Celebrating Father’s Day

With Father’s Day approaching many people are reminded of the presence of their father in their lives. Through history the importance of a father’s role in the family had been seen as primarily a provider and disciplinarian rather than a caretaker. In more recent times, it has been seen that father’s who are emotionally present and active in the child’s life can make a profound positive impact.

As we know, having both parents in the home would lead to increased emotional wellness and likely lead to an improved outcome for the children involved. Unfortunately, the CDC reports that there were 6.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2019 and 2.7 divorces/annulments per 1,000 people in the same time frame. While not every divorce that was mentioned involved children in the home it is likely that there are fewer complete households than in the past.

As a father myself I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not be engaged in my children’s lives on a day-to-day basis.

Just like most things in life, we tell ourselves “if that happened to me I wouldn’t do that, I’d be involved in my kid’s life.” However, life tends to throw us twists and turns and we may end up in a place that we didn’t expect. For some fathers they have difficulty maintaining positive relationships with their children after a divorce or separation which is due to any number of reasons. That distance can have a negative impact on the children involved who are left to wonder what led for this situation to come to pass and what does that mean for them. While society is quick to minimize the impact that a divorce or separation has on children I would challenge them to review how many children from single parent household are treated for emotional and behavioral problems 1, engaged in criminal activity 2 and more likely to drop out of high school 3.

My point with this is to say that for those who have father’s whom are present, engaged and well-balanced likely have a more secure attachment, useful social skills and better able to pass along those experience to their children. My goal would be to help those who want to become more balanced for themselves and their partner. We may not have had the well-balanced experiences that we wished had, but we can take steps to become the parents we wish we had. This work we do on ourselves will likely pay dividends to future generations as well.

If you were to take a walk through the downtown of any metropolitan city you’re likely to see people who are struggling and having difficulties in their day-to-day lives. We don’t know their history or life circumstances, but it is likely that they don’t or didn’t have the support of their family or significant others at critical points in their lives.

We could spend hours ruminating on the “what ifs” and “if onlys,” but that doesn’t change the objective reality of the present moment. Negative experiences such as abuse, absenteeism and addiction tend to reoccur through generational trauma (i.e., “it happened to me and I just had to deal with it”).

While we are not responsible for the circumstances of those negative experiences, we are responsible for how we let them continue to impact our lives. Every day that we are alive we have the opportunity to develop awareness into our behaviors and attitudes. Once we begin to challenge our automatic thoughts and reactions we’ll be better equipped to take different actions and develop the change necessary to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.

I recognize that some people may not have positive relationships with their biological father. My hope is that there is a father figure involved who may also provide that structure and support. The idea is to celebrate those in our lives who are taking the time to be present and committed. Father’s who have overcome their own setbacks and obstacles have such an opportunity to change the cycle. In some ways, these father’s can share their experience with their family in an open and honest way to strengthen these relationships and likely reduce the chance that their children would have those same negative experiences.

For anyone who is seeking support to develop skills and better manage relationships and communication to reducing anxiety and depression please do not hesitate to contact me or the staff at Central Counseling Services at 951-778-0230 to make an appointment.

1 Deborah A. Dawson. “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-Being: Data from the

1988 National Health Interview Survey on Child Health,” Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol.

53, No. 3 (August 1991), pp. 573–584.

2 Chris Coughlin and Samuel Vuchinich, “Family Experience in Preadolescence and the

Development of Male Delinquency,” Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol. 58, No. 2 (1996), pp.

491–501.

3 Timothy Biblarz and Greg Gottainer, “Family Structure and Children’s Success: A Comparison

of Widowed and Divorced Single-Mother Families,” Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol. 62

(May 2000), pp. 533–548.

Eric Ontiveros, LCSW

"YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED THIS MOUNTAIN TO SHOW OTHERS IT CAN BE MOVED." - UNKNOWN

I want to be present with others while they take amazingly courageous steps towards self-awareness. I enjoy being a therapist as I can witness others take possession of their lives and create change through action. I am hopeful that I may be able to help unlock the power of healing within each client so that they would relieve themselves of the need to have therapy. I hold myself to a high standard such that client care is my utmost priority. I work towards maintaining professional and ethical values to reduce any conflicts and best support the client.

