I’ve heard this often from either spouse, “I can’t read their mind.” I agree with this statement, “your spouse does not know how to meet your needs unless you know what they are and you communicate it.”
Change Your Attachment Style, Change Your Life!
Let's Talk About It: Codependency
Many of us are quite familiar with the word codependency. We often associate it with someone who is “needy” or who relies on others to do every day life. In reality, codependency is far more than just relying on others; it is a maladaptive way of maintaining interpersonal relationships and a skewed view of self. Let’s talk about a few yellow flags of codependency in any relationship…
What Are The Green Flags?
By now most people have heard “red flags” in relationships and “ what makes a relationship toxic or unhealthy?” Well, I am now going to put another spin on it and we are going to talk about “ green flags”. You may be asking, “ what is a green flag?” A green flag is a sign that this person may very well be a decent partner for you.
Below are 10 green flags in relationships that make them strong and healthy.
1. Feeling good when being around each other is a huge green flag; when you each take pleasure in being around and sharing space with one another. Feeling happy, confident, safe, and being able to laugh together is an important part of a relationship and enjoying that person's company.
2. Being able to let your guard down and be vulnerable with that person is a green flag. When you are able to be comfortable enough with your partner that you can share unpleasant feelings or experiences, that is a green flag.
3. Getting reassurance from your partner is a deeper level of intimacy and that is a green flag. When there is a lot of communication, understanding, and listening between the two of you, you are in green flag territory.
4. Adapting to change in a healthy manner is a green flag. Relationships change and adapt over time. Relationships go through struggles but it is HOW you deal with those struggles where the green flags come in. when you can be open and discuss each others opposing opinions about things, take accountability, be respectful to one another during an argument, these are skills that have evolved your relationship into something more intimate and deeper.
5. Showing gratitude is another green flag. Having someone who is positive and appreciates the things you say. Whether it's sending them a song that makes you think of them, or simply saying thank you, is important.
6. Sharing common goals and values is a green flag. When your partner can support you on the things that are important to you, that is very important in a relationship.
7. Being able to be your true authentic self with no ridicule or judgment is an important green flag. Never underestimate the power of your partner letting you be your silly self without judging you.
8. Being challenged in a relationship is also a green flag. When you are able to be empowered by your partner or able to engage in teamwork with your partner, these are important. Encouraging each other to follow your dreams is a big green flag.
9. Being able to sacrifice for the relationship, while still remaining independent is a green flag. There may be things you will need to sacrifice to maintain the other person being kept as a priority, but keeping your independence is a good balance and a good example of keeping a healthy boundary.
10. Communication is a green flag. Being consistent with calls and texts, and being tuned in to each other when engaged in conversation is important.
It is just as important to recognize the good in relationships as it is to find the red flags. Being able to analyze these and have self-awareness is an important part of mental health.
For more ways to gain self-awareness book an appointment at CCS by calling 951-778-0230
Signs of an Abusive Relationship- Take the quiz!
You may be thinking “ how does someone not know they are in an abusive relationship?” well the answer at times is not always clear due to the manipulation and gaslighting that can come along with it. I will give some signs that you are in an abusive relationship while describing what types of abuse there are.
Emotional Abuse- There will be some attacks on their partner's self-worth, name-calling and belittling, and humiliation. There may be some accusations for example of cheating or various behavior that are unjust. The abuser will then rationalize their behavior by saying “ relax, it was just a joke.” Or “ you make
me act this way.” Another thing that can happen is in public everything is all smiles and in private, the abuser turns on his partner in these negative and abusive ways leaving the victim feeling confused, worthless, and hurt. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and what this is, is a way to make you feel “crazy.” If
there is something to be true about the abuser and you confront them, they will do whatever it takes to make you feel like you imagined the whole thing and make you question yourself. It will turn you against your own logic, even if the truth is right there in your face and in some circumstances even make your abuser look like “ the good guy.”
Physical Abuse- This will be instances of hitting, kicking, biting, pushing/shoving, throwing objects at them, or harming with a weapon. Using any type of restraints classifies as abuse.
Sexual Abuse- This one is common, yet not talked about often and this looks like where the abuser will force sexual contact ( not just intercourse) on their partner. Treating your partner like a sexual object is also abusive. Using sex to get what you want and assign value and importance to your partner is abusive. Withholding sex and affection as a form of punishment is a way to be abusive as well.
