9 Signs Therapy Is Actually Working

Experts break down what progress looks like.

Nicole Pajer On Assignment For HuffPost

eek after week, you may walk into your therapist’s office and pour out your anxieties, hopes and dreams, or you might cry or get angry. Does any of this mean the process is actually working?

According to experts, there are definite signs that show you’re on the right track. If you are experiencing any of the following, it may be safe to say that your weekly counseling sessions are paying off:

1. You’ll look forward to your therapy appointments

Revealing your innermost thoughts in a session can be daunting. But if you get to the place where opening up becomes more comfortable, you may have experienced some breakthroughs, according to Rachel Dubrow, a licensed clinical social worker in Northfield, Illinois. Dubrow said her clients often make the connection that their treatment is working when they no longer feel nervous before appointments.

“They also tell me that they start to feel lighter and better after a session,” she said.

2. You’re not as “in your head”

“I’ve had clients tell me that when they begin to feel better, they aren’t as ‘in their heads’ anymore,” said Christy Doering, a therapist with Sage Counseling in Plano, Texas.

According to Doering, constant rumination over anxieties, listening to your “inner critic” or berating yourself for past regrets takes up valuable real estate in the brain.

“When people start to get well, they give that space to something better. It’s often a new appreciation for the present moment, or more interaction with family and coworkers, but it builds upon itself and contributes to overall wellness pretty quickly,” she said.

3. You’re having fun again

Anhedonia ― which is the inability to experience pleasure from activities that people used to find enjoyable ― is one of the hallmark symptoms of mood disorders like depression.

“If a person loves to sew, fix cars, read or exercise, then when he or she is depressed, those things will stop bringing joy,” Doering said. “But when people are improving, they will one day wake up and realize they feel like doing those things again, and often those things bring even more joy than they did in the past. It’s like having a stomach virus and feeling like you will never want to eat again, but then after it’s over, everything tastes wonderful.”

4. You are focusing on the present

“Instead of worrying about whether or not your first grader will get into college ... or feeling guilty over enjoying that bagel you had for breakfast, you are being mindful of the here and now and tending to the things you are in control of at the moment,” said Kayce Hodos, a licensed professional counselor in Wake Forest, North Carolina.

So rather than stressing about the future, you are focusing on work tasks, listening to a friend over margaritas, taking a walk on your lunch break or enjoying your favorite band’s new album.

5. You’ve changed your standards on who you swipe right for on Tinder

Sheri Heller, a New York City-based psychotherapist, noted that effective therapy may make you shift your focus toward more stable partners. Additionally, it may help you seek out healthier friendships and romantic partnerships.

“As clients work through core wounds rooted in relational traumas and betrayals, their healing is evidenced in using discernment and discrimination with who they bring into their lives,” she said. “Often these new partnerships are completely contrary to the sort of toxic traits they found themselves gravitating toward in the past.”

6. Self-care becomes a priority

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According to Hodos, noticing that you are beginning to pay attention to yourself is a great sign of improvement. This could be as simple as booking a weekly massage, journaling about your thoughts and feelings or asking your boss for that overdue raise.

“Regardless of how it shows up for you, you are positively including some much-needed self-care in your routine, and a bonus is you are enjoying it with no, or at least less, guilt,” she said.

7. You’ve started applying your therapist’s suggestions ― and they’re working

“I know that therapy is working for my clients when they are able to transfer what we have been working on in the therapy room to their lives,” said Sheralyn Shockey-Pope, co-founder of Central Counseling Services.

She cited a couple on the brink of divorce that she treated as an example. “They began to come into sessions with statements like, ‘I remembered that he was hurting, too, and when things got too intense at home we took a timeout, just like we did in therapy,’” she said.

Dubrow agrees, adding that she loves seeing patients gain a sense of pride over properly applying techniques she has armed them with. “They’ll come back and report that what they did felt challenging at first but that they were successful in the end,” she said.

