Many of us are quite familiar with the word codependency. We often associate it with someone who is “needy” or who relies on others to do every day life. In reality, codependency is far more than just relying on others; it is a maladaptive way of maintaining interpersonal relationships and a skewed view of self. Let’s talk about a few yellow flags of codependency in any relationship…
Does your child have sensory overload? Does he or she display anxiety, irritability, and restlessness, or avoiding specific places or situations, closing their eyes, covering the face, crying, placing their hands over their ears, the inability to converse with others, or connect to them. Do they run away from specific places or situations? Even going to the school or the cafeteria can lead to sensory overload. The sounds of people talking loudly, strong smells of food, and flickering fluorescent lights can trigger feelings of being overwhelmed and uncomfortable.
Your child may be suffering from a sensory processing disorder.
Most commonly found in children with autism spectrum disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, Down syndrome, ADHD, and PTSD. However, a child with a Neurological condition such as Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH), which affects their sight, can also include the sensory processing disorder. Having OHN was the case for my child. Some children will avoid interactions with peers, have a
difficult time holding a conversation, temper tantrums, overall seem withdrawn, and like quiet places. These are all symptoms of sensory processing problems and not just bad behavior by your child.
Below I have provided some tried and true small tips to help you and your child during sensory overload.
• Help your child avoid triggering situations. This was hard for me with my own child because would become frustrated when she did not want to participate in dance classes or talk to her friend or me. She would avoid conversations and lack emotional excitement when introduced to new experiences.
• Give your child the words to explain what is happening and how it feels. When I started to ask my child how she felt, she began to use the words “scared” or “afraid.” Once I knew how she was feeling, we could start to use self-soothing techniques such a deep breathing, etc..
• Validate the child’s feelings and experiences. Let them know you will always love and care for them, and it is okay to be scared sometimes.
• Inform teachers of the possibility of sensory overload and ask for their support in finding a safe place your child could go when he or she is feeling overwhelmed so they could use coping skills to help reduce the symptoms overload. Sometimes just a new placement in a classroom can help. These children should not be in the middle of the classroom. Aim for a corner or by a wall where they will have fewer children directly around them. This little change may provide your child with significant benefits.
• Seek professional help from an individual therapist to assist with coping skills and self-soothing techniques, talk your to child’s pediatrician and ask for a referral to an occupational therapist. Occupation therapists are excellent resources that can give you exercise to help with self-soothing and self-regulation.
Remember that your child is not trying to be difficult, but if you keep in mind “nails on a chalkboard, ”this sensation is often how your child experiences simple things such as talking or moving their desk at school. There is an actual change in the structure of the brain that makes responding to some daily tasks unbearable for these children. With guidance from your child’s medical teams, your child can learn how to respond better to the stimuli of the world around him.
It seems this "shelter in place" is a time that is going to tests mom's and dad's nerves when it comes to "custody arrangements". Some of these arrangements have to do with school terms and when parents have made arrangements for custody when school is in or out of session, to attempt to make arrangements helpful for the children and parents.
Now, since kids are being taught "at home" or homeschooled with check-ins from teachers throughout the week. Parents have had to change custody arrangements. Courts are not in session, so for now, the goodwill of both parents is very important. It should be recognized that most parents are very dutiful about thinking of their children when making new arrangements. "Travel" back and forth for children and parents needs to be one of goodwill and fair understanding of the travel ban in their area.
When parents don't show "goodwill" to each other, children will feel the tension, (they already have way too much of that in the Pandemic). Kids know when mom and dad don't agree and can't co-parent well. How to make this fair to everyone should be the concern, especially towards the children's benefit.
Parents! Here is what you need to do: sit down and have the adult conversation without the children and make sound arrangements. Some parents live very close to one another, but other households might be 20, 30 miles away from children's friends, grandparents or other extended families. Keep these specifics in mind as you discuss arrangements. You can spend tons of money going back and forth with attorneys and the courts. Or you can stop squabbling during this very serious time, and work to have a good plan. Then let the children know why and how these arrangements are in their best interest. Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime, can provide parents and children time to talk when they are at the other parent's home; you can talk about the week or the day together. A parent can call and say good-night to their child. You can help them with homework from the teacher via "connections".
At this time in our world, children need the stability of good, caring parents who can set their differences aside, and come together for the children.
Want more information? Check out my latest Vlog on this topic: Keeping the kids feeling safe
