Depression: recognizing the signs, how to cope, and where to find help

Depression can make it tough to enjoy life, especially when feelings of despair and hopelessness always persist. 

Some notable symptoms include depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty) or a loss of pleasure or interest in activities, for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks. Several other symptoms are also present, which may include poor concentration, feelings of excessive guilt or low self-worth, hopelessness about the future, thoughts about dying or suicide, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling especially tired or low in energy. 

In some contexts, people may express their mood changes more readily in the form of bodily symptoms (ie. pain, fatigue, weakness). Yet, these physical symptoms are not due to another medical condition. 

During a depressive episode, a person may experience significant difficulty in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, and/or other important areas of functioning. 

A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning. 

Below are some tips to begin self-help for managing symptoms of depression:

1. Engage in enjoyable activities: Spend time doing something you love each day. Spending time consistently to do things that bring us joy has a compound effect on our overall happiness and quality of life.

2. Physical activity: Walking and yoga are great ways to boost the “feel good” chemical in our brain and increase mood.

3. Journaling: Journaling helps to manage our thoughts and feelings and get them off our mind.

4. Listen to music: Music is another fantastic way to cope with depression. Make a playlist of uplifting songs to listen to when you’re feeling down.

5. Relax: Relaxation can also help you cope with negative feelings. Take a hot shower, a bath, and watch a movie or TV show. You will be surprised at what some good R&R can do for your mood.

6. Volunteer: Volunteering is a great way to avoid negative thoughts and help those who may be worse off than you. Serving others is a proven way to build self-esteem and resiliency. Look for volunteer opportunities in your area.

7. Get enough sleep: Sleep also correlates with your mood. If youre not sleeping well, then you probably feel more depressed and irritable, not to mention tired. Talk to your doctor about your options to help you get a good night's sleep.

***Seeking help and support can seem impossible, but there is hope and assistance out there.

Where to find support:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders.

• Visit the online treatment locator:

https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ 

OR Call: 1-800-662-4357

Other options to seek help: 

1. Call your doctor and make an appointment.

2. Call your local County Mental Health clinic.

~Brandi Scott, LMFT

I have been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2007. I enjoy working with all ages, but have specialized in children and adolescents with severe emotional disturbances. I enjoy family time, bicycling, and going to the beach. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help people, as this has always been my passion.

Accidents Happen to All of Us

At the age of ten I was in a fairly bad car accident. It left me with a broken nose and severe whiplash. By age twelve I was beginning to complain about neck and pack pains and by fourteen the feelings were daily. Throughout high school it was not uncommon to hear me complaining about my neck and back or constantly pulling and adjusting at my shoulders. At that time, however, it did not keep me from doing the things I loved to do, such as sewing, dance, and other physical activities. My homelife was also stressful at that time and days where pain flareups were worse, I often did little to nothing. Of course, doing little to nothing can be common in teenage years, but the constant pain on top of stress could drain the energy from me and leave me with no reserves for basic functions. 

I married and had kids young and the stress of this also made for difficulties in managing my pain. By the age of twenty-five and a couple more car accidents, I had finally had enough and sought more intensive treatment. I was given shots, pills, and physical therapy. All of which provided temporary relief (except perhaps the agonizing and daily requirements of physical therapy which took a long time to see lasting results from), and I was never one to want to be dependent on pills. I needed to reevaluate everything.

The Problem

Experiencing chronic pain can impact not only your daily functioning, but your mental health. Pain can have a significant impact on all areas of our lives from sleep to eating to even thinking straight. The populations with the highest rates of suicide deaths are those cited as nearly one in ten having had signs of chronic pain. Pain can affect the way we sleep and our quality of sleep, making our ability to eat and tolerate stress and frustration impossible, as well as decrease focus/concentration-related accidents. Sleep is arguably one of the most important basic functions we can do as humans. Our mental health is directly affected when we are negatively impacted by constant and persistent pain, creating a level of emotional hostility when we are preoccupied with managing even mild rates of discomfort. We become less friendly, experience less happiness, basic functional impairment (as discussed above), and increase our production of the stress hormone cortisol.

While there is a physiological and medical cause for a lot of chronic pain, it is important to critically evaluate your lifestyle and the way we interact with ourselves. While our mental state and emotional health may not always be a cause of pain, it is something well documented to have somatic implications on our physical health.