8. You may start to go backwards

It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true.

“As you work on dismantling old, unhealthy thought patterns and coping habits, feelings of distress and unwanted behaviors sometimes have a surge before they go away,” said Rachel Kazez, a Chicago-area licensed clinical social worker. “Without those things masking the feelings, people might feel stronger and urges to act in unwanted ways might feel stronger or more necessary.”

Jenmarie Eadie, a licensed clinical social worker in Upland, California agreed, adding that anger in a session is a perfectly valid ― and sometimes wanted ― emotion.

“For me, a sign therapy is working is when the client gets mad at me,” Eadie said. “It’s usually because he [or] she is working through the issues with a safe person who won’t retaliate, dismiss, or abuse his [or] her emotions. For my kid clients, this usually means a crayon or two is going to be thrown my way!”

9. You realize you are only responsible for your problems

“It becomes clear to you which problems are actually yours to own and which ones you’ve been taking on that have nothing to do with you,” Hodos said.

For instance, you might learn to lovingly support your husband and listen to his job complaints without frantically updating his resume for him, or you proactively text your mom to let her know you will not be available for your usual Tuesday night chat, sans guilt.

Therapy is a very personalized journey and what works for some is different than what may benefit others. But any of the above changes signify you’re headed down the right path. 

Do You Have High Functioning Anxiety?

Does this sound familiar?

You’re watching you son’s soccer game, answering emails and your mind is replaying that conversation you had with your boss this morning. Your daughter asking about dinner and you feel exhausted but if you stop moving both physically and mentally you are not sure if you ever get started again. You are organized, a perfectionist, often friends will call you a Type A or an overachiever as they snicker. You like the tasks done a particular way and if it’s not done that way you may feel physically ill. You catch yourself dwelling on thoughts and when you finally finish your day and flop into bed it’s after midnight. You may joke about “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”, “I am unhappy if I am not busy.” Or “There is plenty to do and If I don’t do it who will?”

 The word “NO” is not in your vocabulary

and you often have fears of letting other people down. So, you pile task after tasks on yourself always assuming you can do it and do it better than others.  Your mind will race through thoughts of “ Why did I say that?” Or “How can I get three things done before dinner.”  

You often set you feeling aside or compartmentalize your feelings and you do not wear your heart on your sleeve. You are an in-charge type person and often your friends call your “stoic.”  Inside, however, that is simply not true, your feelings do get hurt but you push them away because you say to yourself “Oh I’m just being a drama queen.”

If you said yes to even a few of these you may be showing signs of high functioning anxiety.

While high functioning anxiety is not an official diagnosis of the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) it can still cause getting through our day very difficult.  High functioning anxiety makes a person feel pushed into accomplishing many activities or the feeling of being driven into action, or pushed. You become overly productive because you are obsessed into action. Often you push your own feelings aside and “pretend” everything is perfect. Sometimes you feel empty inside.

People who experience this type of anxiety are often high-powered executives, business owners, attorneys or other professionals. On the outside these people are often well educated, smart, working two jobs or working 60 to 80 hours a week. They have accomplished many things in their careers and they often have spouses and children. Life becomes unsatisfying as the anxiety increases. There can be physical symptoms too such as nail biting, knuckle cracking or picking at your skin. You may count stairs as you climb just to keep your mind busy.  People with high anxiety are often overachievers and will push themselves to perform at the highest levels.

There is a cost to letting this type of anxiety go unchecked.

The symptoms often become worse under higher life stresses such as a death in the family, loss of a job or friendship, but even positive stresses like marriage, graduation or getting a job promotion can trigger the negative behaviors of overthinking and obsessing over and over again on one idea or statement. High anxiety people hold themselves to impossible achievement standards and when they can’t meet that standard they become depressed.

To combat this anxiety there are a few simple actions you can take to help reduce the symptoms.

