As a parent, you want to do what’s best. It would be easiest if we could treat all of our children the same, however they are each unique individuals. Treating each of them the same will not do. Any parent that has tried this approach knows this does not work well and may have ended up in a big parenting struggle.
Does your child have sensory overload? Does he or she display anxiety, irritability, and restlessness, or avoiding specific places or situations, closing their eyes, covering the face, crying, placing their hands over their ears, the inability to converse with others, or connect to them. Do they run away from specific places or situations? Even going to the school or the cafeteria can lead to sensory overload. The sounds of people talking loudly, strong smells of food, and flickering fluorescent lights can trigger feelings of being overwhelmed and uncomfortable.
Your child may be suffering from a sensory processing disorder.
Most commonly found in children with autism spectrum disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, Down syndrome, ADHD, and PTSD. However, a child with a Neurological condition such as Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH), which affects their sight, can also include the sensory processing disorder. Having OHN was the case for my child. Some children will avoid interactions with peers, have a
difficult time holding a conversation, temper tantrums, overall seem withdrawn, and like quiet places. These are all symptoms of sensory processing problems and not just bad behavior by your child.
Below I have provided some tried and true small tips to help you and your child during sensory overload.
• Help your child avoid triggering situations. This was hard for me with my own child because would become frustrated when she did not want to participate in dance classes or talk to her friend or me. She would avoid conversations and lack emotional excitement when introduced to new experiences.
• Give your child the words to explain what is happening and how it feels. When I started to ask my child how she felt, she began to use the words “scared” or “afraid.” Once I knew how she was feeling, we could start to use self-soothing techniques such a deep breathing, etc..
• Validate the child’s feelings and experiences. Let them know you will always love and care for them, and it is okay to be scared sometimes.
• Inform teachers of the possibility of sensory overload and ask for their support in finding a safe place your child could go when he or she is feeling overwhelmed so they could use coping skills to help reduce the symptoms overload. Sometimes just a new placement in a classroom can help. These children should not be in the middle of the classroom. Aim for a corner or by a wall where they will have fewer children directly around them. This little change may provide your child with significant benefits.
• Seek professional help from an individual therapist to assist with coping skills and self-soothing techniques, talk your to child’s pediatrician and ask for a referral to an occupational therapist. Occupation therapists are excellent resources that can give you exercise to help with self-soothing and self-regulation.
Remember that your child is not trying to be difficult, but if you keep in mind “nails on a chalkboard, ”this sensation is often how your child experiences simple things such as talking or moving their desk at school. There is an actual change in the structure of the brain that makes responding to some daily tasks unbearable for these children. With guidance from your child’s medical teams, your child can learn how to respond better to the stimuli of the world around him.
Our world is going through something many of us have not seen in our lifetime. For that reason, we need to focus a bit on our children. You will notice some of your children are anxious, confused, perhaps having nightmares or not wanting to go to sleep.
When very young children, 5 and under hear the news over and over again, throughout the day, they believe all this chaos is going on over and over again; they become very anxious and afraid. If you have that young of children, please have them in another room if you going to binge-watch the news.
For children 6 through 10, they also may have some of the same reactions. They might stop doing schoolwork, and not wanting to do their chores at home. They may feel guilty and helpless especially if they know someone who has gotten ill or even died. Children also understand the risk their parents are taking if they are essential workers, this can cause them to be extra stressed or worry, understandable of course.
Youth and adolescents 11-19 go through a lot of physical and emotional changes because of their developmental stage. So it may be even harder for them to cope with the anxiety associated with hearing and reading news of the outbreak. Don't forget they have lost a lot too, no promotions/graduations, no prom, no first/last season on the varsity team they worked so hard for. They are grieving those lost memories.
They may say, "I'm ok" or go into silence when they are upset. They may complain about physical aches and pains. All this, because they cannot identify what is really bothering them emotionally. They may also experience anxiety/depression - start arguments at home with siblings or parents and resist any structure or authority. And, they may try to engage in risky behaviors like drugs and alcohol.