I have worked for nine years within the Riverside County Mental Health Department conducting individual therapy, group therapy, and emergency interventions. I completed my undergraduate degree in psychology in 2008 from the University of California, Riverside. I received my Master of Social Work degree in 2012 from Loma Linda University. I attended three years of training in Gestalt Therapy at Gestalt Associates Training, Los Angeles.

I specialize in helping my clients better managing their anxiety and depression by developing awareness regarding problematic activities or beliefs. I have worked with couples to improve communication and assist w/ processing emotional content.

I am hopeful that we can work together so that you may find your path through this troubling time. You are not alone. Life has given everyone obstacles; whatever yours are they can be overcome.

Call our office at (951) 778-0230 to set up an appointment. The office is open seven days a week, and I am available on weekdays and have opened my calendar to allow for highly requested evening appointments. I will see you soon.

Memorial Day is More Than Just Another Weekend

As members of the workforce, we often find it exciting to have a 3-day weekend to spend with the family, with friends, or doing some of our favorite activities. One of those weekends happens to be Memorial Day Weekend. However, it’s important to remember the commemoration of Memorial Day - that it’s more than just a weekend, it’s to honor those who have died in military services.

Memorial Day, which is celebrated on the last Monday in the month of May, serves to honor those who died in military service to the nation. According to the United Service Organizations, this holiday’s roots trace back to post-Civil war era, when citizens would informally place spring flower memorials on the graves of fallen soldiers. By the late 1960’s, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act to establish Memorial Day as a calendar day, and by the 1970’s it had officially transformed into a legal 3-day holiday weekend.

It’s important to acknowledge that the families who have had to endure the loss of their loved one and beloved service member a day of remembrance. The loss of a loved one never truly leaves their loved ones. Rather, the families and friends of these fallen service members have had to endure their loss, grow around their grief, and continue on. 

Memorial Day is more than just a 3-day weekend filled with activities, discounted sales, and the kickoff for the summer. It is a day of collective remembrance for those who have died in military service and the grief that their loved ones experience.

Cecilia Fabe, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

How to Manage Holiday Stress

While Easter is approaching, it’s important to discuss ways to get out of the rabbit hole this weekend. Celebrating Easter does come with its many quirks - preparing gift baskets, hiding Easter eggs for the kids, and so on. However, regardless of the fun, it’s a holiday, and many people out here may love or hate holidays. It’s important that as we approach yet another holiday to practice self-awareness. Below are listed some ways in which we all can ease the stress that comes with celebrating:

1. Acknowledge your expectations.

Take some time to consider what you value during the holiday. Is it spending some time with a religious community? Or maybe skipping out on inviting the whole world to your Easter party and inviting those dearest to you? Either way, with each holiday season comes a lot of self reflection that you’d have to practice.

2. Communicate with your support system.

Holidays can be stressful. Take some time to contact your support system - a close family member, friend, etc. - who can be able to listen to your concerns. You can even take time to speak with your therapist if your are linked with one. Talking your thoughts out to process can be incredibly helpful.

3. Start a New Tradition.

Sometimes creating our own new traditions can be most helpful in navigating through a holiday. Take some time to consider what are some customs that are important to you and possibly apply it to the upcoming holiday.

4. Volunteer.

Holidays are always the perfect opportunity to practice altruism and support your community. With this upcoming Easter season, you may spend time making easter baskets to hand out to the community or participate in arranging easter festivities for little one’s with your local church. 

5. Contact Us for Help.

If the upcoming holiday is truly a difficult time for yourself, there is always the option of reaching out to your mental health services provider or therapist. Make sure to discuss with your providers ahead of time in coming up with a safety to address your concerns.

Easter can be such a joyful time, however it’s important for us to be mindful when we are overwhelmed, so we don’t fall into that rabbit hole.

CECILIA FABE, ACSW, 96704

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

Appreciating & Celebrating Black History Month

Did you know February is Black History Month? 



Black History Month is an annual celebration of achievements by Black/African Americans and a time for recognizing their central role in U.S. history. Also known as African American History Month. Since 1976, every U.S. president has officially designated the month of February as Black History Month. Other countries around the world, including Canada and the United Kingdom, also devote a month to celebrating Black history. While it is an annual observance that originated in the United States, many people wonder why it is so important. I often used to think it was about celebrating just simply being a Black/African American, but I have discovered it is so much more than that. 