Why This Matters

Chronic pain and its emotional effects it can have in our lives can hinder our self-esteem, self-efficacy, and our relationships with others. This is important because we rely on the emotional (and sometimes physical) support of others. It can feel hard to tolerate being an emotional support for others when you feel constant agony within yourself. It can fuel undo resentment that is difficult to rationalize. It can cause us to be short-tempered, snarky, snappy, or completely unresponsive. Chronic pain can damage relationships as much as it can damage our self-worth and self-esteem. 

The presence of chronic pain can create and worsen our perception and interaction with others and the world by depriving us of basic needs as well as emotional wellbeing.

The types of chronic pain we all can deal with will vary from person to person and natural temperament plays an important role too. Our support system is another big factor which is why pushing people away for what we cannot control is the last thing we want to do! We may not be able to control how we feel at any given moment, but we always have control over our behaviors and the words we choose to express our pains and frustrations.

What Can We Do?

While the idea of managing chronic pain with no end in sight can be daunting as well as devastating, it is important to have a team behind you. This is your care team of professionals, such as doctors and therapists, as well as your support team such as friends and family. If pain management has minimal effects on comfort, such as those suffering with fibromyalgia or other painful conditions, having a solid care routine is crucial. Follow your medical doctor’s recommendations and advice religiously. 

You can also get emotional and mental support from mental health therapists that can teach you coping skills such as cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness therapy, somatic anchoring techniques, and exploring commitment and radical, unconditional acceptance. With support it can become easier to express your immediate needs, your limitations, and how others can best help you when you most need it. Through evaluation and inner awareness you can assess where your lifestyle can improve your quality of life as well as emotional factors playing into the worsening of symptoms.

It is important to remember we are sometimes overtaken by our intense pain, both physically and emotionally, that it is easy to overlook the good and where we can improve our own environment to support healthy functions.

Next Steps

What can we do next? Start with seeking support for emotional wellness and mental fortitude while you battle a force beyond your control. Seek someone who can help guide you through the mourning process and feelings of loss that chronic pain causes. Practice patience for yourself through this acceptance process on days you cannot do as much as you did yesterday. Use mindfulness exercises that help you through this acceptance process, but also allow yourself to experience positive moments throughout your day. While pain is experienced in the body, it is perceived only in the brain. A trained cognitive behavioral therapist can help put the experience of your pain into context and better understanding of your body. Your next steps may be daunting, but you do not have to endure it alone. Call me I understand you pain.

Teens are More Prone to Anxiety

The last couple of years have been stressful, and not knowing when or maybe I should say if this pandemic will ever go away has caused ever greater stress. A recent research study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine entitled, Anxiety in Older Adolescents at the Time of COVID-19 (September 2020) has demonstrated higher than usual symptoms leading to severe psychological, emotional, social, and relationship concerns. It should also be noted that teens are affected with higher rates of anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 teens meeting the criteria for an Anxiety Disorder.

Fear is the emotion that trumps all emotions, and it sets the alarms off in our brain to take some action to protect ourselves. When that happens, we are in the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response in our brains. When this occurs, the brain releases a ton of neurochemicals which includes hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline, increased blood pressure, and breathing rates (increased oxygen), all to single your body at least temporary to make you more powerful, stronger, faster, more cognitively aware so you can keep yourself alive by fighting or fleeing. Our brains want us to thrive, and thus sometimes, our brain becomes overprotective. Anxiety is a normal response to the pandemic, fear, social isolation, and the virus itself. The pandemic has enforced physical distancing, isolation, less direct communication, and unpredictability. If you haven’t noticed, we humans love some consistency. 

If we think about being a teen and the developmental stages, it’s the teen’s job, if you will; to try on new social groups, values, big emotional responses, pushing away from parents (just a bit) to determine who they are, future planning and brain growth. 

The pandemic stopped the “normal flow” of being a teen.

According to an article in Penn State Social Research, Teens and Anxiety During COVID 19. 79% of teens reported not seeing friends or family in person has been the most harmful consequence of COVID. Additionally, higher rates of anxiety, negative self-talk, blame, and physical symptoms have also been reported.

Parents weren’t immune to pandemic stress; they too had to overcome pandemic anxiety and balance increased childcare needs due to school closures and financial and other health concerns. Single parents had it particularly hard as resources dried up. 

