Anger Management is More than Managing Anger

Do you have anger issues? Take a look at this list of myths and decide for yourself. You can make a change with a professional trained in Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence. 

Myth 1: Anger is a primary feeling. 

Mental health professional, George Anderson, MSW, MCSW, CAMF, Certified EQ-i Examiner, states that “Anger is a secondary emotion. Some other feelings always come before anger. Frequently, anger is preceded by stress, anxiety, depression, burnout or fatigue. If the primary feeling can be identified, strategies for managing anger and enhancing self-awareness, social awareness, self-control, empathy and relationship management can be used.” 

Myth 2: I don’t have anger issues; I can control it. 

There is a cost to avoiding our feelings. Everyone has days that are frustrating and situations that may anger us; no one is exempt from strong feelings. Maybe you have the kind of temperament that does not lash out, yell or hit things but chances are the anger is impacting you in other ways. 

Are you having trouble sleeping? Has your eating been out of control or non-existent? Maybe you have lost interest in things that you usually enjoy. All of these behaviors are symptoms of feelings that you are keeping hidden and anger may be one of them. Even though it feels like you are in control, your feelings are controlling you through residual behaviors that may be destructive or harmful to you. 

Myth 3: I feel what I feel and I cannot change. 

It is true that you are allowed to feel what you feel. And it is also true that you may choose not to change but everyone has the capacity for change. If you are having angry outburst that you feel are out of control or impacting your life on a daily basis it may mean that there are underlying feelings that you need to address and it is possible for your behavior to change. 

You can address anger issues through awareness of feelings and thoughts and then changing the behavior. Use a professional that is going to help you develop communication skills, understand anger and learn to be in control. A skilled professional can also raise your emotional intelligence and provide skills for stress management, which also rolls into improvements in relationship management.

You see, Anger Management is more than managing anger - it’s a set of skills that you can master, with the right professional. 

The Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence program we lead is “designed to help individuals recognize and manage anger and stress.” One primary goal is to teach acceptable behaviors and ways to express anger through gaining an understanding of ourselves. Attendees will be taught exercises to try at home and also practice within a safe group atmosphere. The program also includes skill enhancement exercises from the BarOn EQ-i Emotional Intelligence coaching program. 

If you want to learn more about anger management contact us at Central Counseling Services and get signed up with one of our professionally run groups. 

Resources

https://andersonservices.com/- Mental health professional trainers on Anger Management https://www.aaamp.org/ - The American Association of Anger Management Providers Do I have anger issues? (https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-issues) https://www.hpsys.com/EI_BarOnEQ-I.htm- BarOn EQ-i Emotional Intelligence

Amanda Wilbur, ACSW

I provide counseling to individuals (adults and children) and couples. I’ve treated a wide range of challenges, mental health matters, adjustments to life’s hurts, and trauma.

Common trauma symptoms: panic attacks, chronic pain, rage, substance abuse, numbing, depression, nightmares, anxiety, and/or hopelessness.

When my loved one struggled with mental illness I received training and experience with leading classes for National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family programs and peer support groups. I am certified as an Anger Management Facilitator and SMART Recovery. Besides a Loma Linda University Master's degree, I have specialized training in Postpartum Support International’s Perinatal Mood Disorders Component of Care and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CF CBT).

I love how the brain works (neuroscience), and how we are impacted through the body (somatic experiencing). I understand how lack of emotional control (dysregulation) can impact us and how attachment disorders affect our relationships. Traumatic events, past experiences, and unresolved issues can disrupt our daily living. An understanding of our body and brain physiology can help. When combined, psychotherapy and body-based or somatic therapy can promote wellness and resilience.

As a therapist, it is important to know how these symptoms work so that we can show compassion and use skills to help clients manage their stress and physical dysregulation. In this way, instead of a major eruption, clients can learn to have little system shocks in their body that are manageable and keep the build-up from happening. A trauma resiliency approach can return the natural rhythm of the nervous system to a resilient place and improve the integration of the brain and the body to a place of whole wellness.

My goal as a therapist is to provide a safe space where each person feels supported, encouraged, and also challenged to grow and build the life they want yet also feel equipped when challenges come up – because they will. They just do.

World Alzheimer’s Day

Every year September 21st is World Alzheimer’s Day around the world. This international campaign is aimed to raise awareness and challenge common stigma that surrounds Alzheimer related dementia.

Many people still wrongly believe that dementia is normal aging, which is why it is important to provide more awareness and knowledge.