Black history is rich and vast; it does not solely belong to blacks but has universal significance. Many of our American traditions and culture has been based upon the societal influences of Black/African American people which includes music, science, sports, literature, yet also has been affected by a long history of social injustices and inequalities. Therefore, as February comes around and we celebrate Black history it should also serve as a time for our nation to reflect and be introspective about our successes, but yet recognize the work and the journey is far from over.

As we have learned, while there has been significant progression and numerous accolades and advances in the Black/African American story, many issues remain to be addressed and one significant concern facing this community is in the area of mental health. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, entitled Black/African American Communities and Mental Health, shows that African Americans/Blacks represent approximately Thirteen percent (13.4 %) of the U.S. population, however only Sixteen percent (16%) of Black and African American people reported having a mental illness, and over twenty-two percent (22.4%) of those reported a serious mental illness over the past year. 

 

Overall, mental health conditions occur in Black/African American people in America at about the same or less frequency than in White Americans. However, the historical Black/African American experience in America has and continues to be characterized by trauma and violence more often than for their White counterparts and impacts emotional and mental health of both youth and adults. 

Historical adversity, which includes slavery, and race-based exclusion from health, educational, social, and economic resources, translates into socioeconomic disparities experienced by Black and African American people today. Socioeconomic status, in turn, is linked to mental health: people who are impoverished, homeless, incarcerated, or have substance use problems are at higher risk for poor mental health.

Additionally, despite progress made over the years, racism continues to have an impact on the mental health of Black/ African American people. Negative stereotypes and attitudes of rejection have decreased, but continue to occur with measurable, adverse consequences. Historical and contemporary instances of negative treatment have led to a mistrust of authorities, many of whom are not seen as having the best interests of Black and African Americans in mind.

Why should our society care about Black/African American mental health?

We need to recognize mental health is a societal issue not one solely based upon culture, skin color, socioeconomic status, or ethnicity. However, because of the issues stated earlier, the prevalence of mental health in Black/African American communities is likely to impact most of our families in a significant way. Therefore, this blog is intended to be a resource, serve as a form of education and well as to offer hope to people in our society. 

What are some of the barriers to Black/African Americans getting help with mental health?

Attitudes

• There are stereotypes, misconceptions, and a stigma in our community that being mentally ill is worse than having physical ailments. 

• Black and African Americans hold uninformed beliefs and lack psychological openness, and help-seeking, which in turn affects our coping behaviors. Many of which are simply rooted in not having an understanding of mental health, where it comes from, and cultural myths such as being labeled “crazy”.

• Often in Black and African American communities the Church is placed in such high regard for providing help to for familial problems, mental health challenges, and therefore people are less likely to be open to seeking mental health services.

• Black and African American men are particularly concerned about stigma and there are so many challenges against them, that on top of everything else they are not wanting to succumb to another negative label.

Access

• Resources to healthcare and related resources are often limited to Black/African American families, thus this community is less likely to be aware of what resources are available. 

• Disparities in access to care and treatment for Black and African American people have also persisted over time.

• Black/African Americans often receive poorer quality of mental health care and lack access to culturally competent care

Knowledge and Education

• There is a need to acknowledge, inform, and provide solutions to the myriad of issues surrounding Black/African American mental health.

• Assumptions are made that mental illness equals crazy which equals hospitalization and medication as a requirement for treatment. Alternative methods are not often known. 

Treatment 

• Black and African American people with mental health conditions, specifically those involving psychosis, are more likely to be in jail or prison than people of other races. 

• Blacks and African Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered “crazy” in their social circles. Furthermore, many believe that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate even among family. 

What are the ways Blacks/African Americans can tackle mental illness?

Compared to white adults, African Americans are only half as likely to use mental health services, and roughly 15 percent lack health insurance.

The implications of untreated mental illness can be significant. Mental illness is the leading cause of disability, and can cause severe emotional, behavioral and physical health problems. If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness, getting early treatment can significantly improve your health and combat the trend of undertreatment in our community. Here are four things we can do to make mental health a priority.