Threats and Intimidation- An abuser might threaten their partner by giving a threatening look or gesture, with the point being they want to instill fear. They might track your every move. They could threaten to destroy your property or harm something or someone they love. This instills fear, anxiety, and panic in their partner.
Isolation- The abuser will isolate their partner from their friends and family. They might do this by limiting or even cutting off all contact from others. They may physically do this, but it is often done by intimation and mind games. They will chip away at their partner's self-esteem so that they are the only person in their partner's world, which is abusive.
Economic Abuse- What this looks like is withholding money from your partner and not letting them get their own job or their own money so that they can be financially dependent on their abuser.
Using Children As Pawns- What this looks like is threatening custody of the children in order to get what the abuser wants. It can also look like criticizing their partner's parenting skills and telling their children lies about the other parent.
Think you could be in an abusive relationship?
Take the Quiz
How Can I Keep A Strong Bond With My Partner While In Quarantine?
The B Word, How It Can Help Us
Let’s talk about the B word….that’s right Boundaries!
Boundaries are a very important part of dating and yet, they get a bad rap for being a bad thing. First of all, we want to determine why we need boundaries. Let’s take a look at an example of a coloring page. There are lines around the picture so we know where to color and we know not to color outside of the lines; this is concept we learn at a very early age. It is the same for when we decide to be part of a couple. We have all seen the new couple that dress alike seem to fold into a single person. We need to keep in mind where we want our partners to end and us begin. We want to set limits for ourselves as individuals. Being in a couple relationship should make each person better, pushing each to become their very best. Not to lose your own personal identity. If you’re unsure what your personal boundaries are, it’s going to be hard for others to follow them.
In healthy relationships, partners discuss their feelings with one another, show mutual respect, show gratitude and take each other’s feelings into consideration about any topic. Being in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to lose your family, friend or children just to be with that other person.
Boundaries are set to keep us safe. A healthy boundary is being responsible for your own happiness. A healthy boundary is having friendships outside of the relationship. Sometimes, boundaries also shift and change as a relationship progresses, which is okay as long as you both agree to discuss the shift honestly and you both feel good about the changes.
Poor boundaries disconnect you from your partner, and one partner often times may feel there are being manipulated by the other person to get them to do what their partner wants. A partner that is using manipulation may say things like “If you don’t do this then I won’t do that.” Or they may stop talking to you and give you the silent treatment. Other times they may withdraw emotional affection or disengage until they get what they want. It is not healthy to have your partner guessing how you are feeling or demanding that you feel a certain way. An unhealthy boundary is the feeling of being incomplete without your partner. An unhealthy boundary is relying on your partner for happiness. In unhealthy relationships, a couple might feel that their partners must think like them, that they should just adjust because after all “we are the same and that means we must also think alike too.”
How to set healthy boundaries you ask?
Be clear as to what your needs are. If your needs change then speak up. Something may be okay for a week or month but not longer. When you realize what your needs are not being met, be clear when telling your partner. A lot of issues from boundary setting comes from misunderstanding.
Use “I” statements. Using I statements clearly defines how you feel and what behaviors you expected to see in your partner. When appropriate, take responsibility for your part of the misunderstanding. Do not only judge or lay blame on your partner. Most of the time, both partners have some responsibility. It is also your responsibility to help correct the situation and communicate your feelings in a non-defensive way. It’s always good to remember that you do love each other, flaws and all.
Listen to what your partner is trying to tell you and summarize how they feel. For example, if your partner is upset, you didn’t do the dishes and it is your job to do them, it is okay to say you are sorry and you will try better. You might say, “I hear you are upset that the dishes are not done because that makes starting dinner harder for you. I will try harder to get the dishes done before you cook dinner.”
Being polite is always in style and will go a long way in building a better relationship.
Ask for clarification, “Did you mean to sound angry when you asked me to pick-up my shoes?” This allows your partner to clarify the intent behind the words. Sometimes we say something and our partner misses our intent. Always ask and allow your partner to clarify, never assume.
Do not set your partner up by saying or thinking something like “Well, if her really loves me, he would just know.” Even the best partners aren’t mind readers. If you want a specific item or behavior, ask.
If you and your partner are having more than your share of arguments or you feel hurt or misunderstood, it might be time for some professional help. Call me and let’s work together to get your most important relationship back on track.
By Courtney Whetstone, LMFT
Courtney Whetstone, LMFT works with couples and individuals to fix their relationships and remember why they became a couple in the first place.
Courtney works out of our Murrieta office and she has helped many couple restore their loving relationships.