As parents, caretakers, and guardians we want to help,
With the right support around them, children and teens can manage their stress in response to COVID-19. We want them emotionally and physically healthy. Perhaps a family "making dinner together" will help, or playing a game of scrabble might just be the right thing. Be a good listener, turn the TV off at times, and bring out the old games that might be familiar to them. They can use hugs, and non-judgemental coaxing.
Often parents on the front line need some "space, time and debriefing" as well and some ways to relax. This is normal and a healthy way to process the stress of the day. Try to maintain consistent routines, let your children know you care and love them, and address your own anxiety and stress, during this debrief.
Sheltering in place means everyone needs some personal space and time. Find a way to make that happen. Keep things in perspective to relieve your stress. Eat healthy foods, and drink lots of water. Avoid excessive amounts of caffeine and alcohol. Don't use tobacco or illegal drugs. To the best of your ability, get adequate sleep, take breaks throughout the day and add in physical exercise.
We will get through this, eventually, we will come out on the other side stronger. Kids need your help as parents to get them through the other side of this. You can do it.
Supervision does not take laser-focused intensity: nor does it take exhausting yourself with keeping them entertained. It calls for three levels of monitoring. Each of these levels is necessary; for them AND for you. In order for you to not drive each other “crazy”. Plus the child receives the full benefit of autonomy and parental interaction!
One of the hardest things to accept has been the loss of my son to a mental disorder. I remember the day 30 years ago, the day he was born planning his life. I picked out the preschool he would attend, elementary, middle, high school and college with no thought that his path was chosen and I would be the one and other family members adjusting to the changes that were going to affect all of our lives.
he looked like, rosy cheeks, blue eyes, and brown hair. The perfect child; as infant always smiling, watching observing and being content. He responded to cuddling, kisses from everyone, children and adults with smiles; as he grew the most cooperative, mellow, observant and accommodating child to everyone who came in his presence. I had no idea the changes that were waiting in his future and the devastating effects his illness would play on the family's future.
I was blindsided by his deteriorating behavior towards me and I wondered would I be able to manage the challenges that are not part of normal/regular parenting. This was an eye-opener and a glimpse of what was to come. Two years prior to the decline in his behavior; it started in middle school: skipping classes and being truant to class regularly and lastly not attending his middle school graduation.
I remember looking and searching for him the entire day only to discover he was at a classmate's house smoking marijuana. His delinquent behavior from that moment increased to almost daily defiance. I was at a loss on what to do! The next move was to seek out counseling services but to no avail.
He refused to participate and only resisted my efforts to help him. At that point, I chose to help myself and practice self-care in an effort to deal with the issues to come so I attended counseling to learn coping skills to maintain my own emotional and mental stability.
Without therapy, I don't believe I would have been able to maintain and navigate the challenges that come with parenting a mentally unwell adolescent. My story does not end here and this is only the beginning in a series of articles....
Danisha McCrary, AMFT knows first-hand how difficult it is to love someone with a chronic mental illness. She has worked with many families that were struggling with issues of substance abuse, homelessness, mental disorders and traumatic events. As a counselor, Danisha assist families to overcome the obstacles that prevent healing, teach people how to manage crisis situations, and find new healthy ways to cope in life. Danisha is fond of saying, “that we all can use a little bit of help from time to time, even me.” If you want to work with Danisha give our office a call.
I found my passion for working with children, teens and families when I was a Social Worker for Child Protective Services. These families were struggling with issues of substance abuse, homelessness, mental disorders and traumatic events. As a counselor, I desire to assist families to overcome the obstacles that prevent healing, help manage stressful life events and find new healthy directions in life.
I am fond of saying, “we all can use a little bit of help from time to time, even me.”
I believe people and families can develop the coping skills needed for healthier relationships. Nobody wants to feel sad, depressed, angry or anxious. I have seen plenty of people get better and enjoy their lives and families again. I believe in hope.
My specialty is working with people from age 5 to 80 who experience depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, feeling stuck, or just can’t find the joy in life anymore.
I have found children and families can be resilient by participating in therapy and learning the skills needed to recover and manage their life struggles. My priority is to find the best therapeutic model to assist you and your family in healing and developing a healthy relationship. Because we all deserve to feel good about ourselves and have loving and caring friends and family.
