Managing Anxiety During the Holiday

For some, the holidays bring good will and happy times spent with family.  There is the joy of decorating and reconnecting with loved ones away from the usual structure of work or school life.  For others, holidays are the culmination of everyday stress with the addition of planning holiday dinners and parties, managing holiday spending, and spending time with family, which can sometimes come with complicated relationships or even recent or not so recent losses.  It is no wonder that many struggle with anxiety during the holiday season.  

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Do you find that anxiety or even seasonal depression starts to rear its ugly head sometime in late October to mid-November?

If you do, you are not alone! 

Between late November and the New Year, we enter the season, which includes Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Eve to name a few.

Anxiety is one of the most frequently diagnosed mental health concerns for people throughout the world.

If you already struggle with anxiety, the holidays can often add to your everyday triggers for anxiety, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and depleted. The holiday season often brings memories of special people who are no longer with us or past traumas.  It is for this reason; we will want to take extra special care of ourselves during this time of year.

Anxiety can be felt in our body in many ways.  Some people experience headaches, dizziness stomachaches, nausea, increased heart rate (pounding in the chest), pressure/pain in the chest, crying spells, shutting down, zoning out, feeling more lethargic, and difficulty concentrating to name a few.  When you notice your body feeling like things are spinning out of control, it is important to remember that your nervous system is responding to those anxiety triggers in three possible ways: fight, flight, and freeze.

If the holidays are leaving you feeling panicked, worried, stressed, and physically uncomfortable in your body, you may be experiencing an activation of your nervous system called hyperarousal or fight/flight. Below is a list of things you can do to help you when you feel this way:

• Name it-identify what is making you feel anxious

• Bake or cook 

• Dim the lights

• Take a screen break for 60 minutes or more

• Take slow, deep breaths for counts of four, in through the nose for four seconds, pause for four seconds, and loud exhales for four seconds. Take a normal resting breath in between the long breaths. Do that for a cycle of four.  If you need more, do another cycle of four

• Listen to calm, mellow music

• Try some gentle yoga, (all available via google search, if needed), such as child’s pose, forward fold, or legs at the wall. Pair your breath work with the yoga for best results

• Play with a fidget toy or stress ball

• Use a weighted blanket

• Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower

• Talk to a safe person

• Enjoy cooling scents such as lavender or vanilla

• Close your eyes and be still

• Pray or meditate

If you find you are in shutdown mode, which is “freeze” in terms of your nervous system, you might feel like you are zoned out, lethargic, or having some seasonal depression the following coping strategies may help:

• Name it-Identify you are in shutdown or freeze mode

• Use citrus, peppermint, or a scent you have an emotional connection to

• Take a walk, dance, or find a way to increase your heart rate

• Turn the lights on

• Eat some food

• Listen to some powerful or uplifting music

• Identify sensations in your body

• Press your feet into the ground

• Tap into a passion

• Gargle

• Dance, shake your body, jump

• Tap your chest, legs, arms, and face

• Use your senses with grounding (Breathe into your chest, your arms, your hands, your legs, your feet)

• Reach out to a loved one

If you notice that your anxiety and possibly, depression are not responding to the coping skills listed above, please take the time to share with a trusted therapist or your physician for additional help, exploration of additional coping skills, and if needed, medical support. 

Wishing you wellness from Central Counseling as we move into this holiday season!

~ Colleen Duggin, LCSW

I enjoy partnering with you as begin taking steps toward healing and feeling better. I understand that making the choice to see a therapist may be difficult for you and my goal is to provide a safe and comforting environment for you to work through problems in your life.

Tips on Dealing with Separation Anxiety

As I walk up the stairs my son is twisting and shouting from downstairs. He’s crying like he is in physical pain! But it’s nothing serious, he just wants me to stay downstairs with him. When I go to the restroom, he’s banging on the door demanding to be let in. Oh and most recently, he throws himself on the floor demanding for me to go outside and play with him. I don’t have time, but he refuses to go without me. He wants access to me EVERY MOMENT of the day!

Does this sound familiar?

Your kids

pets

partners

or even yourself?

This is separation anxiety. 

A normal behavior that is traditionally seen in early years for children but can become a problem if the person can’t learn to sooth themselves and regulate their emotions until they are reunited with their caregiver. For most of us, this is an early childhood experience and it ends there, but nationally anxiety rates have increased as a result of covid 19 fears and large populations working from home. 

Signs that someone is struggling with separation anxiety:

• Seeking their comforting object/person, especially when preparing to be left alone

• Crying when the caregiver is out of sight

• Nightmares or refusing to fall asleep without their caregiver present

• Finding reasons that they cannot be left alone (stomachache, hungry, restroom change, etc.) 

• Showing signs that they worry about being alone or being in danger

• Clinging to their caregiver when they return

How do you deal with separation anxiety?

• Do not, I repeat, Do NOT sneak away when your child is not looking. This may seem like the easier way to leave your household, but it reinforces to your child that if they are not alert scary things will happen. They need to mentally prepare for being alone, not feel panicked when they realize they are alone. 

• Be compassionate (towards them and yourself)

• They need to feel safe in their environment, which means predictable and stable

• Manage your own feelings about your loved one crying or possible feelings of guilt. These feelings are normal, and you can normalize for your child that we are all struggling to adjust

• Gradually expose them to time away from you. Start with small trips to boost their confidence

• Find ways to show your loved one that when they aren’t with you that you still think about them 

• Create a transitional object (A security blanket, favorite stuffed animal, etc.) Something to provide comfort while you’re away

For more information see Separation anxiety disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic.

Book an appointment at CCS by calling 951-778-0230

-Vanessa

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Vanessa has been a therapist for nearly 10 years. She provides individual, family, and couples counseling services to people of all ages in both English and Spanish. She periodically runs parenting groups and completes psychological evaluations for immigration cases. In her off time, she enjoys spending time with her family, travelling, tasting new foods, and completing various arts and crafts projects. Provides Services Tuesday-Friday from 9:00am-6pm.