1.      Take a deep breath, in fact, take 5 of them. When we become anxious we tend to breathe shallower and therefore, not properly oxygenate our bodies. This simple action can drop your blood pressure by 20 points. The best way to do this is to take 5 deep breaths 4 times a day.  

2.      Take a walk, at least 30 mins a day and yes, every day. Exercise of any type will reduce the nagging anxiety thoughts allowing the mind to feel free.

3.      Reduce caffeine that would include coffee drinks, sodas, and energy drinks. Too much caffeine will hype one up, make sleep more difficult and increase the agitated feelings.

4.      Drink plenty of water. The brain can get easily dehydrated and then make our overall function feel off

5.      Get 6 ½ to 8 hours of sleep a night. Your brain and body need that time to regenerate cells and to process the day’s activities and learning. Without getting enough sleep our brains have a much harder time with memory, focus or problem-solving.

If your high anxiety symptoms get worse or they are not being able to be easily managed it could be time to speak to a therapist for specific help with anxiety reduction. By getting short term treatment, you can increase the quality and enjoyment of your life.

©2017 Central Counseling Services.  

What does it mean for me to be “diagnosed?”

During the course of our lives, it is safe to say that any of us can be identified as having a mental health diagnosis at one point in our lives.  The death of a loved one, job loss, relationship issues are all potential catalysts for concern and they technically may lead to a diagnosis.  This doesn’t mean that we are meant to carry a diagnosis forever or that we cannot recover or live fully functional lives.  A mental health diagnosis is identifiable and agreed upon a cluster of symptoms meant to describe a person’s experience at that moment in their life.  For example, if you say you are depressed; everyone knows what that means. The symptoms a person might describe are, sad, no energy, unable to concentrate, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, no pleasure in life and impending doom. The manual that helps therapists develop a  diagnosis and later treatment plan is called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition or often referred to as the DSM5. If you were to turn to the mood disorder Depression you would learn that there are actually 9 different but similar diagnosis for what most people would call depression. There are all sorts of defining symptoms and you therapist has been trained to sort it all out and create a treatment plan with you.

There are many misconceptions that others hold...

about mental health diagnoses and they often lead to people to feel labeled, anxious and negative about themselves. People are not just a bunch of symptoms. Being labeled is one of the main barriers to people seeking the services they often want, is to avoid being diagnosed or feeling that it's better to resolve their issues on their own.  While others can often feel relief when they find they have an identified diagnosis that they can hold on too. They also know that they are not the

only person to have experienced these issues.

For anyone seeking services, being anxious and uncomfortable is expected as therapy can be a vulnerable and worthwhile experience.  One benefit of seeking help is being able to work with a counselor with training and experience helping people walk through the problems which often lead to improved outcomes quicker and more permanent; than trying to go through it alone.  I work with adults that need help in sorting our their temporary problems and together we find solutions that enhance our quality of lives and help us sleep better. If you are interested in working with me please call us today to set up an appointment. Don't go it alone .

Mindfulness For All

It is part of mindfulness practice to realize that suffering comes from believing that things should be other than they are in the given moment. If you are suffering in the present moment—oppression, discrimination, hunger, joblessness, etc— this may seem like a cruel statement, but it's actually not. It's solid advice, allowing you to take action and stay safe.

 Bias and violence toward LGBQIA and transgender people are very real, and if that's the moment you're living in, then you're probably thinking, "Are you serious, Lynn!? Am I just supposed to accept people treating me this way??" No. Not even a little.

 The key to the teaching is "thinking that things should be other than they are." That means that you jump to the past or the future, or resist what is happening in the moment by getting caught up in thinking, "this shouldn't be." But it IS, and you've just wasted precious seconds and energy fighting an impossible argument. It IS happening. Say you are being shouted at in in a store when you're out shopping. Some idiot has taken it upon him or herself to judge you loudly in public. Do you wish that it wasn't happening? Well, yes! But to be caught in the "this shouldn't happen" mindset in that moment is useless and a waste of energy. It can make you freeze. It can lock you in shame and embarrassment, caught there under the glaring florescent lights.