To contact Courtney or any of our therapists please call 951-778-0230.
How Do Couples Gain Trust When Trust Has Been Broken? And what do therapists do with such a couple……….?
There first needs to be goodwill, and a willingness to want to gain trust on both sides of the aisle. What is goodwill? Goodwill has been defined as friendly, helpful, or cooperative feelings or attitudes towards another. Can you tell if you have goodwill towards your spouse?
It can be defined by these three questions.
1. Do you still care about the welfare of your mate or partner?
2. Do you still care, even if you’re no longer in love with someone?
3. Do you want the best for your mate, even if this relationship is over?
The answers to those questions will help you decide if you have goodwill for your partner and if you can jointly start to repair your relationship. If goodwill is present, honesty and truth will be part of your discussion.
This type of communication between partners where both parties are honest and transparent is absolutely necessary. For example, acknowledging the story that brought them to this place, telling the truth and taking responsibility for your own part in this situation.
Why do some people cheat? Or hide their secret lives? Let’s us count the many ways: grief, excitement, boredom, change of life issues, validation you are still sexy or handsome. There is also often a tiny cracks in the relationship where the partners stop listening and responding to each other in positive and caring ways. That is not to say the person that had the person who had the affair is blameless. In fact, just the opposite, they shoulder that blame alone. But their partner also played some role in creating the rift between them.
Here is a typical scenario: “David (not a real person) wanted another life beyond what he had, so the waitress at the local diner was cute, perky, and always had a smile on her face. It started with a wink, leaving a big tip after his meal, chit-chat about the weather, politics, and, the next thing he knew they were at the local motel until the wee hours of the morning. The waitress’s mother took care of her kids, (a second job), and he told his wife he needed to work late on that big project that he had told her about several days ago. Things progressed for a few weeks, and then the 16-year-old son was taking his driving test, and he turned the corner and there was the waitress and his dad in a big hug outside the motel.
Now the son is perplexed, and he has questions, does he tell his mom? Does he honk their car to say hi? Does he text his girlfriend to ask for support? “So now, not only is the man, David and the woman involved, so is David’s teenage son. This type of family situation is often called Triangulation. Triangulation occurs when a 3rd party, in this case the son, is pulled into a conflict or stressful situation. This type of behavior can easily break up a family, cause mistrust, and having a family secret like this can cause depression and anxiety.
Can this family be saved?
Is their goodwill between the man and his wife? Both parties are able to openly and honesty talk about the why of the affair, the boredom in the relationship, the lack of feeling good about one’s self and the decision that lead to the straying. Then this couple has hope. Many couples can’t handle this frank discussion without becoming overly emotional or angry and they need to enlist the services of a trained therapists. Sometimes we can’t see our part in the conflict especially if that person is not the one who cheated. Therapy can help sort out truthful communication, acknowledge the hurt, shame and guilt.
If there is not the basic relationship of goodwill, lasting change in the therapy room will not happen. The breakdown in the relationship happened even further when the wife says, “that’s it, I’ve suspected your cheating for years! Pack up, get your bags, you’re out of here, NOW!”
LGBTQI population is not immune to cheating or having a secret life.
One partner, “Gale” (not a real person) was middle aged and felt she was no longer “cute, perky, and outgoing”. She was married to her wife for 20 years. She was young, looked up to her, flirty, and willing. They had a fling for a few months and ended it. Gale wanted to tell her wife, she felt guilty and ashamed. One night she told her wife Linda about the “fling.” Linda wanted to hear nothing of it and she had “nothing to understand.” Linda’s way to cope was to “Forget about all this and move on.” Gale on the other hand wanted to go to therapy to understand what had happened to her during their 20 years of marriage. She wanted to understand how this young woman was so easy to have a fling with. Linda wanted to forget, “what was done was done.”
Statistics say in general, more men are more likely to cheat than women. Of those reported cheating behaviors, 21% of men and 13% of women (in a General Social Survey, 2016) reported cheating on their spouse, wife, husband, or engaged friend.
Debbie had a secret life which started in teen years. No one knew, and she kept it well hidden, until her husband went into her closet and found the box of memorabilia. He confronted her, and the cat was out of the bag. Now he feels he can’t trust her.
How to regain trust and create good will between the partners?
First, feelings are natural. Stress reactions like shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are all normal. You might feel as if you’re on an emotional roller coaster.