There is some good news; teens got more sleep during the pandemic, with a 14% increase in sleep overall. We turned to social media to help stay connected, and while it can’t give you a hug, we could stay connected. Many families could try new hobbies like gardening, bike riding, or cooking together. New activities make our brains happy and decrease stress. 

Tools to Learn

Have you ever heard of Mindfulness? This tool helps decrease anxiety by helping us remain in the present and not thinking of all the “what ifs” of the future. Feeling the feeling or sensation of your body and just noticing what is happening. No judgment, just notice. It’s being gentle with you. 

Jamie D. Roberts, LMFT, in her new book Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety, Describes  “Noticing The Neutral”  Since our brains are hardwired to find the negative, we must teach our brains to identify other thoughts too. She describes a quick 10-minute exercise you just notice what you’re thinking about. Are these The are main points include. 

1. Pause what you are thinking and review the day you had.

2. Notice any interactions or moments that stand out. Set them aside in your mind.

3. What occurred in between those moments? Consider the mundane and typical daily activities that do not bring up extreme feelings (either positive or negative)

Examples:

Your phone is 50% charged

Your sibling is sitting next to you

You don’t have homework

4. Are there moments that happen daily or regularly? Make a note of it?

5. If you can’t think of something, pay close attention through tomorrow and try the exercise again tomorrow.

Bottom-line, the more time we pay attention to the “okay moments,” the more we will notice that life is not all bad.

Other activities to decrease anxiety include physical exercise, laughing, finding a great movie, or spending time with friends; laughing is a physical release so exercise that funny bone, eating healthy, learning something new, and journaling have proven to help reduce anxiety. 

If anxiety still is overpowering, call us at CCS Education and Wellness to help. (951) 742-7435

Gratitude: How To Find It And How To Use It

Few things in life are free but luckily for us, gratitude is among them. The last few years have been unrecognizable with the constant change, uncertainty, and associated stressors with living during a global pandemic (If you are alive and reading my post, here is the first thing to be grateful for…think of it as a freebie ☺). 

Whether your difficulties preceded or were brought on by or during the pandemic—from health, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, stress, and financial problems, to work-related, family, and relationship issues—you are NOT alone! The important thing to remember, no matter which difficulties resonate, is that we are here for you and can help. 

Finding gratitude in your everyday can also help.

What is gratitude? The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as the “quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Gratitude “can be viewed as a wider life orientation towards noticing and being grateful for the positive in the world” (Jans-Beken et al., 2019, p. 743). Delving further, gratitude is noticing what is abundant, already present (big or small), while taking nothing for granted and appreciating the gift of and saying yes to life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Team, 2017). 

Why is gratitude important you ask? Over the years scientists have found a positive link between gratitude, positive emotions, health, and well-being (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Research has shown gratitude can help make friends, improve physical and psychological health, improve sleep, boost self-esteem, reduce aggression and enhance empathy (Oppland, 2022). With this realization, interventions soon were developed to assist anyone who was interested in finding what they have to be grateful for in their lives, from gratitude journaling to meditation, there is something for everyone (Jans-Beken et al., 2019; Oppland, 2022).

Gratitude journaling consists of writing about things, people, pets, places, acts, and/or events you feel grateful for (Jans-Beken et al., 2019). Doing so at least once a week is a great way to begin your practice. You can do this in a notebook, a note on your phone, on your computer, or even share (and perhaps inspire others) on your social media. There are no rules, you can journal several times a week or daily if you like. 

Another way to begin your practice is to get a jar (or any vessel you prefer), write on paper what you are grateful for, and put it inside (Oppland, 2022). Many suggest writing three things on the paper from your day or week, but you could have one thing one day and five the next. If you do not want to put your paper in a jar, you could create a gratitude tree, a flower, a collage, or whatever you desire (Oppland, 2022). 

If writing and artsy projects are not your cups of tea, then I suggest trying meditation. Find a quiet spot where you can sit or lay down, whichever is most comfortable. You can set a timer; I suggest somewhere between 3-5 minutes. Focus on how your body feels and your breath as you breathe in and out. With gratitude meditation, you visualize what you are grateful for in your life, including your body’s current abilities (i.e. breathing, having the arm strength to propel your wheelchair, sight, etc.). Your mind will most likely wander, show yourself some grace and return to your mediation.