So what is the answer? Acknowlege what is happening, and decide what to DO in that moment. Can you safely walk away? Walk away. Do you need help? Look around for a friendly face and ask for help. Are you in danger? Scream for help, run, get to a cashier or security guard. In short, don't get trapped in resisting reality; deal with it in the best possible way at the given moment. We Buddhists tend to avoid terms like good or bad, preferring skillful and unskillful as more accurate and non-judgmental. When you are safe and quiet, practice in your mind what skillful means you can use when such intimidating situations arise. It's the same sort of preparation thinking athletes use before an event.

**If you are a cis (non transgender) person reading this and you see this kind of situation happening to anyone—trans or LGBQIA person, child, woman, or anyone else in need— BE AN ALLY! Don't let yourself be just another statistic in the "bystander effect". Yes, that's a thing; when capable people just stand there or look away when they should be helping someone. If it's not safe to step in, call 911. NOW! Then turn on your camera and let the aggressor know they're being caught in the act. Or do so secretly and share it with the police. **

I just gave an extreme example of suffering in the moment. But the same wisdom applies to negative emotions, like loneliness. Thinking "I shouldn't be lonely" doesn't help. Acknowledging the emotion of loneliness is skillful means. You are accepting reality: I am lonely. The next question is "What can I do to alleviate this suffering?" Perhaps call a friend and share the feeling with them? Talk to an ally? Find a support group? Get out into nature? Find what works for you.

If you are a trans person looking for a support group, we have two Monday night therapy/support groups from 6:30-8:00 pm. The first and third Monday of each month is "Ladies/girls only" for trans women and girls. The second and fourth Monday is for everyone on the spectrum. For more information, comment here and/or call Central Counseling Services at 951-778-0230.

Multitasking is a LIE

It's a Lie we tell ourselves...

We have all heard that multitasking is the best way to be highly efficient and it's the way smart people get things done. We are always trying to find a way to get more tasks accomplished within our 24 hours and multitasking seems to be the answer right? Wrong. We all have been sold a bill of goods; really, we have.  The word multitasking was first used in 1960 to described a computer’s ability to perform many tasks seemly all at once; ultimately, multitasking literally means multiple tasks alternately sharing one resource in this case a CPU. Due to a computer’s fast ability to read code it “looks like” it is doing more than one task at a time. However, even the CPU cannot read two lines of code at a time. What the CPU is actually doing is alternately reading and executing the code by switching back and forth between the codes until the tasks are done.

 

Overtime, this lie of multitasking became synonymous with people doing multiple tasks. Now I hear what you are saying “Hey wait a minute humans can multitask; we can walk and talk, or chew gum and walk, or even drive and listen to music all at the same time.” Yes, you are right those small tasks can be done simultaneously. However, not with equal attention and more importantly our attention bounces between the two tasks. If the tasks have greater focus the harder they are to complete together. Think about driving and talking on the phone. This activity is responsible for over 6000 deaths annually and is the number one cause of death in teens even over alcohol use. http://bit.ly/1LOfHPH Additionally,  I see people that come into my office stressed and feeling over whelmed and I will ask about their sleep schedule, their commute time, family time, personal (alone) time and about their working time. They tell me that almost every moment of their day is planned out and yet they still want to do more. They want to be able to add other things to their schedule or they feel they just can’t juggle anything more. They feel depressed, sad, overwhelmed and stressed, with little life satisfaction. They can’t understand why, “if only I could get more organized they say it would all work out.”  I am here to give you the freedom of doing one thing and doing it well.  No more multitasking; now doesn’t that feel good? So why is multitasking so bad for us? According to a 2009 study at Stanford University, multitasks pay a big mental price. The study found that:

• Reduces the amount of information you can remember; decreased overall memory
• Unable to filter out irrelevant information; so tasks actually take longer
• Unable to focus on the goal at hand
• Always thinking about  other things but not able to complete the task
• Inability to concentrate for long periods of time  
• We become less efficient as we lose time by switching between tasks
• The stress hormone cortisol increase in the brain when we multitask
• We actually lose 10 functional IQ points

World expert on divided attention and Neuroscientist, Earl Miller, at MIT states it this way...