Good self-care is a must, and Revenge is not the answer. There must be a prior history of goodwill and the parties must be willing to move past the behaviors and start to rebuild.
Conversation about boundaries must occur and the 3rd person must be ejected from the couple. If that 3rd person makes, contact immediately that must be shared with the partner and together the couple decide how to respond.
The couple must also agree after a while to move on and to stop punishing each other years later. I know a couple once that talked about the affair like it was yesterday, but it was twenty-five years ago. Trust needs to be reestablished slowly and steadily.
The person that had the affair must also make a written apology that includes they understand the feelings, betrayal and trust that was lost when they choose to stray. Honesty and openness must be part of the apology.
Lastly, consider a good family therapist or Couples’ therapist to assist both partners in this fact finding, sharing, and loving adventure to wholeness. Therapists are trained and experienced in helping couples understand betrayal of trust and honesty. Therapists often uncover a past breach of trust that is still lingering in the marriage today. Therapists are also trained to look at other symptoms that can have a negative effect on the marriage.
If you have experienced an affair and need assistance to rebuild your relationship, we are here to help.
My passion is working with children, teens, adults and couples, who want to build meaning in their lives. Building trust, intimacy, and companionship are most important to me as a therapist.
My relationship in counseling began about 35 years ago in working with families in church settings,in schools, and addiction treatment centers.. I became licensed in 1995, and have found this is the profession I thrive in, and wish for my clients the richness and relationships they are seeking from therapy.
I have also worked in,psychiatric hospitals, and children's centers, and believe my career has been embellished through each and every client I have had the privilege of working with.
I also enjoy being a Clinical Supervisor, and have had the honor of mentoring over 495 Interns/Associates since 1997. I received my Master's Degree from Phillips Graduate Institute, I am a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) and enjoy the membership of three local chapters of CAMFT.
I look forward to working with you in the future at CCS.
Parent Café: Self-Care
Hi, I am back with more helpful tips and hints, this time for the care providers. We, as parents, are constantly reminded that our children/child comes first. That is partially correct as parents; we must remember that our children will need us at peak performance most of the time. Depending on their age group as to how much direct supervision and energy will be needed. Albeit it’s hard to find personal time to refuel our energy. We know that spending time with our children helps them to socialize and learn the values of the family as well as community standards. We will not be able to carry out parental duties in an effective manner without self-care.
What is self-care?
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Though the question seems relatively simple of just how does a parent juggle all the tasks to do self-care? Self-care often gets overlooked or dismissed to a later date, often a date that never happens. Self-care is important for reducing anxiety as well as improving one’s mood. It is necessary for all people but especially for parents.
What isn’t self-care?
Self-care is not a forced act or something we don’t enjoy doing. A scholar once explained self-care is “something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.” https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/
Below are a few helpful self-care tips:
One of the main keys to not becoming overwhelmed by the steps in the process of developing a doable self-care plan. Keep it simple.
Developing a self-care plan that can help enhance one’s health, well-being and manage one’s stress.
Identify activities and practices that support your well-being as will assist you in sustaining a positive long-term self-care plan. Improving and increasing your life.
Another crucial factor is that a self-care plan is personal to you. Everyone’s approach will differ and should relate to the needs of you.
Self-care plans are useful for workplace/professional well-being, physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, and relationships. Activities should be tailored to and meaningful to one’s self and intended goals.
Physical self-care should include a regular sleep routine, healthy diet, walk, and exercise.
Psychological self-care consists of reflective journaling, hobby, time away from emails and social media, relaxation, positive interaction with family and friends.
Emotional self-care encompasses developing supportive friendships, write three good things that you did each day, play your favorite sport, and talk with friends about how you are coping with life demands.
Spiritual self-care involves reflective meditation, walks, visit your church/mosque/temple, yoga, reflect with a close friend, download the 1 Giant Mind app, and learn mindfulness techniques and its benefits.
Once the plan has been drafted, keep it in a visible location, stick to your plan-practice regularly, and re-assess how you are doing and if it needs adjustments.
Once you create your plan, do a cursory check for any barrier that might hinder you from moving forward. Also, what can you do to remove these barriers? If they cannot be removed, then one might adjust their self-care strategies.
Finally, relationship self-care involves making close relationships, e.g., partners, family, and children a priority attend dedicated events with family and friends, arrive to work, and leave on time every day.
