Here come the holidays- and the grief
Let’s manage it!
The holidays are around the corner. Well, 2 corners on the calendar, but it seems to be speeding up, doesn’t it? There is even a shortage of the foods many look forward to, which is adding to that sense of needing to be ready.
But what about those of us who have had losses this year? Covid has taken a toll on all of us. Even if you escaped illness and loss, we all faced the loss of parts of our year. And in some families the politics surrounding the pandemic has splintered the normal gathering now that we can finally have a gathering again.
Acknowledging grief at this time of year can be kind of awful. It can be awkward as some of us stumble over what to say- do we say the names of those missing? Do we talk about them? Do we just keep busy and hope nobody will bring it up? What do we do with our own sadness right now?
As a grief therapist I want you to know you have permission to talk about the loved ones who are missing from your table, and to include them in your special days. Teach the littles in your family that grief is normal and part of life, and that it is not scary. If yours is a family that does not talk about loss you can be the rule breaker this year. Trust me- there will be a lot of that across the country and the globe.
There are great children’s books you can read to normalize the experience of someone missing. Try “The Invisible String” – or “The Invisible Leash” if a beloved pet is missing. If you need more ideas ask your counselor at Central Counseling Services- we have grief resources!
Some other ideas:
• Light a memorial candle. Invite children and other friends/family to share memories.
• Write a card or letter to the person who died.
• Write memories on strips of paper and use them to create a paper chain in colors for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, or Christmas.
• Hang a special decoration in memory of the person, such as a wreath or stocking, or set out a special menorah for them and take turns through the eight nights lighting the candles and sharing a memory. If a stocking is used, family members can place cards or pieces of paper with memories inside.
• Buy a gift the person would have liked and donate it to a charity, or a meal to a food program or senior center.
• Giftwrap a box and make an opening in the top for family and friends to share written memories. At a special time the box can be unwrapped and the memories shared.
• Set a special memorial place at the table during a holiday meal.
• Create a memorabilia table or corner where you can place photos, stuffed animals, toys, cards, foods, and any other kinds of mementos.
• Share one of the person’s favorite foods or meals. Food can be a great spark for sharing memories, as well as a sense of security.
I hope your holiday season is special as we navigate back into family and friends to celebrate. If you find yourself struggling, Central Counseling Services has therapists available to help, including clinicians for anyone who does not have insurance through our new nonprofit branch. We can be reached at (951) 778-0230
As a therapist and a social worker I work from your strengths to enhance the skills you already have and to address the issues holding you back or disrupting your life. My goal is to assist you in reaching a more satisfying state in your life, to reduce your stress, and to make home a better place to be. My specialties include working through grief and loss (including children's grief and anticipatory grief), chronic illness issues, depression and mood disorders, trauma recovery, adoption and infertility issues, and geriatric and aging issues. I have extensive experience in sexual assault recovery. I am available for crisis intervention in the workplace. I am a speaker/trainer and have provided training to parenting groups, educational support groups, community groups and employer groups. Some of my topics include Alzheimer, dementia, caregiving 101, child abuse reporting laws, parenting the adoptive child and trauma recovery. I currently, facilitate a dementia support group (see events page) and I worked with a group to develop the City of Riverside into a "Purple City" to help people with memory care issues. I am a member of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and I am Certified as a Grief Recovery Method® Specialist.