                “Our brains are not wired to multitask well.” When people think they’re multitasking, they’re actually just switching from one task to another very rapidly. And every time they do, there’s a cognitive cost in doing so.”

 If you suffer from the “shiny object syndrome” or if you're still not convinced to give up multitasking I challenge you to just try for a day. Work on one project until it’s completion. Put the phone on mute, turn off the email pings and solidly work on the task. See if it takes you less time, you have more focus, if your brain is less fatigued and you may even have more energy and a bigger sense of accomplishment.     

Need a A Push To Start Therapy?

17 Inspirational Quotes to Motivate YOU to Start Therapy Today

Contemplating therapy? Thinking about picking up the phone is the first step in your journey towards emotional wellness. Sometimes we just need a little something extra to help us become excited and invested in committing to change. We hope one of the following quotes will resonate with you and give you the courage you need to take the next step.

1. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you--Maya Angelou

2. When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary--Fred Rogers

3. If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail--Abraham Maslow

4. My potential is unlimited--Success Mantra

5. You can't change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it--Unknown

6. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate--Carl Jung

7. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest diseases and it's toll on success and happiness is heavy--Wayne Gretsky

8. All great changes are preceded by chaos--Deepak Chopra

9. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves--Viktor Frankl

10. Nothing will work unless you do--Maya Angelou

11. In any given moment, we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety--Abraham Maslow

12. Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort--Fred Rogers

13. The future depends on what you do today--Mahatma Ghandi

14. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it--Art Williams

15. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out--Robert Collier

16. The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new--Dan Millman

17. And you? When will you begin the long journey into yourself?--Rumi

We hop we have inspired you to let us walk with you on your path. We want to help you make that first step. Call us today1

What Does Your Dash Say About You?

The other day I was at a funeral and the speaker was talking about the dash between the date of birth and the date of death. His premise was that a person’s date of birth and date of death was just the marking of a specific time and was really unimportant in the scheme of life. The speaker went on to say what’s really important was the dash in between the dates. For that dash, is where all the years of life reside. That dash represents years of friendship, wining that sports game, learning to drive, graduations and other great joys like getting married, the birth of your children or your children get their first job. That dash could also represent the sadness of a death of a love one, a divorce or a failed business.  But really that dash is about the how you handle each and every moment. Are you living for the moment and enjoying the lessons that your life is trying teaching you?  These moments create texture and substance to our lives. That dash brings experiences that bring meaning, passion and sustenance to our lives. The dash is not about busyness or filling our days with meaningless tasks. That dash means finding your passion, enjoying your life and striving to be the best you, you can be. That dash means filling your days with friends and family that love and support you. It’s about giving back to our communities and helping others in need, it smiling at your neighbor, it taking the extra time to help in your child’s classroom. That little dash maybe small but it really has great significance for each and every one of us and we must not forget that, not even for a moment. What will your dash say about you?  

What will your Dash say about you?

5 Easy Depression Buster

Depression is often defined as a feeling of hopelessness, loss of energy that nothing matters or you’re not good enough.  For people that suffer mild depression engaging in the activities listed can help renew your energy and lift your spirits.

Even a simple walk can help with depression

Top 5  Easy Depression Busters:

1.      Take a walk even as little as 10 minutes as been shown to increase one’s mood. Aim for 30 minutes every day.  Do have time? The good news is the minutes can add up so take three 10 minute breaks if you just can’t fit it all in at once.