Access the links below, to download and chart your self-care plan, it is really easy to do.
https://schools.au.reachout.com/articles/developing-a-self-care-plan
http://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/developing-your-self-care-plan.html
Another method of self-care that I want to reintroduce are the benefits associated with mindfulness techniques/exercises. Let’s start with what mindfulness is: The term mindfulness refers to a psychological state of awareness, the practices that promote this awareness, a mode of processing information, and a character trait. To be in step with up-to-date research, mindfulness means also “a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment” This definition can be found by clicking here.
Mindfulness-based skills can help both adults and children to cultivate emotion regulation, decreased reactivity, and increased response flexibility, and intrapersonal benefits.
The 5 most common benefits of mindfulness are:
✔ Decreased Stress
✔ Decreased Depressive Symptoms
✔ Increases Self-Compassion
✔ Improved General Health
✔ Increases Positivity in Mental Health Outcomes
Deep Breathing (Mindfulness Exercise) promotes:
Breathing for Enlightenment-develops deep insight
Breathing for Relaxation-helps quieten and clear the mind
Breathing to Let Go of Negativity
Breathing for Inner Peace
Breathing to Learn about Your Body
Breathing to Connect Mind and Body
Source: https://eocinstitute.org/meditation/meditation-and-breathing-benefits-of-mindful-breathing/
Incorporating mindfulness exercises into one’s self-care plan is an added benefit, a benefit that brings positive returns. As this will, i.e., practicing mindfulness will engender a whole-body healing, relaxation, and a peaceful mind and spirit. Therefore, one will likely return to the task at hand with an increase in their self-care toolbox, an arsenal of ways to bringing calm, peace, relaxation, and clearer thinking.
By Valerie Fluker, MA, APCC
All people come to counseling to relieve pain and suffering. They feel they have little to no hope left. What they have been doing isn’t working anymore or maybe never did. They feel out of control, scared, and do not know where to turn. Or they may need education in the form of Parenting or Co-parenting classes. Or some just need to work on relationship issues or manage anxiety. Regardless of what brought you to this website I can help. I am caring, understanding and I want you to feel better. I see great things happening for most people within a few sessions. These clients start to feel happy, gain more confident and report they are satisfied with their life. While I cannot guarantee you the same results, I have seen positive results with most clients.
I became a counselor because I wanted to harness great hope and positive energy and to help install healing for my clients. I consider working with people in therapy an honor and privilege to work with each client. In therapy, each person develops their positive mental wellness plan and great growth often takes place.
I discovered my passion for counseling teens while volunteering for Riverside Youth Probation. I enjoyed seeing these teens learn and grow as they figure out who they will become. I also work with caregivers of dementia clients and I see the struggle to care for their loved one. I frequently work with people that suffer from depression, anxiety and trauma. I have specialized training in trauma, working with children and elder adults.
I am a member of the following professional organizations:
Purple City Alliance helps make The City of Riverside a Dementia Friendly City.
American Counseling Association (ACA).
I look forward to meeting and working with you.
Active Parenting
This blog will focus our attention on active parenting tips for our children to increase their confidence and responsibility. What is active parenting? First and foremost, active parenting help impart to our children values that help create high functioning children and great adults. Active parenting involves instilling:
1. Courage
2. Self-esteem
3. Responsibility
4. Cooperation
These are just a few of the skills necessary for children to learn survival and life skills. When thinking about active parenting, a proactive approach works best. In other words, do not wait until the child does something wrong. Instead, instill values and morals that will serve as your child’s foundation-a building block for growth. Many parents believe instilling values, morals, and socialization is the purpose of active parenting. Find your child doing good and encourage your child by telling them how grateful you are that they did this (___________________) Something like I appriacate it when you help me put the dishes away or when you make you bed or when you are nice to your little sister. Find a way to let your child know that you care and are watching. Ask your child what do they like best about their drawing or their art project. These are just some of the ways to actively parent.
Let us take a quick look at the four basic blocks.
Courage-when instilled as a foundation; children have the strength they will need to try and try again. This build resilience a great tool for life.
Self-esteem-that is to possess a positive image of self.
Responsibility-a child is more than capable of making decisions as well as accept responsibility for that decision.
Cooperation-parents encourage children to work together as well as with others for a positive end. Cooperation is also an essential element needed to facilitate teamwork efforts.
The four basic blocks are important for every child to learn. As a parent; we will not be able to be there for everything our child does. Having our children to use decision-making, along with the courage to stick with his/her decision, is crucial. Another important part of active parenting that revolves around protecting and preparing children to be equipped to survive and thrive in society. Important to that end is for children to feel good about themselves and their decisions and act them out with confidence in everyday life.