There are several important ways to address these challenges:

•  Do away with the mental health stigmas. Many African Americans believe mild depression or anxiety is considered “crazy” in their social circles, which creates a reluctance to talk about mental illness, even among family. Only 30% of African Americans believe mental illness is a legitimate health issue, and 60% mistakenly see depression as a personal weakness. These misconceptions are dangerous. Just like diabetes or high blood pressure, mental illness is a real health problem that can be diagnosed and treated. Left unchecked, mental illness can have serious consequences.

• Find a provider that can be trusted. This can be difficult for African Americans looking for cultural solidarity. Less than 2% of American Psychological Association members are African American, which leads to a perceived cultural gap in treatment, but there are providers who are trained and available to help. A simple interview can help clients decide whether a provider is culturally sensitive and right for them. Keep shopping just as a client would in finding the right doctor. There are many amazing therapists available to this community. Please check out our website at CCS.net for several providers who are culturally sensitive and experienced in working with Black/African American clients.

• Know the difference between physical and emotional symptoms. Many African Americans would rather be considered sick than crazy, and as a result, they are more inclined to talk about physical symptoms like headaches or digestive problems without addressing underlying causes like sadness or anxiety. Mental health begins with self-awareness and is contingent on the ability to talk candidly with a provider. Take stock in how you feel and make an appointment to discuss any red flags that are present notice. Treating minor problems today will help avoid more serious problems down the road.

•  Break the silence. Mental illness affects one in five adults, yet we still have a hard time talking about it. This irony is especially relevant for African Americans, who are 20% more likely to experience mental illness. Sadly, many are just as inclined to disregard mental illness as they are to treat it. Talking openly about mental health issues is a critical first step in normalizing problems, and this begins at home, in church and around the neighborhood. Shedding mental health stigmas is a community effort, and it needs to happen one conversation at a time.

Let us strive to live in a world where treating mental illness is just as important as treating heart disease, Covid or cancer. We need to work together to encourage a better understanding of mental health in the Black/African American community, and in the process, to embrace a culture of understanding and support for those who suffer. By identifying warning signs and seeking treatment, millions can improve their quality of life, and you can be one of them.

Effective mental health care for African Americans requires understanding, empathy, and confidence in what it specifically means to live as an African American in America, and in celebrating Black/African American history this month. As a Black/African American Counselor I have hope for our future and look forward to the day that more of our community obtain help with mental health issues and in the coming years there will be a changing narrative on how all Americans view mental illness. 

~Tosha, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #7607

Regardless of the circumstances you are facing, it is important to know that you are not alone and we recognize seeking help takes courage. By doing this, you are one step closer to facing and working through the issues and challenges you are dealing with and I am here to help you.

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves.  It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing.  I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem. Also, I have a special focus in Christian therapy, should a client desire to include faith as a part of their work.  For many years, I was in leadership with a ministry called Celebrate Recovery, and I am thankful for the opportunity to walk alongside people during their addictions and challenges in their lives without criticism, judgment, but solely through unconditional support and understanding. I welcome these clients.  Additionally, I am proudly a Level 1 trained counselor in the Gottman Couples Method, use the Yerkovich’s How We Love couples therapy model while guiding couples at all stages in managing conflict and building a stronger friendship with one another.  Finally, I am a Southern California native who attended Concordia University Irvine where I received my Masters in Counseling.

Finding Your Joy!

Wow, did you see that beautiful butterfly? Was that a dog… in a Santa costume?!

Or when was the last time you laughed out loud or sang along to your favorite song?

Have you crossed anything off your “To Do” List or enjoyed a good meal with a friend?

Can these small moments really make a difference in our mood?

The answer is yes, yes they can!

And as 2021 comes to and end and we are putting away the holiday décor, it might be difficult for some to find their joy.

In this blog I would like to share why I feel joy is important and how you can find it all around you.

Joy is experienced by each of us differently.

For some it is hugging their dog, or talking a walk. Meditation or gardening enables others to find their joy. For me, I find my joy when I notice my environment. I see a beautiful butterfly and in that moment I am relaxed. I feel a sense of calm.

My problems and concerns are still there but they take a backseat to the joy that I am experiencing. In that moment everything is alright in my world.

So WHY is it important to find your joy? When we experience joy we are actually having a change in our neurochemistry. Our brains are secreting hormones that relaxes and enable us to feel pleasure, satisfaction, a sense of happiness, optimism and wellbeing. These hormones are important as they bolster our mood, refill our emotional tanks and remind us that we will be okay. These hormones signal that we can find our emotional wellbeing despite what might be going on in our lives.