2.      Watch a comedy. Laughter release endorphins in the brain that make you feel good and provide sense of wellbeing. Laughter also reduces stress and can even increase your immune system. Laughter also adds happiness and joy to our lives.

3.      Get enough sleep. Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Sleep effects everything in our lives, it regulates hormone production, provides us with mental alertness, emotional balance and creativity.  Sleep is restorative to the body and helps with repairing cell damaged caused during the day.

4.      Spend time with friends and loved ones. Social interactions help us live longer and happier lives. Telling your best friend about your day reduces the stress hormones and promotes feelings of being supported and understood.

5.      Get a little light, sunlight that is. Sunlight is essential to a healthy lifestyle. Not enough can make the depression worse. We needs a little each day. So take your walk outside, enjoy a lunch with a friend in the garden a little goes a long way.

This may sound simple but little changes really do add up. Our body and mind are meant to move and the movement adds with hormones that make our bodies happier. Try the about for at least a two weeks and let us know what helped you.

Anticipatory Grief

Grief and loss doesn't start after your loved one has died. It begins when the realization becomes real that their death is approaching, whether far in the future from a long-term illness, or when a death occurs with little notice. In the ER, the ICU, at home… when that realization happens grief begins. It’s called “anticipatory grief” but, in reality, it’s grief, with all its emotion and sadness.

In the time before death occurs, there are things that need to be considered, both from the loved one’s perspective and to address your concerns. This will address the dying person’s needs. I’ll follow it with a blog about your needs as you support your loved one.

What Does A Dying Person Need at that point?

·       The need to “settle up” with the people so as to die in peace, with them and with myself.

Settling up emotional accounts

All of us have unfinished business left over from our years on Earth. Approaching death is the last time to make amends, check in, or say the things that have been left unsaid.

If someone can’t be reached, letters can be left, and even dictated. Elaborate isn't necessary. Peace for the person dying is.

·       An advocate for their end of life decisions

End of life decisions need to be written well in advance of the dying process. They aren't valid if you aren't of sound mind without a doubt.

Enforcing a living will or other decision making documents can be difficult if there is division in the family.

It’s hard to not provide hydration of nutrition if it’s been days or weeks. Someone has to ensure the dying person’s wishes are followed. That may have to be you.

·       The environment the dying person desires

Some people are extroverts, even when dying. Some are private, even if the family wants access. The dying person should have the kind of environment they lived with and following their wishes. And someone has to ensure it happens.

Things to consider:

•  music 
•   TV or movies
•   Bedroom or living room 
•   Home or hospital
•  Family 
•   Friends
•  Pets
•  Spiritual folks
• Lighting
•   Scents

·       A safe space to talk or a safe person to talk to about death

Family and friends are often reluctant to face up to the reality of the terminal illness and death: even if they are not, their experience is not the experience of the dying person. If they are still capable of talking, they may need someone to talk to about their fears and terrors, hopes and vulnerability. It may not be family. It may be a nurse, a friend… it’s up to the person who needs to do the talking. They don’t need their decision to create conflict. It’s their decision.

·       Spiritual support- or NO spiritual support.

Some find it comforting. Some find it presumptuous to assume they need spiritual support. Some do not have a faith they rely upon or believe. The dying person needs, and deserves, to have their needs followed at this point. If family needs to listen to religious music, say prayers, light incense… no matter- if it’s not something the patient wanted or participated in, it belongs outside the door. It’s the patient’s death- nobody else’s.

·       Pain management/comfort measures

A dying person deserves to have pain and discomfort resolved. They may not be able to tell you what they are feeling, but their body can to some degree. Blood pressure, fever, grimacing, tightened muscles, low oxygen saturation, irregular breathing. Those and so many more are indicators of the patient’s body being uncomfortable. Can you fix the breathing? Probably not. But you can add oxygen. You can administer pain medications and anxiety meds through sublingual administration. You can add a subQ IV to administer meds without adding fluids that could create respiratory distress. You can massage. Make the bed softer. Use a cool washcloth. Turn on a fan. Add a blanket.