For more information on Active Parenting click here
Most parents can agree that is parenting is a full-time job, with no instruction manual. Most parents are unaware of the pivotal role they play in shaping the people their children will eventually become. Parents become teachers, role models, protector and confidante, and many hats, all to get their child/children to a safe place in life.
Unfortunately, parents are tasked with the job of telling your child a hundred or so times the same set of directives. This is needed to help your child’s brain fully understand and be retained in their memory. Essential to effect communicative is a relationship with your child is a vital component in developing a healthy relationship between the parent(s) and children.
Learning how to develop effective communication with your child engenders a stable and loving home life (which helps keeps parents sane). Noting day-to-day activities, e.g., homework, meals, and bedtimes flow more smoothly. Effective communication may also improve your child’ long-term health and development. Studies indicate that children who don’t feel or believe they have a good relationship with their parents are more likely to have low self-esteem, difficulties in school and emotional problems, and are a greater risk for using drugs and experimenting with risky sexual behavior [source: Mental Health America].
Building a strong relationship with your child/children
1. Be consistent with children.
a. Hour to hour, day to day, and week to week, in short, every waking moment remain consistent with rules and discipline
b. Parents must practice the following rules as well, or our children will not either
c. Focus on one key behavior (or misbehavior) that needs addressing
d. The behavior should reflect a reward or disciplinary action [source: Family Education]
2. Stay positive-remain calm, do not yell. Always reward your child for their good behavior.
a. The only way to reverse negative behaviors is to make rules that you can keep and enforce.
3. Be Patient-Even though one may desire quick results; people don’t change overnight.
a. It took time for your children to master their misbehavior; it will take equal time to change them.
4. Expect resistance-Never fear your children are going to test you, especially if you tried enforcing the rule with them before, but failed to follow through.
a. Change can be challenging, and your children are not likely to embrace your new rules. Nevertheless, do not give in or up parents you are likely to win.
5. Stick with it-In order for change to stay long term; consistency is the key
a. Consistency will show your children the behaviors and values that are important to you and in turn, teach them self-discipline [source: Family Education].
A barrier to active parenting: when both parents must work and some parents must work two jobs for family upkeep. Important to families wherein both parents must work is to choose quality over quantity. That means, it is not how much time is spent, but the purposeful meaning embodied in that brief time.
To this end, I am posting a summary of children’s rights as set forth by The UN Convention on the rights of the Child/ UNICEF for every child they list about 42; however, I will only list a few https://www.unicef.org.nz/child-rights
1. Be Recognized
2. Adequate care
3. Parental guidance
4. Life
5. Live with their parents
6. Freedom of expression
7. Freedom of thought
8. Freedom from abuse
9. An education
10. Personal development, survival, and protection
By Valerie Fluker, MA, APCC
All people come to counseling to relieve pain and suffering. They feel they have little to no hope left. What they have been doing isn’t working anymore or maybe never did. They feel out of control, scared, and do not know where to turn. Or they may need education in the form of Parenting or Co-parenting classes. Or some just need to work on relationship issues or manage anxiety. Regardless of what brought you to this website I can help. I am caring, understanding and I want you to feel better. I see great things happening for most people within a few sessions. These clients start to feel happy, gain more confident and report they are satisfied with their life. While I cannot guarantee you the same results, I have seen positive results with most clients.
I became a counselor because I wanted to harness great hope and positive energy and to help install healing for my clients. I consider working with people in therapy an honor and privilege to work with each client. In therapy, each person develops their positive mental wellness plan and great growth often takes place.
I discovered my passion for counseling teens while volunteering for Riverside Youth Probation. I enjoyed seeing these teens learn and grow as they figure out who they will become. I also work with caregivers of dementia clients and I see the struggle to care for their loved one. I frequently work with people that suffer from depression, anxiety and trauma. I have specialized training in trauma, working with children and elder adults.
I am a member of the following professional organizations:
Purple City Alliance helps make The City of Riverside a Dementia Friendly City.
American Counseling Association (ACA).
I look forward to meeting and working with you.
Marriages Like Fine Wines Take Time
Relationships are like fine wines; the taste and consistency will not happen overnight. However, the steadiness, texture, and palatable is borne out of care, understanding, patience, and desire. In my couples, therapy work…I find the “crystal ball” effect being quite prevalent, in fact, it’s so prevalent that when mentioned individuals appear bewildered.