), nationally in 2012, 18%.3 percent of people were binge drinkers. A binge drinker is someone who consumes four-five drinks or more on one or more occasions according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control, 2017). Binge drinking is one-step that can lead a person into alcohol abuse.

How do you know if you or a loved one is at risk or on the verge of alcoholism? Some people may go for years of no one knowing or recognizing the signs of alcohol abuse or alcoholism. Untreated alcohol abuse or alcoholism can lead to severe damage of the body. Here are some significant signs of alcohol dependence:

·       Consuming large amounts of alcohol (4-5 drinks per regular occasion)

·       Beginning each day with a drink

·       Cravings

·       Blackouts

·       Dizziness

·       Aggressiveness

·       Agitation

·       Compulsive behavior

·       Vomiting

·       Delirium

·       Slurred speech

As stated before, people can hide their alcohol abuse. In order to know if someone has an alcohol problem, look for these signs. Usually a family member or friend who is close to the person will be able to try to spot the signs.

If these signs are found, one should not make the loved one feel ashamed or discouraged. The first step in helping someone with alcoholism is to let the person know that there is someone who can help. Let them know that you want to give them the help they need. Bring up the signs to their attention and suggest where to go for help. Going with them to get help shows that you are there for their benefit and support. Let them know that you care and explain to them why you want to help them and try to understand that there is a reason they feel the need to over consume alcohol.

Alcohol abuse can break families a part and can make a person do actions that he or she may not even realize they are doing. Recognizing alcoholism and making sure that a loved one gets the proper care needed can help not only the person with the alcohol disorder, but can also bring the family back together and can make each other stronger.

Here are some helpful sites for more information and steps to help anyone you know who might be alcohol dependent:

https://medlineplus.gov/alcoholismandalcoholabuse.html

https://www.ncadd.org/about-ncadd/events-awards/alcohol-awareness-month  

http://www.narconon.org/drug-abuse/signs-symptoms-alcohol-use.html

https://www.cdc.gov/

There is LOVE in the air.

I am in Love....

….. With the weather in Southern California.  I know it sounds silly, but believe me, coming from a gray country in Europe changes the perspective a little.

In my country of origin, it sometimes stayed dark for several weeks in a row.  When it started raining or being cold, you knew when it began but never when it would end.  The great thing about Southern California, it starts raining - IF it starts raining in the first place - and usually the next day (or maybe a few days) the sun comes out again. What’s not to love about that.  I met several people in Southern California that told me they really like rain, but I wonder if they ever experienced gray and gloom for weeks on end and if they still would like that.

Maybe you experienced the same as so many others have, that gloomy, gray and dark weather make you want to hide and crawl back in bed.  Imagine if this weather sticks around for several weeks, it can totally alter your mood.  Some studies suggest that rainy weather has an effect on our attention and alertness. In several countries, they are using ‘light therapy’ so people’s mood can improve again. I wouldn’t recommend starting this therapy by yourself, always consult your doctor or mental health provider.

I assume the title made you think my blog would be about relationships since it’s the month of February, but weather can have a big influence on ourselves and relationships.  

There is some science that indicates that colder weather wants us to cuddle more.  

All those inside activities can make you feel more lonely and have people desire a more serious relationship.  There is even a name for it: "cuffing season." Valentine’s Day adds some extra pressure for many singles with all the marketing and sales.  There are several ideas singles can do to get through this gray period.  One of the good solutions to get rid of the blues is exercise. Another one is to surround yourself with people you care about and do something fun or celebrate yourself; you deserve it.

If you are having a difficult time in this season due to feeling lonely/blue during Valentine’s Day, check out our therapy for adults then think about Southern California’s great weather.  After a (few) day(s) of gray/rainy weather, the sun will come out tomorrow….. If you would like some guidance in finding these sun rays - sparks of hope, don’t hesitate to contact me or one of our other clinicians at Central Counseling Services.   We are available six days a week at (951) 778-0230 if you need any assistance or guidance.