There are at least 8 different types of dementia, not to mention there are mixed combinations as well. Some of the most common ones are: Alzheimer’s Disease, Vascular Dementia, Dementia with Lewy Bodies, Parkinson’s Disease Dementia, Frontotemporal Dementia, Huntington’s Disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, and Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus.

Symptoms vary by type, but 10 of the most common warning signs are:

- Memory loss

- Difficulty performing familiar tasks

- Problems with language

- Disorientation regarding time and place

- Poor or decreased judgment

- Problems keeping track of things

- Misplacing things

- Changes in mood and behavior

- Challenges understanding visual and spatial information

- Withdrawal from work or social activities

When these signs are new and affecting your daily life or the life of someone you know, you should talk to your doctor or seek out more information. Having an examination can exclude other treatable conditions (ex. Thyroid problems, urinary tract infection, depression). If the diagnosis is dementia, then it will give you the opportunity to obtain more information, resources, and support for yourself and those close to you.

When dementia affects someone close to you like a partner or parent, it can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and grief.

My colleague Jill Johson-Young and myself are hosting a free virtual support group every third Saturday of the month to support and provide resources for the caregivers.

Some of the tips we share in there are:

- Never argue with the person who has dementia. Instead, agree. Remember it’s the

disease, not the person.

- Never reason. Instead divert.

- Never shame, instead distract.

- Never lecture, instead reassure.

- Never say “remember”, instead reminisce.

- Never say “I told you”, instead repeat.

- Never say “You can’t”, instead say what they can do.

- Never demand, instead ask.

- Never condescend, instead encourage.

- Never force, instead reinforce.

You can also find some more resources on our facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/Riversidedementiasupport

If you or a loved one would like more information and/or support. I encourage you to reach out to me or our office Central Counseling Services (951) 778-0230. We have counselors available 6 days a week in two locations: Riverside and Murrieta.

Ilse Aerts, M.S., LMFT#96211, LPCC#6135

Memorial Day is More Than Just Another Weekend

As members of the workforce, we often find it exciting to have a 3-day weekend to spend with the family, with friends, or doing some of our favorite activities. One of those weekends happens to be Memorial Day Weekend. However, it’s important to remember the commemoration of Memorial Day - that it’s more than just a weekend, it’s to honor those who have died in military services.

Memorial Day, which is celebrated on the last Monday in the month of May, serves to honor those who died in military service to the nation. According to the United Service Organizations, this holiday’s roots trace back to post-Civil war era, when citizens would informally place spring flower memorials on the graves of fallen soldiers. By the late 1960’s, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act to establish Memorial Day as a calendar day, and by the 1970’s it had officially transformed into a legal 3-day holiday weekend.

It’s important to acknowledge that the families who have had to endure the loss of their loved one and beloved service member a day of remembrance. The loss of a loved one never truly leaves their loved ones. Rather, the families and friends of these fallen service members have had to endure their loss, grow around their grief, and continue on. 

Memorial Day is more than just a 3-day weekend filled with activities, discounted sales, and the kickoff for the summer. It is a day of collective remembrance for those who have died in military service and the grief that their loved ones experience.

Cecilia Fabe, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable. 

Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

Let's talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD) and relationships. The first thing we want to do is recognize the traits of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD tend to have an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned. Regardless of whether such abandonment is real or imagined, the individual may take extreme measures to avoid possible separation or rejection. These measures can include threatening self-harm, starting fights and arguments, and engaging in jealous behaviors. Unfortunately, these behaviors can cause an adverse reaction and cause the other partner to withdraw, which is the one thing that the person with a borderline personality disorder is trying to prevent.

BPD tends to make maintaining healthy relationships very challenging. A person with BPD tends to have a very black and white way of thinking about people, seeing them as all good or all bad. This causes frequently shifting attitudes towards others that range from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation). What this can look like  "I love you " now" I hate you" behavior.

People with BPD also struggle with identity disturbances. Their ability to be independent and autonomous is significantly impaired. They may also have constantly shifting ideas of who they are or what they want in life, including changing partners often, which can further uphold their unstable view of relationships.

Impulsive, risky, and often self-destructive behaviors are also common for those with BPD. This can include actually ending a healthy relationship. 

Suicidal thoughts and behavior are not uncommon for those who struggle with BPD. This suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal threats, or carrying out a suicide attempt.

Another common symptom of BPD is emotional volatility, with intense mood swings ranging from extreme happiness to despair the next. They have a lot of trouble regulating their emotions. While these mood swings tend to pass fairly quickly, typically lasting only a few minutes or hours, they can also persist for several days in some cases. Behaviors associated with this can include starting arguments with your partner. These behaviors are very trying for the partner, and the partner is often left with little direction on how to fix it.

