What does it mean for me to be “diagnosed?”

During the course of our lives, it is safe to say that any of us can be identified as having a mental health diagnosis at one point in our lives.  The death of a loved one, job loss, relationship issues are all potential catalysts for concern and they technically may lead to a diagnosis.  This doesn’t mean that we are meant to carry a diagnosis forever or that we cannot recover or live fully functional lives.  A mental health diagnosis is identifiable and agreed upon a cluster of symptoms meant to describe a person’s experience at that moment in their life.  For example, if you say you are depressed; everyone knows what that means. The symptoms a person might describe are, sad, no energy, unable to concentrate, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, no pleasure in life and impending doom. The manual that helps therapists develop a  diagnosis and later treatment plan is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition or often referred to as the DSM5. If you were to turn to the mood disorder Depression you would learn that there are actually 9 different but similar diagnosis for what most people would call depression. There are all sorts of defining symptoms and you therapist has been trained to sort it all out and create a treatment plan with you.

There are many misconceptions that others hold...

about mental health diagnoses and they often lead to people to feel labeled, anxious and negative about themselves. People are not just a bunch of symptoms. Being labeled is one of the main barriers to people seeking the services they often want, is to avoid being diagnosed or feeling that it's better to resolve their issues on their own.  While others can often feel relief when they find they have an identified diagnosis that they can hold on too. They also know that they are not the

only person to have experienced these issues.

For anyone seeking services, being anxious and uncomfortable is expected as therapy can be a vulnerable and worthwhile experience.  One benefit of seeking help is being able to work with a counselor with training and experience helping people walk through the problems which often lead to improved outcomes quicker and more permanent; than trying to go through it alone.  I work with adults that need help in sorting our their temporary problems and together we find solutions that enhance our quality of lives and help us sleep better. If you are interested in working with me please call us today to set up an appointment. Don't go it alone .

Mindfulness For All

It is part of mindfulness practice to realize that suffering comes from believing that things should be other than they are in the given moment. If you are suffering in the present moment—oppression, discrimination, hunger, joblessness, etc— this may seem like a cruel statement, but it's actually not. It's solid advice, allowing you to take action and stay safe.

 Bias and violence toward LGBQIA and transgender people are very real, and if that's the moment you're living in, then you're probably thinking, "Are you serious, Lynn!? Am I just supposed to accept people treating me this way??" No. Not even a little.

 The key to the teaching is "thinking that things should be other than they are." That means that you jump to the past or the future, or resist what is happening in the moment by getting caught up in thinking, "this shouldn't be." But it IS, and you've just wasted precious seconds and energy fighting an impossible argument. It IS happening. Say you are being shouted at in in a store when you're out shopping. Some idiot has taken it upon him or herself to judge you loudly in public. Do you wish that it wasn't happening? Well, yes! But to be caught in the "this shouldn't happen" mindset in that moment is useless and a waste of energy. It can make you freeze. It can lock you in shame and embarrassment, caught there under the glaring florescent lights.

So what is the answer? Acknowlege what is happening, and decide what to DO in that moment. Can you safely walk away? Walk away. Do you need help? Look around for a friendly face and ask for help. Are you in danger? Scream for help, run, get to a cashier or security guard. In short, don't get trapped in resisting reality; deal with it in the best possible way at the given moment. We Buddhists tend to avoid terms like good or bad, preferring skillful and unskillful as more accurate and non-judgmental. When you are safe and quiet, practice in your mind what skillful means you can use when such intimidating situations arise. It's the same sort of preparation thinking athletes use before an event.

**If you are a cis (non transgender) person reading this and you see this kind of situation happening to anyone—trans or LGBQIA person, child, woman, or anyone else in need— BE AN ALLY! Don't let yourself be just another statistic in the "bystander effect". Yes, that's a thing; when capable people just stand there or look away when they should be helping someone. If it's not safe to step in, call 911. NOW! Then turn on your camera and let the aggressor know they're being caught in the act. Or do so secretly and share it with the police. **

I just gave an extreme example of suffering in the moment. But the same wisdom applies to negative emotions, like loneliness. Thinking "I shouldn't be lonely" doesn't help. Acknowledging the emotion of loneliness is skillful means. You are accepting reality: I am lonely. The next question is "What can I do to alleviate this suffering?" Perhaps call a friend and share the feeling with them? Talk to an ally? Find a support group? Get out into nature? Find what works for you.

If you are a trans person looking for a support group, we have two Monday night therapy/support groups from 6:30-8:00 pm. The first and third Monday of each month is "Ladies/girls only" for trans women and girls. The second and fourth Monday is for everyone on the spectrum. For more information, comment here and/or call Central Counseling Services at 951-778-0230.