Whatever path you chose, have some fun while finding your gratitude, however, please keep in mind that in order to become good at anything, you must practice, and finding gratitude in your day is no different. Most everyone gets swept up in society’s bigger, better, faster, newer mindset whether it be with cell phones, cars, houses, or body enhancements…you get my drift. However, in your gratitude practice do not be surprised if you find contentment in what you already possess. Your cell phone may not be the newest version, but you are grateful to have one, that it works, and can use it to communicate with your friends and family. Your significant other may not look as new as they once did, but you appreciate your time together, the lines on their face from your shared laughter, and being alive. Today, whether you are on top of the world or in your darkest hour, I encourage you to recognize/see/find one thing in your life for which you are grateful <3 and remember we are here for you. 


-Kristen

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together” - Vincent Van Gogh

My name is Kristen (she/her) and I am an MSW Student Intern here at CCS. I have over 15 years of experience working in adult and child welfare and dealing with the Criminal, Family Law and Juvenile Court systems. Throughout my years of experience working with families, I have encountered all ages, genders, and a variety of cultures dealing with substance abuse, domestic violence, and abuse and neglect issues. Please note, I am only English-speaking. 

You are doing a great thing by considering counseling! Nothing frightens or embarrasses me and I offer a safe, judgment-free environment. Together we can create the change you seek. To set up an appointment please call, 951-778-0230. 

References:

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377.

Jans-Beken, L., Jacobs, N., Janssens, M., Peeters, S., Reijnders, J., Lechner, L., & Lataster, J. (2019). Gratitude and health: An updated review. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(6), 743–782. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1651888

Oppland, B. M. A. (2022, February 7). 13 Most Popular Gratitude Exercises & Activities. PositivePsychology.Com. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/

Team, T. G. (2017, November 2). What is Gratitude? Gratefulness.Org. https://gratefulness.org/resource/what-is-gratitude/

For The Love of Fido: Pets and Your Mental Health

Happy National Walk The Dog Day! Make sure to give the pups a little extra walkies time today. The benefits of owning a dog (or any pet) are well documented. Reduction in high blood pressure, increased immunity, manageable cholesterol levels, and a lowered risk of heart disease are just a few of the physical health benefits that Fido and Fluffy bring to your life.

The mental health bennies are even more profound. Studies suggest that owning a pet can reduce stress, decrease anxiety, help manage depression, and boost your mood. The day-to-day care of a pet can contribute to an increase in physical activity, long recognized as a healthy part of managing both physical and mental health. Doing so also gives you something to wake up and get out of bed for! 

Caring for a pet takes patience, diligence, mindfulness, and persistence. You’ll need to do research to determine how to set up the proper environment, the most nutritious food, and how to support your pet’s health. Doing the work of caring for another can give a sense of purpose and meaning to your life. Hanging out with your pet is a powerful remedy for loneliness, and their unconditional love and appreciation can be warm comfort to an aching heart.

It is said that people who struggle with depression have problems letting go of the past, and those who suffer from anxiety fear the future. Pets are a study in mindfulness, or the practice of remaining in the present. Enjoying bonding time, play time, or hand taming of your pet encourages you to live in the moment, to allow yourself the joy of the day, and to connect with the little being who seeks your love and attention. The practice of mindfulness is a frequent treatment intervention for such mental health struggles as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Plus, playing with your pet is just plain fun! Walking your dog can encourage you to get out in nature and soak up some sunshine, which significantly reduces depressive symptoms. Waving a play wand for your cat gets you moving about, great for easing pain and reducing anxiety. Feeding and maintaining your pet’s physical appearance is satisfying and rewarding, as you can immediately see the benefits of your work in their happy demeanor and shiny coat/fins/scales/feathers.

Let’s not leave out the kids! Owning, working with, or engaging in therapy with animals has been shown to help children with emotional development and regulation. A study conducted with children living with autism showed that having a class pet helped them develop important social skills; increased their ability to relate to their classmates; decreased instances of emotional overwhelm and behavioral outbursts; and significantly reduced their stress levels. Teens who own and care for pets typically struggle less with social anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. Grieving children with pets seem to process their grief more readily than children without pets.