Often when we are upset, struggling with an issue, our thoughts are focused on what is

upsetting us. When we find our joy it reminds us that there is more to life than our problems. It does not mean that one’s problems have disappeared. What it can provide is a respite from the emotional pain. A reset and change of perspective.

How do you find joy in your own life?

I believe that it starts with mind and body awareness.

When you are aware of your body, being mindful of how you are feeling both physically and emotionally, you are better able to recognize moment of joy. This includes being aware of your environment and how you are moving around in it. Are you in a rush? Are you breathing? All are all aspects of mindfulness. When you are practicing mindfulness you are open to recognizing moments of joy.

So, as you put away your holiday décor, my hope is that you stop, breathe and take a look

around you. Did you find a surprise candy cane still hanging on the tree? Are you enjoying a playful moment with your kids? Wherever you find yourself, may you notice your JOY.

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When Leann is not talking with her clients at Central Counseling Services, you can find her in the garden looking at the butterflies and smiling.

Throughout my 10 years of working in the mental health field, whether it be inpatient care, outpatient mental health, medical setting or authorizing mental health treatment for an insurance company, the goal is the same. Listen. Be present for what is being said with nonjudgment and support. I have worked with children, adolescents and families who have struggled with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, ADHD, substance abuse, trauma and neglect. I have sat on both sides of the chair and understand what it means to be facing a crisis and how to move

forward and regain your equilibrium. My theoretical foundation lies in strength based therapy. I believe in the transformative power of listening and being present in a safe and nonjudgmental space. When you take that first step and reach out for help you have already started the healing process. Therapy is a safe place where you can unburden yourself, where the therapist is the

keeper of the faith that things will get better even if it feels like things will never change. I help you see the progress made and the inner strength reflected in yourself. You learn the skills to empower you to go forward and face what life may bring. Treatment approaches of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and Mood regulation are a few of ways in which I can help to address your issues.

I look forward to working with you as you begin your journey of healing.

Managing Grief And The Holidays

Here come the holidays- and the grief

Let’s manage it!

The holidays are around the corner. Well, 2 corners on the calendar, but it seems to be speeding up, doesn’t it? There is even a shortage of the foods many look forward to, which is adding to that sense of needing to be ready. 

But what about those of us who have had losses this year? Covid has taken a toll on all of us. Even if you escaped illness and loss, we all faced the loss of parts of our year. And in some families the politics surrounding the pandemic has splintered the normal gathering now that we can finally have a gathering again. 

Acknowledging grief at this time of year can be kind of awful. It can be awkward as some of us stumble over what to say- do we say the names of those missing? Do we talk about them? Do we just keep busy and hope nobody will bring it up? What do we do with our own sadness right now? 

As a grief therapist I want you to know you have permission to talk about the loved ones who are missing from your table, and to include them in your special days. Teach the littles in your family that grief is normal and part of life, and that it is not scary. If yours is a family that does not talk about loss you can be the rule breaker this year. Trust me- there will be a lot of that across the country and the globe. 

There are great children’s books you can read to normalize the experience of someone missing. Try “The Invisible String” – or “The Invisible Leash” if a beloved pet is missing. If you need more ideas ask your counselor at Central Counseling Services- we have grief resources!

Some other ideas:

• Light a memorial candle. Invite children and other friends/family to share memories.

• Write a card or letter to the person who died.

• Write memories on strips of paper and use them to create a paper chain in colors for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, or Christmas. 

• Hang a special decoration in memory of the person, such as a wreath or stocking, or set out a special menorah for them and take turns through the eight nights lighting the candles and sharing a memory.  If a stocking is used, family members can place cards or pieces of paper with memories inside.

• Buy a gift the person would have liked and donate it to a charity, or a meal to a food program or senior center. 

• Giftwrap a box and make an opening in the top for family and friends to share written memories. At a special time the box can be unwrapped and the memories shared.

• Set a special memorial place at the table during a holiday meal.

• Create a memorabilia table or corner where you can place photos, stuffed animals, toys, cards, foods, and any other kinds of mementos.