Handling Strong Emotions When the Unthinkable Happens—To Someone Else

Warning: this post refers to the December 2, 2015 shooting at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California. It is meant to help people who were not directly involved in those events, but who are nonetheless experiencing emotional distress.

On the morningof December 2, 2015, the unthinkable happened here in the Inland Empire. Two armed people entered the Inland Regional Center, killed 14 people, and wounded over 20 more. I was talking to Sherry in the waiting room when Jill came out of her office and told us the awful news of what was happening just a few miles away. Stunned as I was, I had clients to see and that's what I concentrated on. As long as I was busy with the problems of others, I was fine. Only when I was about to drive home to Redlands and my husband texted me that the FBI was investigating a house on Center Street did I feel any fear. I arrived home safely, of course, watched the news and took phone calls from family and friends. The next morning I drove past Center Street on my way to an early appointment. The street was cordoned off with yellow tape and police cars. According to the morning news, the house on Center had been a "bomb factory." I was suddenly so nauseated that I had to stop and get a soda to settle my stomach. When I got home I curled up on the couch under a blanket, cried, slept for hours, and woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I watched a little news, talked with my family, went to sleep very early and had nightmares. The next day I was functional again. The whole event seemed surreal.

As a therapist I recognized these as normal stress reactions. I was not at the Regional Center, and I don't know any of the dead or wounded. But this happened in my community and it hit me hard.

Each person reacts to terrible things in her or his own way, and everyone has a different threshold for what constitutes a traumatic event. Some will shake their heads and go on with their day, others will go to a vigil, hug their kids, look at the sunset, or have a stiff drink. Others may react as I did, but think, "I wasn't there. Why am I feeling so bad?" or worse yet, "I shouldn't be feeling so bad." But the fact remains that they are feeling bad. In the wake of a public trauma, it's important to be honest with ourselves about how we are doing. Here are some common reactions:

Depression

Anger

Crying

Emotional numbness

Insomnia or sleeping more than usual

Nightmares

Loss of appetite

Being easily startled

Feeling fearful for no reason

Hypervigilance

For most people, these feelings will soon fade on their own and life will go on. Self care practices such as exercise, time spent with family and friends, meditation, prayer, volunteer work, reading, hobbies, and focusing on the here and now can all help. However, if symptoms persist for more than a few weeks and interfere with your daily life, then it's time to see a therapist to discuss your level of anxiety and/or depression. It's ok to need a little extra help, and talking with a therapist can be very reassuring.

In short, even if you are not directly involved in terrible events, you can still be affected by them. It's part of being human. 

Multitasking is a LIE

It's a Lie we tell ourselves...

We have all heard that multitasking is the best way to be highly efficient and it's the way smart people get things done. We are always trying to find a way to get more tasks accomplished within our 24 hours and multitasking seems to be the answer right? Wrong. We all have been sold a bill of goods; really, we have.  The word multitasking was first used in 1960 to described a computer’s ability to perform many tasks seemly all at once; ultimately, multitasking literally means multiple tasks alternately sharing one resource in this case a CPU. Due to a computer’s fast ability to read code it “looks like” it is doing more than one task at a time. However, even the CPU cannot read two lines of code at a time. What the CPU is actually doing is alternately reading and executing the code by switching back and forth between the codes until the tasks are done.

 

Overtime, this lie of multitasking became synonymous with people doing multiple tasks. Now I hear what you are saying “Hey wait a minute humans can multitask; we can walk and talk, or chew gum and walk, or even drive and listen to music all at the same time.” Yes, you are right those small tasks can be done simultaneously. However, not with equal attention and more importantly our attention bounces between the two tasks. If the tasks have greater focus the harder they are to complete together. Think about driving and talking on the phone. This activity is responsible for over 6000 deaths annually and is the number one cause of death in teens even over alcohol use. http://bit.ly/1LOfHPH Additionally,  I see people that come into my office stressed and feeling over whelmed and I will ask about their sleep schedule, their commute time, family time, personal (alone) time and about their working time. They tell me that almost every moment of their day is planned out and yet they still want to do more. They want to be able to add other things to their schedule or they feel they just can’t juggle anything more. They feel depressed, sad, overwhelmed and stressed, with little life satisfaction. They can’t understand why, “if only I could get more organized they say it would all work out.”  I am here to give you the freedom of doing one thing and doing it well.  No more multitasking; now doesn’t that feel good? So why is multitasking so bad for us? According to a 2009 study at Stanford University, multitasks pay a big mental price. The study found that:

• Reduces the amount of information you can remember; decreased overall memory
• Unable to filter out irrelevant information; so tasks actually take longer
• Unable to focus on the goal at hand
• Always thinking about  other things but not able to complete the task
• Inability to concentrate for long periods of time  
• We become less efficient as we lose time by switching between tasks
• The stress hormone cortisol increase in the brain when we multitask
• We actually lose 10 functional IQ points

World expert on divided attention and Neuroscientist, Earl Miller, at MIT states it this way...