Whether they have fur, fins, scales, or wings, having a pet can help you manage your mental health. If you cannot own a pet, consider other ways to get into contact with animals: dog walking/pet sitting, volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue organization, or helping a friend or family member care for their own pet. Do some research to find the best pet for your energy level, interest, and lifestyle. You can learn more about ways of managing your mental health in session with me or any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call to book an appointment today!

~Alexia

10 Ways Pet Support Mental Health. (2018, June 1). Retrieved from the Newport Academy website: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/well-being/pets-and-mental-health/ 

“Life knocks us down sometimes, and when that happens, we can all use a hand getting back up.

It’s my honor and privilege to be a helping hand when you are in need. 

I provide gentle guidance, an empathetic ear, and a safe, non-judgmental space to work through issues that make life difficult. I specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and struggles with trauma, especially as related to substance use/abuse (yours or a loved one’s), military service, and family troubles. In therapy, we will explore safe, effective coping mechanisms to help you manage life; examine and refine your self-care; and process those issues that cause you difficulty. Remember that you are the expert of your own life, so we will work together to find solutions that fit you best."

Alexia is also EMDR Trained.

Have You Gotten Boosted For Self-Esteem?

“I will never be good enough.” “No one likes me.” “I am worthless.”

We have all heard these statements before. You may have heard someone else say them aloud about themselves, or they have appeared as thoughts swimming around in your own head. Statements like these are referred to as ‘negative self-talk’ or ‘self-disparaging remarks,’ but where exactly do they develop from? 

We certainly are not born with these thoughts about ourselves. Somewhere along the course of development, you had experiences that influenced how you think about yourself. Those experiences caused you to develop a belief system about yourself and the world you live in. 

Self-esteem is a person’s perception of how they think and feel about themself. High self-esteem leads to one feeling positive and confident about themselves; low self-esteem can cause a person to feel down and depressed. Low self-esteem can occur within disorders such as Depression or Social Anxiety. Low self-esteem can be caused by factors such as being bullied, ridiculed, ignored, abandoned, rejected, or treated unfairly. Your self-esteem can also be influenced by life experiences, trauma, neglect, abuse, and other factors. Low self-esteem often begins in childhood and can persist into adulthood.

 A study done by Orth and Robins (2014) concluded that one’s self-esteem starts to increase at adolescence and is consistent through middle adulthood, peaks around the age of 50-60 years, and begins to decline rapidly into old age.

Oftentimes, the focus is given to low self-esteem rather than high self-esteem. People are encouraged to esteem themselves higher and think positively when it comes to their sense of self. How do you know where you lie on the self-esteem spectrum?

Several studies have found that people with high self-esteem:

• appreciate themselves 

• appreciate other people

• seek opportunities for personal growth

• are confident in the decisions they make

• are able to focus with ease, on solving their problems

• Have loving and respectful relationships.

• Can kindly and confidently share their wants, needs, and opinions with others.

While people with low self-esteem:

• Are often “people pleasers”

• become easily angered or irritated

• feel their wants, needs, or opinions do not matter

• Have difficulty creating boundaries

• Are overly sensitive to the opinions of others

• Are extremely indecisive

• Have feelings of worthlessness

• avoid taking risks or trying new things

• struggle with confidence

• give more attention to their weaknesses

• Have difficulty saying “no”

• Regularly feel negative emotions like anxiety, depression, or fear.

So, how can you boost your self-esteem?

Acknowledge your strengths – What is working well for you? What skills, abilities, and talents do you already have? Acknowledge past successes and use them to guide you in your present moments towards your future.

Identify your good qualities- You are uniquely, you! Focus on what makes you a good person. Write those qualities down and post them somewhere so that you can read them daily. If you need help, ask a friend or family member to point out good qualities they notice within you.

Develop positive self-talk to increase your confidence- Our thoughts have an effect on our mood and the beliefs we have about ourselves. Create a list of positive statements about yourself, your environment, and your future. From the list, pick one to read daily. 

Read/Listen to self-help books or Podcasts – Books are a great resource for learning the skills and tools needed to help you improve the areas of your life that need that extra TLC! If you are not a fan of reading, audiobooks and podcasts are a great alternative. 