Celebrating Your Holidays Away From Home

No, I am not talking about celebrating when you are going on a short trip during the Holidays.  I’m reaching out to those of us who were obligated or forced to move out of your home environment- or even when those of us who made a personal choice to move out of our home country or state.

Choosing to move to Southern California 15 years ago still, stirs up a variety of emotions during the Holidays for me.  Even though it was very exciting to move from a cold, wet, dark country to sunny California, it was so strange and foreign (pun intended) to hear Christmas songs and seeing decorated trees in 80-degree weather.  My first Christmas in Southern California was celebrated with friends at an outside barbecue gathering, which was total opposite from an inside dinner with close relatives around a fire in the fireplace. It was such a big shift, even when it was my choice to relocate.  It is probably even more difficult when you must leave or have been forced to flee from your home country and leave (some of) your loved ones or friends behind.  There are undoubtedly some feelings of grief and loss feelings, or anger, or even anxiety when you see other people enjoying holiday traditions with their relatives.

Is it all negative? Absolutely not. There will be new traditions and celebrations with new colleagues at work.  But what if you are just stuck at home?  Adjusting to the new ‘home’ will go easier when you start reaching out to others.  Attend some local festivities or when invite to parties bring some of your own traditions to celebrate Holidays in a new way with friends.  New customs doesn’t mean that you have to change your values, you can incorporate them into new traditions.

The process of adjusting takes time. I am still adjusting to Holiday songs with the 80-degree weather but am also grateful to celebrate with new friends during our outside gatherings. HIf this hits home with you or touches on your holiday experiences, we are available to help. You can reach me or our other clinicians at Central Counseling Services. We are available six days a week at (951) 778-0230 if you need any assistance or guidance during this time of year. Happy Holidays!

Ilse Aerts, M.S., LMFT#96211

Mindfulness For All

It is part of mindfulness practice to realize that suffering comes from believing that things should be other than they are in the given moment. If you are suffering in the present moment—oppression, discrimination, hunger, joblessness, etc— this may seem like a cruel statement, but it's actually not. It's solid advice, allowing you to take action and stay safe.

 Bias and violence toward LGBQIA and transgender people are very real, and if that's the moment you're living in, then you're probably thinking, "Are you serious, Lynn!? Am I just supposed to accept people treating me this way??" No. Not even a little.

 The key to the teaching is "thinking that things should be other than they are." That means that you jump to the past or the future, or resist what is happening in the moment by getting caught up in thinking, "this shouldn't be." But it IS, and you've just wasted precious seconds and energy fighting an impossible argument. It IS happening. Say you are being shouted at in in a store when you're out shopping. Some idiot has taken it upon him or herself to judge you loudly in public. Do you wish that it wasn't happening? Well, yes! But to be caught in the "this shouldn't happen" mindset in that moment is useless and a waste of energy. It can make you freeze. It can lock you in shame and embarrassment, caught there under the glaring florescent lights.

So what is the answer? Acknowlege what is happening, and decide what to DO in that moment. Can you safely walk away? Walk away. Do you need help? Look around for a friendly face and ask for help. Are you in danger? Scream for help, run, get to a cashier or security guard. In short, don't get trapped in resisting reality; deal with it in the best possible way at the given moment. We Buddhists tend to avoid terms like good or bad, preferring skillful and unskillful as more accurate and non-judgmental. When you are safe and quiet, practice in your mind what skillful means you can use when such intimidating situations arise. It's the same sort of preparation thinking athletes use before an event.

**If you are a cis (non transgender) person reading this and you see this kind of situation happening to anyone—trans or LGBQIA person, child, woman, or anyone else in need— BE AN ALLY! Don't let yourself be just another statistic in the "bystander effect". Yes, that's a thing; when capable people just stand there or look away when they should be helping someone. If it's not safe to step in, call 911. NOW! Then turn on your camera and let the aggressor know they're being caught in the act. Or do so secretly and share it with the police. **

I just gave an extreme example of suffering in the moment. But the same wisdom applies to negative emotions, like loneliness. Thinking "I shouldn't be lonely" doesn't help. Acknowledging the emotion of loneliness is skillful means. You are accepting reality: I am lonely. The next question is "What can I do to alleviate this suffering?" Perhaps call a friend and share the feeling with them? Talk to an ally? Find a support group? Get out into nature? Find what works for you.