• Share one of the person’s favorite foods or meals. Food can be a great spark for sharing memories, as well as a sense of security. 

I hope your holiday season is special as we navigate back into family and friends to celebrate. If you find yourself struggling, Central Counseling Services has therapists available to help, including clinicians for anyone who does not have insurance through our new nonprofit branch. We can be reached at (951) 778-0230

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As a therapist and a social worker I work from your strengths to enhance the skills you already have and to address the issues holding you back or disrupting your life. My goal is to assist you in reaching a more satisfying state in your life, to reduce your stress, and to make home a better place to be. My specialties include working through grief and loss (including children's grief and anticipatory grief), chronic illness issues, depression and mood disorders, trauma recovery, adoption and infertility issues, and geriatric and aging issues. I have extensive experience in sexual assault recovery. I am available for crisis intervention in the workplace. I am a speaker/trainer and have provided training to parenting groups, educational support groups, community groups and employer groups. Some of my topics include Alzheimer, dementia, caregiving 101, child abuse reporting laws, parenting the adoptive child and trauma recovery. I currently, facilitate a dementia support group (see events page) and I worked with a group to develop the City of Riverside into a "Purple City" to help people with memory care issues. I am a member of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and I am Certified as a Grief Recovery Method® Specialist.

Self-Care: How To Fill Your Tank

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “Self-Care” but what is it, and why do I need to do it? 

Self-Care is defined as the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health. 

Think of it this way, our body is like a car, and car’s need fuel to perform. Like that car, we need to take care of ourselves and get refueled each day.

 Have you ever woke up and felt great- so great that you could take on the world? This is because you fueled your body! You got enough sleep, fed yourself, drank plenty of water, did activities you enjoy. You know these days- where you can let minor problems roll off your back, and nothing can get you down. 

How can you have this feeling every day? 

The answer is self-care!  

It’s December, one of the busiest months of the year.  I know so many of us have never ending to-do lists this month, social events, family events, and self-care usually takes a back seat. However, each day we need to fill our gas tank to be the best person we can be. Our tank gets depleted with all the tasks we do in a day. Our tank gets empty with work, then a little more with that commute home. The tank spills out even a little bit more when we come home to take care of our families and that never ending to-do list: cooking, cleaning, and helping kids do their homework... until our tank is empty or almost empty. 

Just like a car, when the tank is empty, you’re going nowhere fast.

If you don’t fill your tank, you start the next day empty. These are the days where we feel tired and grumpy, or just not like ourselves. When our tanks are empty, it is hard to do anything, and when a minor problem comes up, it makes it hard to roll off our backs. These are the times when we feel stress creep in even more.

When we feel this way, it’s important to S T O P and take note and ask ourselves if we’ve filled our tank lately. If you haven’t, know you’re not alone. We all struggle with it and our busy culture, work and family life can make it difficult to focus on self-care. Maybe you feel selfish when you take a moment for yourself, I know I can feel that way. But we must remind ourselves that self-care is not selfish. Self-care is the fuel that drives us to care for those around us. So, what can you do to fill that tank back up? 

Self-Care will help you be the best employee or employer, the best mom or dad, and the best person you can be. It is by taking care of yourself to be healthy, doing your job, and taking care of others. Self-Care helps you fill that tank up to do all the things you need to do and stay healthy to do them. 

Please don’t take my word for it. The World Health Organization defines self-care as: “the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” Wikipedia says, “Self-care has been defined as the process of taking care of oneself with behaviors that promote health and active management of illness when it occurs. Individuals engage in some form of self-care daily with food choices, exercise, sleep, and dental care.” 

Let’s also look at some things that Self-Care is not. 

Self-Care is not being selfish, and self-care is not synonymous with self-indulgence. Self-care means taking care of yourself to be healthy, to be well. Unfortunately, many people view self-care as a luxury rather than a priority. Consequently, they're left feeling overwhelmed, tired and find it hard to handle life's inevitable challenges.  Many of my clients who come to me because of anxiety or depression have difficulty self-care.

 We need to start looking at Self-Care differently. We need to start incorporating it into our lives daily. It is crucial, just like brushing our teeth and showering, to be healthy. 

It is essential to assess how you're caring for yourself in several different domains so you can ensure you're caring for your mind, body, and spirit. Self-Care is anything that we deliberately do or refrain from doing with our well-being in mind. It means giving ourselves the same grace, compassion, and care that we provide to others.