Journal your feelings- Want a safe place for you to express your thoughts and feelings without punishment or judgment? Get yourself a journal. Journaling can help you to get those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Doing this activity daily can assist with the opportunity to identify negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

Set goals and plan for achievement- Set small goals and plan the steps it takes to achieve them. By setting goals and achieving them, you can acknowledge these accomplishments and increase your confidence. A good rule of thumb when setting goals is to make them Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely, aka (S.M.A.R.T goals). 

Take care of your body- Exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and eating healthy, balanced meals are all great for managing your mental health.

Practice deep breathing/relaxation techniques- There are many benefits to deep breathing, including the reduction of stress. Research has found a link between healthy individuals who practiced deep breathing and relaxation; they were found to have better control over their emotions and mental well-being. Ask your therapist to train you in the use of these techniques if you are not familiar with them.

Seek counseling- Talking to a mental health professional about your self-esteem issues can be helpful. A therapist can help you identify and focus on thinking patterns that contribute to poor self-esteem. A mental health professional can also assist in identifying other related conditions that may be causing you to have a poorer sense of self (e.g., depression, anxiety). You can learn to develop and use coping skills that will support your overall mental health and well-being.

If you find that your journalling or self-talk is negative, you might find speaking to a counselor for a few sessions can really turn your thoughts around.    You can set up an appointment with me Danielle Neazer, AMFT or any one of our our therapists.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

~Danielle                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Zaccaro, A., Piarulli, A., Laurino, M., Garbella, E., Menicucci, D., Neri, B., & Gemignani, A. (2018). How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of Slow Breathing. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 12, 353. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353

I enjoy experiencing the journey and aiding my clients to take control of their mental health. I love seeing other people especially my clients become healthier and happier. I find pride in helping others become the best version of themselves. I love learning and teaching. I believe if you teach a person, as opposed to just telling them, how to achieve a life of health and wellness, they can experience change.

I have experience working with children, adolescence, and the young adult population. I specialize in Depression, Anxiety, Self-Esteem, and Autism Spectrum Disorder

During my sessions, I strive to create an environment of politeness and respect for each other, confidentiality, honesty, and integrity.

As an AMFT, my personal goal is to continue professional development and achieve licensure. To be competent and use best practices in treating the mental health community. I strive to continue to develop as a therapist and never stop learning.

I am based in our Murrieta location and available for both in-person and telehealth sessions during the week. Please, call me today to set up an appointment, 951-778-0230.

Guarding Against Mental Health in Adulthood Can Begin in Childhood

Parenting . . . the struggle is real.

The best parents want to fulfill the needs of their children. Do they realize that means the psychological needs to be seen, feel safe, secure and soothed when it’s needed? Possibly. Some parents appear more natural than others.

As a parent, you want to do what’s best. It would be easiest if we could treat all of our children the same, however they are each unique individuals. Treating each of them the same will not do. Any parent that has tried this approach knows this does not work well and may have ended up in a big parenting struggle.

According to the American Psychological Association there are several different parenting styles:

• Authoritative – nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet sets firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children’s behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. Don’t worry – it doesn’t mean they always accept the child’s viewpoint, but the parent does listen.

• Permissive - parents are warm but lax. They fail to set firm limits, to monitor children’s activities closely or to require appropriately mature behavior of the children.

• Uninvolved – parents are unresponsive, unavailable and rejecting. This is a close cousin to Authoritarian.

• Authoritarian – is an extremely strict parenting style that places high expectations on children’s with little responsiveness. The focus tends to be on obedience, discipline, control rather than nurturing the child (www.webmd.com definition)

The authoritarian and uninvolved parenting results in children with low self-esteem and little self-confidence and seek other, often times inappropriate, role models to substitute for this neglectful parent.

Permissive parents tend to have children that are impulsive, rebellious, aimless, domineering, aggressive and low in self-reliance, self-control and achievement.

Ideally, we would have children that are friendly, energetic, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, curious, cooperative and achievement-oriented that have strong emotional intelligence. This child of the authoritative parent. 

Great! Now that we’ve defined an effective parenting style how do we achieve this if we have not experienced this ideal parenting style in our own lives?

How are you consistent in method yet unique to each child? It’s a tough question.

The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) can achieve this parenting need.