                “Our brains are not wired to multitask well.” When people think they’re multitasking, they’re actually just switching from one task to another very rapidly. And every time they do, there’s a cognitive cost in doing so.”

 If you suffer from the “shiny object syndrome” or if you're still not convinced to give up multitasking I challenge you to just try for a day. Work on one project until it’s completion. Put the phone on mute, turn off the email pings and solidly work on the task. See if it takes you less time, you have more focus, if your brain is less fatigued and you may even have more energy and a bigger sense of accomplishment.     

Need a A Push To Start Therapy?

17 Inspirational Quotes to Motivate YOU to Start Therapy Today

Contemplating therapy? Thinking about picking up the phone is the first step in your journey towards emotional wellness. Sometimes we just need a little something extra to help us become excited and invested in committing to change. We hope one of the following quotes will resonate with you and give you the courage you need to take the next step.

1. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you--Maya Angelou

2. When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary--Fred Rogers

3. If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail--Abraham Maslow

4. My potential is unlimited--Success Mantra

5. You can't change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it--Unknown

6. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate--Carl Jung

7. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest diseases and it's toll on success and happiness is heavy--Wayne Gretsky

8. All great changes are preceded by chaos--Deepak Chopra

9. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves--Viktor Frankl

10. Nothing will work unless you do--Maya Angelou

11. In any given moment, we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety--Abraham Maslow

12. Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort--Fred Rogers

13. The future depends on what you do today--Mahatma Ghandi

14. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it--Art Williams

15. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out--Robert Collier

16. The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new--Dan Millman

17. And you? When will you begin the long journey into yourself?--Rumi

We hop we have inspired you to let us walk with you on your path. We want to help you make that first step. Call us today1

Take a swing.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from coming up to bat.”

Babe Ruth

April is baseball month to me; it’s the first month that I am able to catch a game at the local ball field. I know that spring training has happen and to many fans that is the start of baseball but to me it’s when the teams are ready to show off at their home field; opening day signals the start of baseball season and anticipation that comes each year. It’s the start of the possibility that is exciting for me. It’s looking down at the future and making the predictions based on the statistics; plus add in a little heart and determination. Some have even said that when teams are otherwise equal it’s their passion, heart and pure determination that will carry the team.  I believe this.

In my work with people, often times they come into my office feeling defeated, sad, depressed, anxiety ridden and they have lost their passion for life or they have become derailed in addiction or making wrong choices that they just get lost.  One of the first things I ask them is “What do you want your life to look like?” “How would your life look if everything was going well?” Sometimes people do not have an answer to these questions. Other times they have a good idea but they fear thinking ahead because they feel they have always been a failure and why bother. Or even worse “I can’t.” Sometimes we have to learn how to pick ourselves up and stop shaming our self. Self-shame can motivate a person into action but I see self-shame mostly being used to validate a person’s feeling of not being worthy. Therefore, I really see no great reason to continuing to using self-shame as our assessment tool. It has proven that it is more damaging to us then helpful.

Let’s instead focus on the action needed to get ourselves moving. I would suggest sitting down once a week and really ask yourself “How is my life going? “What am I doing that is working well.” Go ahead list all the strengths you can find. I will even give you one to start with; wright this down:

Strengths: You are reading this blog and you have thought that maybe I can move my life in a forward direction.

I would agree with your assessment you can move forward. Next I would sit down and write out a prefect day. Your perfect day. Yes, dream how would you like your life to be? Would you be in the job you’re in? The relationship you’re in?   If not, start to take steps to get closer to that goal each day, each week, and each year. Even if you only do one thing a week for a year that is still 52 steps towards your goal. Write it all down. If it doesn’t get on paper your brain can’t start to work on it in helping you push towards those goals. Yes, you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Start stringing together your perfect day one after another and before you know it your life will be mostly what you want each and every day. Will it take hard work, yup, but everything in life takes hard work, determination and passion. Put fear on the back burner. I know easier said than done. However, it can be done, yes it can. I see change happening each and every day; I do, I really do. So don’t wait any longer start on that 52 step journey and let me know how it is going along the way.