Families tend to be especially distressed about morphine and other meds. They are not going to kill a dying person. They make the muscles relax so breathing is less stressed. They relieve pain. If your loved one has asked for comfort measures, they don’t want to die in pain. Allow the medical professionals to guide you. Ask questions.

·       Food? Fluids?

At the end of life, the body has a process of its own as the systems shut down. It no longer needs food. It doesn't thirst. The mouth may need moistening. Oral care is still necessary. But if a dying person says they don’t want food or fluids- believe them. It’s hard to watch. You are still hungry. You are still thirsty. They are not. Honor their body and their needs. Forcing fluids can cause choking and even pneumonia, hastening death.

·       Visions supported

Many people who are dying will report that they are seeing loved ones who died before now, or angels.  Don’t question or deny that. There have been studies that say they may be caused by hypoxia or changes in brain chemistry. The studies, however, cannot include dying people. We don’t know this experience. We do know it’s common and brings comfort. Tell them you are glad they are there.

o   Your voice

The last sense to die is hearing. If your loved one would want you there, talk to them. To the end.  

o   Permission

This is most likely the hardest of all. No matter the disease or the pain, very few of us really want our loved one to really die. The fact is they are going to die. Tell them it’s ok. Tell them you’ll be ok; you’ll take care of business they left behind; you’ll carry their memory. Tell them what you will miss most and how much you loved them. But tell them they can go.

It’s not easy to sit while someone you love is dying. It’s a gift if you can.

Take a swing.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from coming up to bat.”

Babe Ruth

April is baseball month to me; it’s the first month that I am able to catch a game at the local ball field. I know that spring training has happen and to many fans that is the start of baseball but to me it’s when the teams are ready to show off at their home field; opening day signals the start of baseball season and anticipation that comes each year. It’s the start of the possibility that is exciting for me. It’s looking down at the future and making the predictions based on the statistics; plus add in a little heart and determination. Some have even said that when teams are otherwise equal it’s their passion, heart and pure determination that will carry the team.  I believe this.

In my work with people, often times they come into my office feeling defeated, sad, depressed, anxiety ridden and they have lost their passion for life or they have become derailed in addiction or making wrong choices that they just get lost.  One of the first things I ask them is “What do you want your life to look like?” “How would your life look if everything was going well?” Sometimes people do not have an answer to these questions. Other times they have a good idea but they fear thinking ahead because they feel they have always been a failure and why bother. Or even worse “I can’t.” Sometimes we have to learn how to pick ourselves up and stop shaming our self. Self-shame can motivate a person into action but I see self-shame mostly being used to validate a person’s feeling of not being worthy. Therefore, I really see no great reason to continuing to using self-shame as our assessment tool. It has proven that it is more damaging to us then helpful.

Let’s instead focus on the action needed to get ourselves moving. I would suggest sitting down once a week and really ask yourself “How is my life going? “What am I doing that is working well.” Go ahead list all the strengths you can find. I will even give you one to start with; wright this down:

Strengths: You are reading this blog and you have thought that maybe I can move my life in a forward direction.

I would agree with your assessment you can move forward. Next I would sit down and write out a prefect day. Your perfect day. Yes, dream how would you like your life to be? Would you be in the job you’re in? The relationship you’re in?   If not, start to take steps to get closer to that goal each day, each week, and each year. Even if you only do one thing a week for a year that is still 52 steps towards your goal. Write it all down. If it doesn’t get on paper your brain can’t start to work on it in helping you push towards those goals. Yes, you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Start stringing together your perfect day one after another and before you know it your life will be mostly what you want each and every day. Will it take hard work, yup, but everything in life takes hard work, determination and passion. Put fear on the back burner. I know easier said than done. However, it can be done, yes it can. I see change happening each and every day; I do, I really do. So don’t wait any longer start on that 52 step journey and let me know how it is going along the way.