The Nurtured Heart Approach was created for those helping the difficult or intense child. According to the creator, Howard Glasser, it’s about seeing what’s right in the child in front of you and using emotionally nutritious words to recognize them. The Nurtured Heart Approach consists of a set of strategies that assists children in further developing their self-regulation and has been found effective with children of all ages.  It focuses on transforming the way children perceive themselves, their caregivers and the world around them.  Children learn to understand that they will receive endless amounts of praise, energy, recognition and reward through the positive behavior they display and this supports children to build a positive portfolio of themselves, which we call “Inner Wealth™.”  

The basic tenets of this type of parenting are to:

• refuse to energize negativity

• relentlessly energize the positive

• clearly but un-energetically enforce limits

For more information on the Nurtured Heart Approach please visit www.ChildrensSuccessFoundation.com

An educator, Yael Walfish, wrote a book, Menucha for Menucha. (Menucha means peace.) It’s a book that shows a smart, creative young lady getting frustrated and how her parents explain the limits, recognize her efforts and strengths to control herself in her frustrating moments. In time, these intense moments lessen. She has success in resetting and eventually eliminating this behavior.

Through the Nurtured Heart Approach we can train our mind to see the good in everything and bring about a transformation where all children are flourishing.

What if we were to treat our children with respect and love, and also appreciate each child with their own unique strengths and abilities? 

Potentially, this would ward off many of the mental health challenges of adulthood. Using these techniques is a step in the right direction to helping our children to become adults that feel seen, safe, soothed and secure (neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel’s 4 S’s), and then these same adults will be able to go into the world and do the same for others.

Win - Win.

~Amanda

Resources:

The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind.

https://childsuccessfoundation.org/

https://menuchapublishers.com/products/menucha-for-menucha?_pos=1&_sid=7d6056761&_ss=r

I provide counseling to individuals (adults and children) and couples. I’ve treated a wide range of challenges, mental health matters, adjustments to life’s hurts, and trauma.

Common trauma symptoms: panic attacks, chronic pain, rage, substance abuse, numbing, depression, nightmares, anxiety, and/or hopelessness.

When my loved one struggled with mental illness I received training and experience with leading classes for National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family programs and peer support groups. I am certified as an Anger Management Facilitator and SMART Recovery. Besides a Loma Linda University Master's degree, I have specialized training in Postpartum Support International’s Perinatal Mood Disorders Component of Care and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CF CBT).

Evolving and Having Hope for the New Year

The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everyone’s sense of stability, structure, and sense of control, yet again. This long-drawn-out time of uncertainty, combined with the social distancing that keeps us away from family, friends, and normal activities, has taken a significant toll on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. However, there is hope for the New Year, and this blog can help you nurture it. 

Hope is always important in our lives, but now it is more critical than ever. Hope can help you fight off depression and anxiety. Hope can motivate you to achieve your goals. Hope can help you be more resilient when we face challenging times. Hope can help you focus on the reality that you need to keep yourself safe by taking the health precautions recommended by the CDC and state and local governments.

Below are some helpful steps to take to reflect on 2021 and have hope in 2022:

1st Step - Self-Reflect and Review Our Experiences From 2021:

• Pause and Acknowledge – Speak in truth and acknowledge what our experience was like this past year.  Recognize that there have been challenges, difficulties, sadness, and many things that we had no control over. It’s ok. To reflect on these things, and we also need to choose to move forward, as well.

• Identify the Gifts and Positive Experiences – Acknowledge that there also were some things that we experienced that may have been positive, lessons learned, opportunities given, and personal growth. So it’s important to take some ownership for these things as well instead of focusing only on the negatives.

2nd Step  - Determine What We Want for 2022:

• Be Intentional – Incorporate what we want to focus on for the New Year. We can evolve and develop a new sense of self and be realistic about what we can change, yet not expect to change everything. Be careful about referring to Resolutions and instead be willing to have Evolutions in the New Year.  Select 1-2 things that were lessons that can apply towards wisdom and growth in this New Year.

• Expect and Hope for Good things to come – Love unconditionally, learn self-acceptance, improve self-worth and self-esteem, reduce stress, anxiety and depression, offer grace to yourself, and recognize life offers us choices and we can decide how we want to live it.

3rd Step – Evolving In The New Year Questions (Answer the following questions and share them with someone you really trust):

• Three Lessons I learned in 2021?

• The gifts of 2021 that I am carrying over into 2022?

• My thoughts about evolving instead of resolving?

• A few things I hope to grow through in 2022?

• My hope for 2022?