If you are a trans person looking for a support group, we have two Monday night therapy/support groups from 6:30-8:00 pm. The first and third Monday of each month is "Ladies/girls only" for trans women and girls. The second and fourth Monday is for everyone on the spectrum. For more information, comment here and/or call Central Counseling Services at 951-778-0230.

What Do You Do When Mom is No Longer Here?

Mother’s Day When You’ve Lost Your Mom

As I was meeting with clients throughout the last week there’s been a consistent theme- motherless kids missing mom, and facing the Hallmark extravaganza of the year: Mother’s Day. Walk into the grocery store and there are more flowers than the Valentine’s Day array. Social media? A nightmare. Pinterest? Don’t even think about it. Stop for a meal somewhere? Mother’s Day specials everywhere. Even the casino where we went to play Bingo yesterday had “Mother’s Day Bingo.” What?

It doesn’t matter if you lost your mom last week or a decade ago, this week you will be reminded at least every hour of every day that she’s gone. What do you do with a day created to make mom feel special when she’s not here?

If you’ve recently lost your mom, this will be a new experience. You may be casting about for how to handle it, or fielding calls from people wanting to include you so you won’t be alone. There’s a rule for this: You can decide how you want to spend this Sunday, and if you want to do something to remember your mom or simply take a time out until next year. Folks with recent losses typically don’t do all that well in a large group or with big expectations heaped on them to respond to a certain event or moment. They need and “out,” so they can get away if it feels too overwhelming. If you are that person, and you decide to go to an event, you may want to drive yourself or have a friend take you with the understanding that if you give the signal you will both exit, as quickly and graciously as possible so you don’t feel obvious. The first motherless Mother’s Day is your call- you get to decide what you want to do.

If this is not your first day without mom it can still rekindle the loss with all the focus on the day. If you need to find a card for a daughter who’s now a mom or for a mother-in-law you have to get past all the cards you can’t send your own mom. You may be facing all the joy of the day with grandkids or other family who are celebrating with their moms and find yourself wishing your mom was there to see all of it. If you attend church there may be a moment where flowers are given to moms. Or white flowers to those who lost their mom. The gestures are touching, and loving, and meant to be kind, but they can still sting, can’t they?

So what do we do, those who are missing a mom or a special mom-type who is no longer here to be celebrated for their role in your life?

©     We celebrate them

©     For who they were

©     For what they did for you

©     For how they helped make you who you are today

©     For the love you still carry with you, across the years

©     We remember them

©     We talk about them- not so much that it overshadows those who are celebrating with their moms, but enough to mark their place in the day for you

In my house there will be a celebration for my mom, whom I am lucky enough to still have with me. There will also be a trip to the cemetery for her mom, my late spouses, and my children’s birth mom. The kids probably won’t go, and that’s okay- they don’t feel a need to do so. I will take flowers for them, and they know it. I will also take a time out to remember my late mothers in law, and an aunt who was like a second mom to me. And then I will celebrate the day with my daughters, one of whom is now a mom herself. There will be room for everyone’s emotions, and an out for anyone who needs it. There shouldn’t be huge stress over a day that was created to honor moms. We have enough stress in our lives, don’t we?

So here’s to Mother’s Day, spent in a way that makes it okay for you, reduces your stress level, and allows you to remember your mom in a way you feel you can manage. Maybe it’s an In’ N Out day? A day at the beach? A trip to the mountains? Favorite childhood menu items at home (because who needs crowds of people forcing their children into dress clothes and fancy restaurants on the busiest day of the year?) Who says peanut butter and jelly or fried bologna sandwiches can’t be fun again? (I didn’t say healthy!)

Happy Remembering Mom Day. I am glad you had her in your life.