Those with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty feeling empathy for others. Studies have shown that those with BPD often have reduced activity in the brain regions that support empathy, leading to difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships. This reduced activity means that those with BPD have difficulty understanding and predicting how others may feel in certain situations. Thus making the partner feel misunderstood and feeling alone.

 BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health conditions. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that affects adults in the United States alone. Those who develop BPD tend to begin exhibiting signs by early adulthood.

Let's talk about how one "gets" borderline personality disorder.

 Genetics might make you more vulnerable to developing BPD, but often it's due to stressful or traumatic life experiences that these vulnerabilities are triggered and become a problem. Either natural or fear of abandonment in childhood or adolescence, a disrupted family life, or poor communication in the family. Another factor contributing to BPD is sexual, physical, or emotional abuse from childhood. 

There is evidence that those diagnosed with BPD are more likely to have had a history of abuse or other distressing experiences during childhood. Studies have shown that 40% to 76% of people with BPD report being sexually abused as children, and 25% to 73% report being physically abused. Both physical and emotional neglect can also be contributing factors.

Treatment

With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with reason and proper judgment. This will reduce the dichotomous thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that so many people with BPD have. 

Part of caring for a partner with BPD is understanding what they're experiencing. Understanding the level of emotional disorder they experience can help you respond in a way that protects both of you from other chaos.

If you have BPD or have a partner with BPD give me a call and let’s work together to create a healthier and happier relationship.

Courtney Whetstone, LMFT

I became a therapist because I want to help people who are struggling to change their lives. I work with clients in a caring and compassionate manner, and I tailor the treatment to fit their needs and goals. You are the most important part of your treatment - it needs to relate to your life in a way that works for you. I will challenge you to overcome the challenges you see in your life with support and positive feedback. My approach is working collaboratively toward a happier life for you by helping you make positive changes, including increasing your self-awareness and those barriers that have come between you and your goals.

My specialties include working with children and adolescents, couples, and in crisis intervention. I have experience in many areas, including family reunification counseling, anxiety, depression, and OCD. I also teach our co-parenting class here at CCS on Saturday mornings. Please call and set an appointment with me to help you develop  new tools to overcome emotional hurdles you are facing with strength and confidence.

Preparing for Mother’s Day: Support and Empowerment

Mother’s Day is an occasion that many people around the world celebrate. However, it is not often the happiest day for many others. Mother’s Day can trigger some of the toughest feelings for people, such as those grieving the loss of a child, struggling with infertility, those without a relationship with their own mother, or even struggling with adoption. It’s important to take care of yourself as Mother’s Day approaches, as some of these tough feelings are brought up. Here are some helpful ways to plan ahead to support and empower yourself through Mother’s Day:

1. Plan Ahead
   Schedule ahead how you plan on celebrating Mother’s Day. Whether it be taking the day off and shopping around, plan a trip, or dedicate the day to just overall self-care.
   

2. Take a Social Media Break
   With the convenience of social media, we can stay connected to our loved ones. However being sucked into social media leads us into comparison and jealousy, especially during holidays. Take the day off from browsing through social media to avoid some tough feelings.
   

3. Talk About It
   Take the time to meet with your therapist or to talk to a trusted loved one about your thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone about your hurt or frustration can be so helpful.
   

4. Feel Your Feelings
   It may be the most uncomfortable thing to do, but you owe it to yourself to truly acknowledge the hurt that you may be experiencing during the holiday. Acknowledge those feelings and practice your self care/ coping skills to enhance your emotional wellness.

CECILIA FABE, ACSW

I believe that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

Dealing with life’s stressors can often be overwhelming, and continuing to experience emotional stressors can create a debilitating impact upon the relationship you have with yourself and others. Just because you experience these stressors, doesn’t mean you have to go face them all alone. Whether it be depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship conflicts, etc. I hope to be your trusted support.

My name is Cecilia, and I am a compassionate, empathetic clinical therapist. I obtained my B.A. in psychology from UC Riverside and my Master of Social Work from Loma Linda University. My professional experience includes providing individual and group therapy services in the outpatient setting in both mental health and substance abuse clinics. I provide counseling for teens, adults, and couples.

My focus is on providing trauma-informed care that is client-centered and strengths-based. I have the strong belief that treatment is focused on you, and that you are truly capable of overcoming life’s difficulties, especially through thoughtful therapeutic guidance.

I provide services utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution Focused Brief Therapy, Trauma-Informed Systems, as well as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy. I provide therapy in both English and Tagalog!

My hope is to provide you with a safe space to be able to work through life’s stressors and for you to feel supported, empowered, & capable.