Make these a part of your goals for the New Year and celebrate that you made it through last year which was not easy. Believe in yourself and know that you are stronger than you may realize and have much to offer and accomplish in the New Year. 

It often takes more courage to have hope than not because you're being asked to look into the unknown and still believe all things are possible. Sometimes it is only hope that feeds our spirits and launches us to find the strength and power to carry on.

If we are hopeful, can bad things still happen in life? Yes, but we must remember good things happen too and sitting around feeling hopeless doesn't help anybody.  Feeling hopeful can help you develop a more open mind, which can help you access more possibilities, making it more likely you will find a resolution to your problems or a new way to live with whatever you face in the New Year.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.”   So, let’s try to be more hopeful in 2022 because hope is the beginning of all that's possible to make the world a better place for everyone. 

Wishing all of you a Happy, Hopeful and Healthy New Year!!!!

~Tosha

I believe we are created for relationship with others and even with ourselves. It is my desire for clients to discover how past and current relationships influence their behavior, thoughts, and feelings in order to bring about long-term change and healing. I greatly enjoy working with children, adolescents, adults, clients with depression, anxiety, trauma, and low self-esteem.

Finding Your Joy!

Wow, did you see that beautiful butterfly? Was that a dog… in a Santa costume?!

Or when was the last time you laughed out loud or sang along to your favorite song?

Have you crossed anything off your “To Do” List or enjoyed a good meal with a friend?

Can these small moments really make a difference in our mood?

The answer is yes, yes they can!

And as 2021 comes to and end and we are putting away the holiday décor, it might be difficult for some to find their joy.

In this blog I would like to share why I feel joy is important and how you can find it all around you.

Joy is experienced by each of us differently.

For some it is hugging their dog, or talking a walk. Meditation or gardening enables others to find their joy. For me, I find my joy when I notice my environment. I see a beautiful butterfly and in that moment I am relaxed. I feel a sense of calm.

My problems and concerns are still there but they take a backseat to the joy that I am experiencing. In that moment everything is alright in my world.

So WHY is it important to find your joy? When we experience joy we are actually having a change in our neurochemistry. Our brains are secreting hormones that relaxes and enable us to feel pleasure, satisfaction, a sense of happiness, optimism and wellbeing. These hormones are important as they bolster our mood, refill our emotional tanks and remind us that we will be okay. These hormones signal that we can find our emotional wellbeing despite what might be going on in our lives.

Often when we are upset, struggling with an issue, our thoughts are focused on what is

upsetting us. When we find our joy it reminds us that there is more to life than our problems. It does not mean that one’s problems have disappeared. What it can provide is a respite from the emotional pain. A reset and change of perspective.

How do you find joy in your own life?

I believe that it starts with mind and body awareness.

When you are aware of your body, being mindful of how you are feeling both physically and emotionally, you are better able to recognize moment of joy. This includes being aware of your environment and how you are moving around in it. Are you in a rush? Are you breathing? All are all aspects of mindfulness. When you are practicing mindfulness you are open to recognizing moments of joy.

So, as you put away your holiday décor, my hope is that you stop, breathe and take a look

around you. Did you find a surprise candy cane still hanging on the tree? Are you enjoying a playful moment with your kids? Wherever you find yourself, may you notice your JOY.

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When Leann is not talking with her clients at Central Counseling Services, you can find her in the garden looking at the butterflies and smiling.

Throughout my 10 years of working in the mental health field, whether it be inpatient care, outpatient mental health, medical setting or authorizing mental health treatment for an insurance company, the goal is the same. Listen. Be present for what is being said with nonjudgment and support. I have worked with children, adolescents and families who have struggled with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, ADHD, substance abuse, trauma and neglect. I have sat on both sides of the chair and understand what it means to be facing a crisis and how to move

forward and regain your equilibrium. My theoretical foundation lies in strength based therapy. I believe in the transformative power of listening and being present in a safe and nonjudgmental space. When you take that first step and reach out for help you have already started the healing process. Therapy is a safe place where you can unburden yourself, where the therapist is the

keeper of the faith that things will get better even if it feels like things will never change. I help you see the progress made and the inner strength reflected in yourself. You learn the skills to empower you to go forward and face what life may bring. Treatment approaches of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and Mood regulation are a few of ways in which I can help to address your issues.

I look forward to working with you as you begin your journey of healing.