We all take care of our physical health. Did you know our emotional health is just as important? I want to ask you, what are you doing for your emotional health?  How are you taking care of your emotional health? I hope now you will say, I practice self-care every day. I bet many of you were doing self-care and did not even know it.  

If you do not have any ideas on what you can do for self-care, you can download my self-care list. I give this list to my clients and hope it will help you as well. 

So remember to care for yourself this week, and to refuel that tank so you can be the best version of yourself! If you’d like to talk about self-care or anything else, I’d love to meet with you. Feel free to reach out for an appointment, 951-778-0230.

~Diana

I have always wanted to help people and have been working in the mental health field for the past twenty years. I enjoy being a therapist and seeing my clients improve their lives. My past clients have suffered with all types of trauma including domestic violence, human trafficking, sexual or physical abuse. People come in to see me often feel broken, scared, ashamed, worthless. It is so gratifying to see my clients getting better and living their full lives free of guilt and shame. I also have experiences working with men, women, teens and children. Specifically, I have worked with men struggling with addiction and the process of recovery. I have an in-depth understanding of how addiction, trauma, domestic violence, childhood abuse and sexual exploration impacts my clients and how these struggles can affect an individual, couple and the family relationships. I do not want you to feel you are alone with no where to turn.

What Does Thanksgiving Look Like?

Thanksgiving evokes from me a time to sit around a table with family and friends and talk about the year's past.  Since this time of COVID, I'm aware many of our family and friends may not be present, through illness, or they are fearful of getting together like they once did or fear someone has Covid, and of course, those who are not living any longer as those we had to say goodbye to.  So, I ask myself, “What does Thanksgiving look like now?” What does it look like to be thankful, have traditions, and gather with others in a Covid-19 world?

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This year has been different in how we are saying goodbye to our loved ones– Hospitals limited us to only one person allowed to visit at a time. Clients have reported hearing the nurses say, "we're sorry there are no admits to this wing at this time."  

Another significant change is that we couldn't bury the departed like we used to. We had to do virtual services instead of in-person services. I observed, just last week, a gathering where I live that had been postponed for over six months. Finally, these folks got together in the dining room to say goodbye to the departed loved one; her friends and family surrounded the widow and began singing together. They told tales of her departed husband and brought pictures to talk about him and his life with her. No one should have to wait such a long time to grieve, but we all had to be safe!

I also see from TV and Social media "what the Thanksgiving holiday is supposed to be" –"What it's supposed to look like"

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the perfect picture: turkey waiting to be sliced up, mashed potatoes,  veggies, salad, pumpkin pie -and, I am aware for many folks, they have been living on the street or living with relatives (if that lucky) or those who don't want to live anywhere but on the street, where they say they feel they are safer than cooped up in a rental apartment.

Their Thanksgiving looks very different than my Thanksgiving. 

Many people are generous, they choose to work in food banks or feeding the hungry on Thanksgiving. I've been fortunate to never find myself in such straights.  And, so I ask myself what "can I really do for the less fortunate ?"

There are many ways I can volunteer in my area: be on the food lines, help prepare a meal, help deliver a meal for that week, listen to elderly neighbors tell their stories, and so forth. 

As a therapist, I console others at times, assisting clients when they find themselves alone.

Not all of us have family, spouses, or close friends.

But in this time of COVID, we also are so isolated and alone, especially now as we all try to find some peace and resemblance of normalcy. 

As a therapist, I am genuinely interested in "their stories." Stories of family, children, their work lives, now-today lives. Take time to listen. Better yet, If you can extend yourself safely to your neighbors, check in with them in person or on Zoom, call them or Facetime.

Leave a piece of pie for them. 

Make that extra time to say hello or share a meal.

We have all had a tough year. 

May you enjoy the Thanksgiving you create this Season. 

~Judy

Judy provides Clinical Supervision at Central Counseling Services in Riverside. She is a Mother, Grandmother, and GG, and loves the work she does at CCS.  She enjoys trainings on the most recent theories in our work, and has specialties of working with First Responders, Trauma victims, and providing workshops on Prevention of Suicide with her colleague Sherry Shockey-Pope. Call us today if you would like to work with Judy.